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The Newgrounds Humor Challenge

1,849 Views | 27 Replies

The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 14:15:17


That's right, in this thread you get to post your best one-liners, punchlines, and stories in an attempt to make everybody laugh! You may either come up with them yourself or search for them on the Internet.

There will be a 10 out of 10 rating system in place.

Whoever tells the funniest jokes shall be declared "Joke Master of the Year"

To begin, I'll start things off with the following joke:

A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!" A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires---then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 14:17:08


Guess what? Chicken butt.


"Till one day, that lion gets up and tears the shit out of everybody."

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 14:20:18


At 8/20/14 02:17 PM, Amaranthus wrote: @Jester wins this thread, also jokes like the one you posted are stupid.
Jester wins, end of thread.

Glad that was resolved, then

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 14:26:33


At 8/20/14 02:22 PM, SwisherCovent wrote: Knock knock.

We have a doorbell.


"Till one day, that lion gets up and tears the shit out of everybody."

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 14:55:38


TheGameChanger is a faggot. I win.


I got Tom to make a sig, bow down to me.

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 15:08:56


At 8/20/14 03:04 PM, Cronizone wrote:

LOL! 8/10

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 15:17:23


Sign by a roadside Church: "Honk if you love Jesus, keep texting while driving if you wanna meet him."

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 17:23:40


I'm unfunny, so:

The Newgrounds Humor Challenge

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 17:54:05


At 8/20/14 05:23 PM, CiviLies wrote: I'm unfunny, so:

Haha! 7/10

Well, I said that you could use anything from the Internet, so........

The Newgrounds Humor Challenge

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:35:44


My best jokes:

69 (lel)

hueheuheuehue

420 blaze it lelelelelelel

B====D~~~~~~ <---- hahahaha its a penis get it

did I win

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:47:24


At 8/20/14 06:35 PM, larrynachos wrote:

No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:49:07


At 8/20/14 06:47 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.

Dangit.

Okay, so why did the chicken cross the road?

....

tee hee...

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

yup, I pretty much won. 100% original joke by me, btw.

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:51:18


At 8/20/14 06:49 PM, larrynachos wrote:
At 8/20/14 06:47 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.
Dangit.

Okay, so why did the chicken cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE

That reminds me of this......

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:55:21


This thread won't last 16 hours

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 18:57:16


A man walks into a bar and says ouch.


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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 19:13:58


it doesnt get better than this

The Newgrounds Humor Challenge


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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 19:22:37


At 8/20/14 07:20 PM, levonlevonlevon wrote:
At 8/20/14 07:13 PM, fieIetiger wrote: it doesnt get better than this
uh...thats not really funny. you sicko.

@Zachery, I don't think that this is the real fieldertiger.

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 19:44:11


So, how about that airline food, huh?

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 19:48:41


At 8/20/14 07:44 PM, NGPulp wrote: So, how about that airline food, huh?

I hear that it's AIR-sterical!

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 19:57:41


At 8/20/14 07:48 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:
At 8/20/14 07:44 PM, NGPulp wrote: So, how about that airline food, huh?
I hear that it's AIR-sterical!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxy74u18WaE

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 20:57:38


Man, that retarded girl is pretty hot but should I sleep with her?

Only if you want your first time to be special

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 21:45:14


I'm terrible at making original jokes so here's a story from highschool. One I've posted many times before...

