As years have passed,as many people know about him but now no longer.The long forgotten DEATH but not the death we knew but an old member of the creepypasta monster long before even Slenderman exist, he existed before even the creation of the universe sitting alone in the void of the universe, however he is very used to such environment.As year pass until he is engage in a battle against his greatest foe, Zalgo.He consider him to be the Grand Evil,the beginner of the evilness.Faithfully,he manage to defeat him and because he is immortal from both his soul and physically,he is therefore seal in the deepest part of the dark land,the heart of the dark land.Even he manage to do so,he as well injured badly to the point he longer can lift his own arm nor his finger.With his final spell,he encased himself in a frozen ice fill with Time Magic so no one can interrupt his recovery process.During the recovery process, he been thinking after he is fully recovered he probably should make a peace with Zalgo since he knew a universe,world,life, and even a mankind will exist.
As the time reaches 2014,that is when he is fully recovered and release from the ice tomb.He decided to venture to earth to see how have the world become and wishes to learn it’s world.But something caught his eye,a world that seemly entirely dark but sun still shine through it.Therefore,he decide to go to that world first before to the earth he knew.On his journey down to the land,he saw a flying unknown creature flopping around the horizon but ignoring it knewing not a thread.When he landed,he saw a town, perhaps he thought it’s the same as the earth he saw through his Spatial eye- an ability allow the user to see through thing upon his will and a very far distance. He encounter a new member of creepypasta monster, an a infamous, Slenderman yet he doesn’t not affected by Fear nor any sign of slender sickness.Thats is when Slenderman doesn’t notice him.Death then proceed to the town that is similar to the world he been observing during his recovery process.One of the member, Eyeless Jack notice him and though he been the newbie around here and therefore, greeted him.”You are new here” say Eyeless Jack with Friendly tone.”New? You are funny.How am I new when I’m the first before Zalgo himself appear”.Eyeless is confuse and he doesn’t knew much what to do and therefore leading Death to Slenderman who appear to be the leader of new generation of creepypasta.During his walk he saw a lot of new faces but doesn’t seem to found old faces perhaps not all of them can be immortal.Upon his arrive, he saw another 3 slender-like figure with Slenderman.”Could they be his brother?” “Yes well, let me introduce, the first one of course Splendorman, second would be Trenderman and finally the youngest,Sexual Offenderman but in short term name, Smexy”. After the introduction,Jack left Death with the slender brother.Slenderman finally appear with him greeting Death but Death told them to call him Bronker as his true name is Alm ‘ Astoban. Bronker ask if they have saw Zalgo.Slenderman said no but heard of him been the most evil and plan to cover everything in corruption.Smexy then proceed to flirt along holding the rose ask Bronker to accept the rose, as Bronker accepted, Smexy proceed to jump on Bronker but Bronker denied it by summoning few chain from the shadow bounding Smexy down to the floor Slenderman then apologise for his behavior.”Is useless to try struggle out from the chain,the chain entire lockdown your ability meaning when you in chain it takes the strength equal to 2 Zalgo to break”.Slenderman is then shock to heard those word.”You battle against him?””Yes but he can’t be kill same as me but can be seal”.”Who are you exactly?! And release my brother at once!””sure but calm first and sorry about the manner is just your brother suddenly jump on me and is my very nature to fend off them”Bronker proceed to release him and explain to Slenderman.”My true name is Alm ‘ Astoban and I exist long before anything appear even the God and Devil.The universe is all black fill with nothingness until Zalgo came.We battle because of his mind decided to rule all but I don’t allow it and therefore we end up by me sealing him and I have to seal myself in time to recover from my long battle but I believe the chain will not last long”.”We heard about that I can’t believe a legend stand infront CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”. Splendorman are evry quite excite about that.
“So what you going to do now?” “I plan to visit everything and learn about thing exist now”Slenderman proceed to offer him the place to stay, with humbleness he accepted the offer.When walking down the street,he saw new people although they all monster but he consider them people, Jeff The Killer, Rake, Dog.JPG and other new more.Because there isn’t any more place,Bronker decide to stay with Slenderman.Slenderman agree to it as he plan to learn thing from Bronker.Upon arrival,the house are quite small and therefore decide to cast his magic,Expanding Magic .”What you doing?!!””Relax just expanding it’s size beside it is small”.After done the process,they quickly amaze by how his magic expand the houses into mansion size without causing any damage.They proceed into the house and see through the room but Bronker got flatter with room…a room that are kinda not for kids and teenager,Smexy room fill with roses and also toys…You know what I mean.”Oh…you found my room how shy of me…” Slenderman facepalm and closes the room.Slenderman then proceed to leading Bronker an empty room but Bronker with his Creation Magic. He created a room that suit his style with that Slenderman is flatter.Even so Slenderman still proceed to take him a stroll around the town.
