Outskirts of the city, born and raised, there was a kid who who used to play for days. One day, his mother said, "pack your bags, we're leaving." the boy couldn't stop grieving. The boy had packed his bag and skipped town, with his smile replaced with a frown. his new home was strange, and didn't feel right. none of his friends were in sight. As the days kept going, the pain started growing, and his grasp of reality soon started going.He started living in fantasy, his sanity, about to end.But then, he had found a friend. They enjoyed each others company, and became great friends. There's a moral to this story, a lesson to be learned. once a old life dies, an new leaf can be turned.
I would appreciate it, for starters, if you actually *versified* your poem, because this just looks like a bunch of prose to me.
I emphasise that this is important, because poetry is all about words set to a rhythmic, lyrical voice of speaking and reading, which you wouldn't use when reading a wall of text.
To follow what Troisnyx said, try to make it more readable. There are numerous grammar errors and basic problems. But don't give up! Keep writing! For starters, maybe you could change the format like this:
Outskirts of the city, born and raised,
there was a kid who who used to play for days.
One day, his mother said, "pack your bags, we're leaving."
the boy couldn't stop grieving.
The boy had packed his bag and skipped town,
with his smile replaced with a frown.
his new home was strange, and didn't feel right.
none of his friends were in sight.
As the days kept going,
the pain started growing,
and his grasp of reality soon started going.
He started living in fantasy,
his sanity,
about to end.
But then, he had found a friend.
They enjoyed each others company, and became great friends.
There's a moral to this story, a lesson to be learned.
once a old life dies, an new leaf can be turned.
Agreed, Please next time you post a poem, separate the parts
So that it's readable
My Brother is Philosophoraptor :3
I worship Raptor Jesus :O
My Father is Godzilla <3
