Why so depressing?

[JayTheWiz]

Totally serious question here, please do not think I'm being an obnoxious troll or anything, but why are funerals so depressing? Wouldn't the deceased rather us celebrate the good times we had with him/her instead of balling our eyes out, spiting our gods while screaming to the heavens, and/or looking like we are trying to be indifferent when we are clearly not?

[Nor]

Lets celebrate their death!
Finally they died!
Makes so much sense OP

[Senmetsu]

At 10/8/13 03:45 PM, JayTheWiz wrote: Totally serious question here

Part of it is selfishness, when someone we love dies then they'll no longer come to our social gatherings, or be around the house. Their presence was thought of as a positive presence, and not having that positive presence around will leave a hole in someone's life, a hole they'll have to try to fill. Like "I remember grandma made the best cookies and gave the best hugs"

Because grandma is gone there will be no more best cookies and best hugs, there will only be mediocre cookies and hugs.

Also, funerals remind us of our own mortality. We could die at any moment, and we could be the ones in the coffin. People start thinking of how everything they worked hard for is gonna mean fuckall when they're dead.. no more working on the car, no more playing video games, no more fantasy football, no more green bean casserole, no more making the best cookies or giving the best hugs.

These are two reasons I can see that someone would be depressed at a funeral, but I agree that ideally we should be celebrating who that person was and what they did while living on this planet with us.

You asked a good question though, and hopefully it sparks some insightful comments

[naronic]

You've never been to a real funeral have you?

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 03:55 PM, Nor wrote: Lets celebrate their death!
Finally they died!
Makes so much sense OP

Not what I meant. Not what I meant at all. I mean stuff like "He/she was a great friend." "It's a shame there gone, but they'd want us to be happy" stuff like that.

At 10/8/13 03:59 PM, naronic wrote: You've never been to a real funeral have you?

2 actually. About to be to a third.

[Senmetsu]

At 10/8/13 04:02 PM, JayTheWiz wrote:

2 actually. About to be to a third.

I'm sorry for your loss :(

I hope you can find a way to be happy and celebrate the life that person lived.

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 03:58 PM, Senmetsu wrote: You asked a good question though, and hopefully it sparks some insightful comments

Thanks bro... I never thought it could be out of selfishness at all... It kind of makes sense though... We all have that sort of thing going on deep down. The mortality thing though, I have thought about before, but I actually find it easier to cope with after just accepting death is inevitable, but I guess it's not like that for everyone.

[Nor]

At 10/8/13 04:02 PM, JayTheWiz wrote:

At 10/8/13 03:55 PM, Nor wrote: Lets celebrate their death!
Finally they died!
Makes so much sense OP

Not what I meant. Not what I meant at all. I mean stuff like "He/she was a great friend." "It's a shame there gone, but they'd want us to be happy" stuff like that.

Yeah they do say those stuff at a funeral, the tone is really somber though. They usually say their achievements and talk about the kind of person thy were.
The person is celebrated but its really sad at the same time. No one is going to have a smile on their face because they respect that person to not do so. Maybe after the funeral you can chuckle at funny things they did, but not there.
Its just formality is all

[BasedBubbus]

i want there to be mass suicide when i die

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 04:03 PM, Senmetsu wrote: I'm sorry for your loss :(

I hope you can find a way to be happy and celebrate the life that person lived.

Thanks. I'm trying to be positive. I found out yesterday, so it's still kind of sinking in.

At 10/8/13 04:06 PM, Nor wrote: Yeah they do say those stuff at a funeral, the tone is really somber though. They usually say their achievements and talk about the kind of person thy were.
The person is celebrated but its really sad at the same time. No one is going to have a smile on their face because they respect that person to not do so. Maybe after the funeral you can chuckle at funny things they did, but not there.
Its just formality is all

If you think it will be disrespectful to smile or say those things at the funeral, what makes it any less disrepectful to smile while remebering them in a positive light. I'll admit, if you are sitting there thinkihng "Yup, they finally crooked" or anything like that while smiling, then yes, serious problems, but otherwise it should be fine.

[eliteknightofastora]

well i kinda in the both sides while yes we should celebrete by the time that we did with that people that is what the dia de los muertos is like but is the same time its fell sad when you think the memories that you lived with that man or woman or even a alien is the same when i think of my mom

[Nor]

At 10/8/13 04:10 PM, JayTheWiz wrote: If you think it will be disrespectful to smile or say those things at the funeral, what makes it any less disrepectful to smile while remebering them in a positive light. I'll admit, if you are sitting there thinkihng "Yup, they finally crooked" or anything like that while smiling, then yes, serious problems, but otherwise it should be fine.