Before anyone Comment of how bad this is, first this entirely freestyle so no grammar format is applied so you guys might found the whole story is incorrect and also my english is so good so please do not be a dick posting about me been so bad.Also for some reason when i copy paste it just became like this where the place i wrote have paragraph
P.S the word there"so good" were mean to be not so good.
1. When i said people comment other been very bad like how i see them insult other like give link and tell them to study english like that is seriously making me mad and this is not entirely about slenderman as the whole stories is not pointing on him, but rather more on some event happen in which i will post new chapter.P.S this is just the prologue of how the new character came but thanks for reading.
I'm going to amend the first paragraph so you can get a glimpse of how many mistakes you made:
----- ORIGINAL ----
As years have passed,as many people know about him but now no longer.The long forgotten DEATH but not the death we knew but an old member of the creepypasta monster long before even Slenderman exist, he existed before even the creation of the universe sitting alone in the void of the universe, however he is very used to such environment.As year pass until he is engage in a battle against his greatest foe, Zalgo.He consider him to be the Grand Evil,the beginner of the evilness.Faithfully,he manage to defeat him and because he is immortal from both his soul and physically,he is therefore seal in the deepest part of the dark land,the heart of the dark land.Even he manage to do so,he as well injured badly to the point he longer can lift his own arm nor his finger.With his final spell,he encased himself in a frozen ice fill with Time Magic so no one can interrupt his recovery process.During the recovery process, he been thinking after he is fully recovered he probably should make a peace with Zalgo since he knew a universe,world,life, and even a mankind will exist.
----- AMENDED -----
It has been many years since an old member of the creepy pasta monster stood tall. This creature is rumoured to have existed before the creation of the universe, sitting alone in the void. Until one day, when he is entrenched into a battle of great evil against his greatest foe, Zalgo. He barely defeated him at the edge of the universe, where only darkness can be seen.
The creature, called [whatever do you call him?], sealed himself in an ice tomb where he will be able to recover. It was at this time when the creature looked up at the universal expanse and thought "I would rather like to make peace with Zalgo. I would like to be shown how to reach the universe and travel among the stars, where mankind could exist."
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Even the above isn't great because this so called "creepy pasta monster" has a terrible name. I'm pretty sure you can think of something better. Is he human? Is this creature actually some kind of monster made of pasta? Descriptions!
Describe to the reader and show them what is going on, and don't tell people "this is happening, that happened in the past, which didn't happen until this happened." That's almost what I am reading here, and it is an extremely poor way to start a story.
Also, don't make new threads for new sections of the story. Put it in the same thread for convenience.
"Show, don't tell." I want to know why I am reading this and what will keep me engaged. Telling me about some monster that barely survived a fight without describing the fight is barely going to keep me reading, and any other sane person on this planet.
I'm sorry, but if English is your first language (which I doubt it is) and you cannot take this harsh criticism, then clearly you should take some time by yourself and look back at what you wrote. We are here to help; but if you cannot take criticism, then we cannot help you improve.
Ignorance will become the death of us.
the creature is neither a being or anything it just take form of a human being but consider to be Death since he can either decide to let the person to be dead or continue to be alive so he is basically formless until the universe form.About criticsm is not i can't accept is just some people critic in a verbal abuse form and if he comment i need to fix some words or grammar then i gladly accept it and thanks for reading.
I will do so for the real chapter this is more of introduction of how he meet the slenderman and other. About how he be, well he have a very long background story and i doesn't want waste time write about his background but here's a summary,very short: He been almost consider is because during his spirit form his magic recover very fast and grow but because it have reach its limit, some his magic leaked out and even worse his dark side were along spread out giving birth to boogeyman and thats how he is almost consider a creepypasta, creating fear and hysteria.
During that time Zalgo is black hearted before he found light in himself and Death(AKA Bronker but later be called Death)knew his heart is too black and he seal him in the dark land in hope he will found his light but end up a battle before he is sealed.
