Angry and Disturbing Poem (Woo!)

[Kylpault]

So earlier this month my school held a poetry jam where students had the option of reading outloud a poem they had wrote. Before we get to the poem, let me clarify a few things.

First off, this school is a therapeutic school. That means there's certainly no retards or major learning disabilities but a ton of mental problems. I'm not going to label anyone with anything though for the sake of poem clarity I have to point out that I suffer from ASD and experience forms of panic attacks.

Second, this poem is far too vague and I don't like that about poetry. However, the poem itself was a message about an event that happened in school directed at the teachers, particularly the school administrators. In order to be able to read the poem at all I had to bypass censors schools put on stuff like that, but thankfully everyone who needed to get the message got it when I finished reading.

Third, the other poems were pretty awesome. Due to private content in some I'm not going to post them without permission but let's just say Robert Frost had nothing on the poems that went up that day, because they were almost all true stories. You haven't read poetry until you read non-fiction of someone getting clocked on the block.

And without further ado, let's get this over with.

Do You Know What I Felt?

I didn't know what to expect
It could be a nightmare or a dream
Was my choice wrong? Was I to pay?
Would I leave pleased or in screams?

My heart pounded...
I had been finally rewarded
Glee followed sighs of relief
I could sleep easy in my bed

There were people and there was hope and change
It was the place of my dreams
There was fun, friends, and joy
But it was not all it seems

More people were coming here
None were as happy as me
They were liars and complainers
Nothing will break my fantasy!

The people had come and they were taking people away
Everyone was being judged all the time, every day
They were going to come for me, eventually, please!
Don't leave me here, don't you know what they will do to me?

I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I couldn't fight, I couldn't die
Everyone was telling me it was safe but it was all a lie
They were taking me away, they were inflicting great pain
I was crying, I was panicking and they were all to blame!

Why did this all have to happen?
Why couldn't it have stayed the same?
Why would this keep on happening?
Why was this cursed to my name?

They told me that they understood
They told me they felt what I felt
They told me many things, those cheats
Did they know what I had felt?

I had felt utter despair
Horrible pain
Uncontrollable panic
So why did I choose to come back?

[Iusethetoilet]

i'm not sure how to review this, as i haven't really reviewed anything before. Though i'd like to say that i am not sure how i read the poem, it seems more like some sort of novel to me, though ofc. it is not. i like that you managed to put in a few rhymes in it. It is fairly simple and straight forward, it is easily understandable and your message is pretty clear. Though there is nothing really that makes me wonder and ponder. it just does not make one wonder and think "woow that is amazing" as you are already explaining most of it straight forward, if you get me :) also i will gladly review any of your work as long as you say yourself return the favor :)

[Maltos]

So why did I choose to come back?

First I want to say that when it comes to poetry you (cant) be wrong
that being said
I didn't get it and I think that is because this was meant for certain people
kind of like how you tell an inside joke, chances are that no one else will get it
I get that you were wronged and that you torture yourself with going back because its school and like it or not everyone needs an education lest you be ignorant.

Another bit was they censored your poem what kind of shit is that? What happened to freedom of expression/speech.
Maybe if the poem hadn't been censored I would have gotten the depth that this lacks.

Lastly I say these things some from anger because I wanted more from this I wanted the story I feel like im hanging on the ede of a cliff but I never get up nor do I fall

[Kylpault]

At 1/24/14 06:39 PM, Maltos wrote:

So why did I choose to come back?

First I want to say that when it comes to poetry you (cant) be wrong
that being said
I didn't get it and I think that is because this was meant for certain people
kind of like how you tell an inside joke, chances are that no one else will get it
I get that you were wronged and that you torture yourself with going back because its school and like it or not everyone needs an education lest you be ignorant.

Another bit was they censored your poem what kind of shit is that? What happened to freedom of expression/speech.
Maybe if the poem hadn't been censored I would have gotten the depth that this lacks.

Lastly I say these things some from anger because I wanted more from this I wanted the story I feel like im hanging on the ede of a cliff but I never get up nor do I fall

Sucks, I know. Mostly the censorship was caused by me trying to get it vague enough to be accepted. I'm surprised that it did get accepted since when I read it everyone in the school knew what it was about. The main problem I had was that it was a poem directed at the school and while they were okay with most mature topics (one non-fiction poem was about the reader's relationship with her mother, and it's worse than normal) the fact that the poem was anger at the school probably kicked in the censorship to a higher level.

I'm not going to give a full autobiography but here's a quick background. After hopping from school to school due to panic attacks my current school (the one I talk about in the poem) was looking like it was actually going to help me mentally. They do help, but I had started on an extended school year a little earlier than most other kids and so for the first few weeks the work was light and enjoyable. Once school actually started to be school kids started acting up around me saying how they hate the place, and since EMTs were being called far too often I started to see why. I ended up having a panic attack towards the end of the first quarter, which aren't fun. Particularly when your wrists start bleeding due to restraining with handcuffs on (not on the vein, but when you're having a panic attack it still scares the shit out of you).

When I came back there was the very real possibility that I would be placed at another school, but it was entirely my choice. I knew that the school was actually very high end and there were still many things about the school that I could use, but during a meeting with the school they still went all transparent sales pitch on me, hence them saying we know what you feel. I almost left the school out of anger from that one statement. They were bullshitting me but I swallowed my pride and still went back, and today I and every other student are in a better place at the same school. It felt a lot like closure to read this poem.

[Maltos]

. It felt a lot like closure to read this poem.

Thank you for the background of this poem, now it makes more sense

next time censor it for them but when the day comes and your reading it infront of people give them the uncensored version
fuck censorship and the FCC
America is all about freedom and its important that younger generations remind people of that

[Cyberdevil]

The flow of words is nice, but my emotions don't really get triggered, it feels like the scenario is vague and commonplace, no focus on details or specifics... like your generalizing both emotion and place and that way it doesn't really connect IMHO. Some of the rhymes feel like they were added just to rhyme as well, simple words at the end of phrases, but as far as structure and flow goes it's perfect. Very easy to read, fluent and fleeting though in truth without a foreseeable meaning.

[Norwind1986]

I chose to go into this with an open mind, like we all should with any written works, especially poems. Now here's the thing; as people and Kylpault himself has pointed out, this poem is directed especially toward a certain group of people. I am not one of those people. So, perhaps I'll never fully understand the circumstances truly in my heart, but I stepped out of my box and acknowledged while reading, "This is someone pouring their heart out about something truly important to them."

I felt claustrophobic while reading. Perhaps that's how you feel/felt? I could feel the desperation, too. I didn't even need to know exactly what was going on. I don't need constant rhyming and perfect cadence with this one. It doesn't seem like it was meant to be so; what I got from this was some pounding on the walls and an expression of feelings coming from deep within.

I'm not trying to sound all "mystic" here. Before I read your reply to others about what the content was specifically about, Kylpault, I understood this to be a torrent of thought that you had to release somehow, because if it was bottled up any longer it'd tear you up. Sometimes that's the best poetry I've read, is when someone is honest and transparent and puts themselves out there at others' mercy.

What I'm tryin' to say is I liked it a lot, and it packed some heat. I could feel it. Good job, man.

[hreyas]

I really like your poem

[MysticMan]

I'd really like to voice act and make this a cartoon. Is that alright with you? can I show you demos of my voice?