Back in tenth grade my school had a brief session in each day where we would quietly read or write. During this period I would work on on Neo the Hedgehog (a satirical fanfic that I've rebooted more times than I can make into a funny analogy). I'm all in the zone, when suddenly I overhear two girls chatting away. The girls had ridiculously ghetto names, the kind of names you'd hear in a shlock BET comedy. I think their names were Xytasha and Dadeesha but those couldn't sound any more fake. I'm not digging up my 10th grade yearbook so let's just call them Xytasha and Dadeesha.
Anyways, Xytasha was yapping to Dadeesha about how her bae cheated on her with a white girl. She said she got so ratchet that Clank showed up. I was too busy writing about hedgehogs fucking to realize how hilarious that line was. Instead I just told them both to be quiet. Dadeesha sucked her teeth and Xytasha called me a bleater. I didn't know what a bleater was so I called her a necrophiliac, which causes the class to roar in laughter. Even the teacher thought that was funny. It turned out none of them - not even the teacher - knew what a necrophiliac was and they just laughed because the word sounded funny. When I explained to them that a necrophiliac was a person who had sex with dead people they all said "EW".
Xytasha got expelled from the school on the same day. From then on everyone thought I had secret ties with the school, but really she got kicked out for a completely different reason. Dadeesha never graduated. She's probably off somewhere whoring herself out for fake nails and volatile hair chemicals.

I have some more stories from my shitty inner-city highschool if anybody cares.


Give me cash and receive arts!

(thanks for the years of Lulu/Payne r34 my loyal dealers)

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-20 23:16:02



StrawberryClock is King of the Portal. StrawberryClock is King of the BBS. Obey StrawberryClock.

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-21 00:34:12


At 8/20/14 09:45 PM, Chdonga wrote: I have some more stories from my shitty inner-city highschool if anybody cares.

Yeah, sure I'd care for some.

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-21 02:51:00


At 8/21/14 12:34 AM, NGPulp wrote:
At 8/20/14 09:45 PM, Chdonga wrote: I have some more stories from my shitty inner-city highschool if anybody cares.
Yeah, sure I'd care for some.

So despite the fact that I was bullied from elementary school through middle school for reasons that alternated between acting "too black" and acting "too white", my parents found it in their better judgment to take me to an inner-city school. The school didn't even have its own building back in '09; it was just borrowing the wing of a school for deaf kids. The locker rooms were closets. The classrooms were dormitories. I think the science lab was a cooking hall. There was no principal's office. The principal just occupied a nook in a corner of the wing. In spite of all that, it was the best the situation school was ever in. It had the best food and an auditorium separate from the cafeteria. If you could look past every other student banging on the table or grumbling rap lyrics to themselves, it was a comfortable environment. There were less than 200 students and most of them dropped out so I knew everyone in my grade.

Anyways, I got in a lot of fights in 9th grade.
In art class we had to do some group project. Everybody really just went to groups and continued to do their own thing. I overheard a girl in my group brag about having a one night stand with some cute white boy she met at a concert. In my naïveté, I asked the girl why she would want to risk opening herself up to STDs at such a young age. She calls me gay, as we're still 13-15 and can't think of any clever insults. I ask if that struck a nerve and she calls me something I can't remember. All I remember is my other group member shouting "OOOH! ROASTED! BURN! WRECK'D!" in my ear after every word she said. After a few shouts I get fed up with their shit and I lash out and attack the girl with a ruler. The art teacher kicks me out of class. I calmly walk out but I noticed some kid snickering at me as I left so I nonchalantly punched him in the face. We brawled a little but we became good friends shortly after the fight. But whenever we were palling around together someone would go, "UH-OH, TIME FOR ROUND TWO".
We had a mean math teacher who would lock out students who were tardy. So one day I'm rushing to take a test. The hallways weren't designed for heavy traffic, so the only way I could get to class on time was by bulldozing between people. There was some lard beast clogging up the halls hugging her pookie. I try to bulldoze between them and she gets so pissed that she chases me down the hall. I make it to my class just in the nick of time. The teacher closes the door on the fat bitch and I go about my test. When class is finally over and the teacher unlocks the door, the landwhale barrels toward me without hesitation. I back into a corner and pick up a discarded chair to use as a shield. The chair must have been broken because I somehow pulled the entire leg off. I swung it like a bat and she ran off.

In 10th grade the school rented an old community center that was a pain in the ass to find because it was surrounded by one-way roads. The roof leaked and the walls were lined with mold. The library was the computer lab and the lunch room and the auditorium. The gym was a falling debris hazard. The lunches were frozen packaged bologna and milk. On the bright side it was a block away from my favorite street in the city. I'd occasionally tag along with some people who I'm sure hated my guts. The Xytasha and Dadeesha thing happened here. I got in a fight on my birthday and the guy I got in a fight with wanted to make it up to me by trying to get me laid, but that story's weird and not funny.

