Still A Sceptic?

[Maltos]

Everything You Are About To Read Is Fictitious
As Far As You Know

My name is Thomas H****** I've tried time and time again but I never know why.
Why I can't stop, Why I push myself, Why I stain my lungs with fresh air.
I beg for a change and still I've seen the same old I cant stand it
I don't recommend you make a peep, close your mouth as well as your eyes
keep that rope around your neck keep it tight
Stop wasting time you'll shit yourself when you die
Pull the lever say goodbye
( Don't tell them the end ) but why? ( It's The Best Part ) I don't want this to be the end ( It's To Late Your Already Out Of Breath )

[Kylpault]

At 11/11/13 10:48 PM, Maltos wrote: Everything You Are About To Read Is Fictitious
As Far As You Know

My name is Thomas H****** I've tried time and time again but I never know why.
Why I can't stop, Why I push myself, Why I stain my lungs with fresh air.
I beg for a change and still I've seen the same old I cant stand it
I don't recommend you make a peep, close your mouth as well as your eyes
keep that rope around your neck keep it tight
Stop wasting time you'll shit yourself when you die
Pull the lever say goodbye
( Don't tell them the end ) but why? ( It's The Best Part ) I don't want this to be the end ( It's To Late Your Already Out Of Breath )

Congratulations! You have successfully creeped me out. I can't tell if that is a title or not. It's a pretty, well, scary piece. I would say you have accomplished your objective with your writing.

It seems like this is a poem of some sort, though the organization is weird. There's no real consistency, no format. And honestly this line seemed chunk; "I beg for a change..." But great job, you have a nice talent for writing. That last three lines were amazing and really took the poem to the next level, using to mood established in the earlier lines to tell a bit of a story. Keep it up!

[Maltos]

Congratulations! You have successfully creeped me out. I can't tell if that is a title or not. It's a pretty, well, scary piece. I would say you have accomplished your objective with your writing.

It seems like this is a poem of some sort, though the organization is weird. There's no real consistency, no format. And honestly this line seemed chunk; "I beg for a change..." But great job, you have a nice talent for writing. That last three lines were amazing and really took the poem to the next level, using to mood established in the earlier lines to tell a bit of a story. Keep it up!

Hey thanks for reading and for the reply
If you liked this one I'll be sure to brush up on my format and I'll get something else up maybe on a lighter note
thanks again for reading!!

[BoobMarley]

Skeptic.

[Maltos]

At 11/17/13 05:02 PM, BoobMarley wrote: Skeptic.

Thank you for catching that I kick myself when I make such stupid mistakes

thanks for reading

[BoobMarley]

At 11/17/13 09:16 PM, Maltos wrote: thanks for reading

I stopped reading at the title, son.

[Maltos]

At 11/17/13 11:16 PM, BoobMarley wrote:

At 11/17/13 09:16 PM, Maltos wrote: thanks for reading

I stopped reading at the title, son.

Well thank you for your helpful feedback