Do you smile after you lost someone? Did you smile at their funeral?

Its the same. You aren't going to be seeing anyone smiling because they just lost someone, its common sense.
Maybe later when they are over the fact that someone they knew/loved is dead they will.

If I went to a funeral I would definitely remember that person, but I would to overcome with sadness to smile.
Maybe the above user is right that its selfishness, maybe not.

Do you really not understand this?

Oh and the people who weren't close enough to be that sad wont be smiling either, because its respectful not to.

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 04:17 PM, Nor wrote: Do you smile after you lost someone? Did you smile at their funeral?

If I didn't do that atleast once, why would I even be asking this question?

If I went to a funeral I would definitely remember that person, but I would to overcome with sadness to smile.
Maybe the above user is right that its selfishness, maybe not.

Do you really not understand this?

Oh and the people who weren't close enough to be that sad wont be smiling either, because its respectful not to.

I don't understand it... I mean, if you can cope by remembering them in a good light, but instead of bringing you to tears it actually makes you happy, why not smile? I'm not saying it's bad to cry, and I get why people do, but I can't understand why it would be "disrespectful" to smile. You may as well just deck out the chapel with the most depressing imagery possible to ensure that everyone is brought to tears by the time the funeral is over. Or better yet, kick them out of the funeral all together since there way of coping is "unacceptable."

[VJF]

Me, personally I wouldn't want a funeral. Just cremate me and stick me on a shelf, or flush me down a toilet. What am I going to care, I'll be dead anyway,

[supergandhi64]

funerals aren't held for the dead but for the people who are left behind so that they can overcome their grief

--supergandhi64

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 04:29 PM, supergandhi64 wrote: funerals aren't held for the dead but for the people who are left behind so that they can overcome their grief

--supergandhi64

True... So wouldn't it be a time to atleast try and be positive instead of somber and depressing? If you are the latter, then you are giving into grief, not overcoming it.

[Atlas]

At 10/8/13 03:58 PM, Senmetsu wrote:

Great answer, etc.

Senmetsu basically answered your question in the best way humanly possible. Depressing answer I must say but it is the truth and the truth hurts. Very descriptive and insightful.

[Otto]

Some people do request that in their will, but that's what the wake is for I believe

[Nor]

At 10/8/13 04:25 PM, JayTheWiz wrote: I don't understand it... I mean, if you can cope by remembering them in a good light, but instead of bringing you to tears it actually makes you happy, why not smile? I'm not saying it's bad to cry, and I get why people do, but I can't understand why it would be "disrespectful" to smile. You may as well just deck out the chapel with the most depressing imagery possible to ensure that everyone is brought to tears by the time the funeral is over. Or better yet, kick them out of the funeral all together since there way of coping is "unacceptable."

Crying/depression is most peoples reaction to loss.
A funeral is like this and has been for hundreds of years it's custom. Tears are good, and they show you miss that person and you are sad they have passed. While smiling is not is not as conspicuous most people will see it as disrespectful. Not because they dont like how you cope, but because they will be confused by it. Thats how you cope? Sounds fine by me but being in a formal ceremony you have to be wary of other's feelings. The reason they might be confused is because most people just dont do that at a funeral, they either looks down or have watery eyes. It will be odd, again not that this should stop you but its just what people are used to.
Alright heres why smiling may seem disrespectful OP:
Lets put you into a scenario here:

Your wife just passed away, you are super depressed and down.
Of course you remember the good things about her, but you cry. You dot know why you cry and not smile but that's what happens. Everyone is remembering and grieving over your good wife when you spot this teen. He's in the corner, he has a smile on his face. Why does he have a smile on his face? Your wife just died. you dont understand.

Maybe thats not what it would be like for you, but imagine another person. Imagine how they would feel.
Its the same, smiling is not a "normal" customs for a funeral, but if you cope like that, its fine.

[supergandhi64]

At 10/8/13 04:36 PM, JayTheWiz wrote:

At 10/8/13 04:29 PM, supergandhi64 wrote: funerals aren't held for the dead but for the people who are left behind so that they can overcome their grief

--supergandhi64

True... So wouldn't it be a time to atleast try and be positive instead of somber and depressing? If you are the latter, then you are giving into grief, not overcoming it.

the only way to get over grief is to grieve. putting on a smile when you're unhappy is only going to make you more miserable. grief isn't something you can bottle up but rather something which has be allowed to run its course & be expelled from the body in order to restore the natural balance of your chakra

--supergandhi64

[JayTheWiz]

To: J-Rex

Well, a great answer here would kind of have to be depressing since it's asking why people are depressed. Agree though, Senmetsu's answer was very good and insightful.