I mellowed out in 11th and 12th grade. I made friends with every male I got in a fight with (the females I got in fights with all dropped out lol). My principal thought I was the best student in the class of 2012 for my character development and she constantly asks me to talk to new students about what the school did for me. I could write a novel about what it did for me.


Give me cash and receive arts!

(thanks for the years of Lulu/Payne r34 my loyal dealers)

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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-30 02:32:14


At 8/20/14 03:04 PM, Cronizone wrote:

The first challenge was to find 2 fruits and 5 of each. The first guy came back with apples and grapes, the second guy had cherries and bananas, and the third guy hasn't come back yet. The second challenge was that they had to shove all 10 fruits up their ass with out making a face. The first guy squinted and he was killed. The second guy saw the third guy coming back and laughed, then was killed. In hell, the first guy asks the second guy- "Why the hell did you laugh?"


"I saw the third guy come back with watermelons."

that was hilarious. 11/10. You win bro!


till we overdose

Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-30 04:18:15


At 8/20/14 09:45 PM, Chdonga wrote: Back in tenth grade my school had a brief session in each day where we would quietly read or write. During this period I would work on on Neo the Hedgehog (a satirical fanfic that I've rebooted more times than I can make into a funny analogy). I'm all in the zone, when suddenly I overhear two girls chatting away. The girls had ridiculously ghetto names, the kind of names you'd hear in a shlock BET comedy. I think their names were Xytasha and Dadeesha but those couldn't sound any more fake. I'm not digging up my 10th grade yearbook so let's just call them Xytasha and Dadeesha.

Calling Sonic Fanfiction satirical doesn't make it less depressing. Also, silent reading time in tenth grade? That is honest to god elementary school shit.

At 8/20/14 09:45 PM, Chdonga wrote: Anyways, Xytasha was yapping to Dadeesha about how her bae cheated on her with a white girl. She said she got so ratchet that Clank showed up. I was too busy writing about hedgehogs fucking to realize how hilarious that line was. Instead I just told them both to be quiet. Dadeesha sucked her teeth and Xytasha called me a bleater. I didn't know what a bleater was so I called her a necrophiliac, which causes the class to roar in laughter. Even the teacher thought that was funny. It turned out none of them - not even the teacher - knew what a necrophiliac was and they just laughed because the word sounded funny. When I explained to them that a necrophiliac was a person who had sex with dead people they all said "EW".

Tenth grade teacher doesn't know what a necrophiliac is? Anyone with a basic understanding of root words should be able to guess what it is, let alone someone paid to teach children. Also, no way in any high school would someone, in the middle of a study hall, laugh at necrophiliac, yet have no reaction to you being called a bleater. Hell, how does "Intercity Black girl" try to think of an insult and come up with bleater? I may just be a stupid cracker, but the only definition I can find for bleater is "One who makes the cry of a goat or sheep".

At 8/20/14 09:45 PM, Chdonga wrote: Xytasha got expelled from the school on the same day. From then on everyone thought I had secret ties with the school, but really she got kicked out for a completely different reason. Dadeesha never graduated. She's probably off somewhere whoring herself out for fake nails and volatile hair chemicals.

I am now convinced this is a story from elementary school that you have called a high school story in order to hide how inane it is.


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Response to The Newgrounds Humor Challenge 2014-08-30 10:30:23


At 8/30/14 04:18 AM, tahm10 wrote: I am now convinced this is a story from elementary school that you have called a high school story in order to hide how inane it is.

You're underestimating how poorly run an inner city highschool can be. Considering how incompetent the teachers were, how students would get in fights because someone looked at them funny, how we were learning colors and shapes in a 10th grade foreign language classes, it might as well have been an elementary school.


Give me cash and receive arts!

(thanks for the years of Lulu/Payne r34 my loyal dealers)

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