To: Otto

I'm a little embarassed by this... but what is the Wake? I thought it was like, the meals and stuff they have after funerals, but Wiki seems to make it out to be the displays they have set up.

To: Nor

I get what you're saying. It's basically "mind your manners." I guess I can just try and keep it to myself... It's just that I can't really help it. When I remember good things, I smile. I cope but thinking of good things...So... Meh. I'll just try and not do it (smile that is) I guess.

[Nor]

At 10/8/13 04:50 PM, JayTheWiz wrote: To: Nor

I get what you're saying. It's basically "mind your manners." I guess I can just try and keep it to myself... It's just that I can't really help it. When I remember good things, I smile. I cope but thinking of good things...So... Meh. I'll just try and not do it (smile that is) I guess.

I said in my post that you shouldn't stop doing it. Coping in whatever way you can is good. Just mind others feelings as well.

Everyone grieves kinda in their own way, and it just so happens that your way is smiling.

[Chdonga]

There are actually lots of cultures where deaths are celebrated. You would know this if you crawled out from under your rock and/or did some research on other cultures every once in a while.

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 04:47 PM, supergandhi64 wrote:
the only way to get over grief is to grieve. putting on a smile when you're unhappy is only going to make you more miserable. grief isn't something you can bottle up but rather something which has be allowed to run its course & be expelled from the body in order to restore the natural balance of your chakra

That argument would be more compelling if I believed in chakra...

At 10/8/13 04:53 PM, Nor wrote:
I said in my post that you shouldn't stop doing it. Coping in whatever way you can is good. Just mind others feelings as well.

Everyone grieves kinda in their own way, and it just so happens that your way is smiling.

I meant during the funeral service. I'll justJust do it in private (or when I'm with friends who get it better then say, a friend of the deceased (which is my mom just in case anyone was wondering) who doesn't know me very well). Thanks for the insight.

[Vinnyy]

Because a loved one of ours has just passed away and will never be seen again. We're supposed to be happy about that? You've clearly never attended a funeral yourself or else you wouldn't be asking such a ridiculous question.

[JayTheWiz]

At 10/8/13 04:56 PM, Chdonga wrote: There are actually lots of cultures where deaths are celebrated. You would know this if you crawled out from under your rock and/or did some research on other cultures every once in a while.

I do know that, and I do do research (admitedly, not on the dead, but I've dallied around it) but there are 2 things I feel I have to say here

1) When I have researched it, it's usually a celebration that takes place well after the funeral (unless the funeral was held on the Day of the Dead... in which case... I don't know.)

and 2) I agree with those cultures; I do not live in a family that believes in that culture however, ergo I am asking this question.

At 10/8/13 05:00 PM, VinnyXY wrote: Because a loved one of ours has just passed away and will never be seen again. We're supposed to be happy about that? You've clearly never attended a funeral yourself or else you wouldn't be asking such a ridiculous question.

I have. As said, I've been to 2, admitedlly I only went to 1 where I was close to the deceased. During that funeral, I smiled remembering a close memory I had with that person, and I got scolded by one of my grandparents over it. I was maybe... 10 at the time. Ever since then, I've been pondering this. Perhaps I should of worded the question better though: "Why is it wrong to be happy..." as opposed to "Why are you depressed..."

[VJF]

At 10/8/13 05:32 PM, DecimatorOmega wrote: If none of you fucks cry at my funeral I shall rise from the dead and eat you.

Does that mean I get to practice my "ZOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" yell when you do?

[HeavenDuff]

At 10/8/13 03:55 PM, Nor wrote: Lets celebrate their death!
Finally they died!
Makes so much sense OP

Are you being dumb on purpose?

[Nor]

At 10/8/13 05:54 PM, HeavenDuff wrote: Are you being dumb on purpose?

Are you not reading everything else after and just mindlessly posting on purpose?

[HeavenDuff]

At 10/8/13 05:56 PM, Nor wrote: Are you not reading everything else after and just mindlessly posting on purpose?

I've read it, don't worry. Your original post is just the one that struck me the most with it's pointless agressivity toward someone who's asking a legitimate question.