Forest of Life

[masqueradeofsorrow6]

A calming wave of wind flows through the air.

Trees of pure green sparkling in dazzling sunlight.

Smells of ever blossoming roses intoxicate the senses.

Here in the forest of life.

Not a single human sound, as bird’s sing out.

Such a lovely tune that takes the soul like a lover when their crush kisses them with sweet snow like lips.

Here in the forest of life.

No pain, no worries, or even a tiny shred of care.

The wolves sleeping next to their child whose eye’s have yet to see the light.

Here in the forest of life.

(A short poem of mine that I wanted to show others sorry if it wasted any time but triond does not give me any comments or feedback which really blows so please if you have any feedback or comments let me know.)

[masqueradeofsorrow6]

At 9/9/13 08:07 AM, masqueradeofsorrow6 wrote: A calming wave of wind flows through the air.

Trees of pure green sparkling in dazzling sunlight.

Smells of ever blossoming roses intoxicate the senses.

Here in the forest of life.

Not a single human sound, as bird’s sing out.

Such a lovely tune that takes the soul like a lover when their crush kisses them with sweet snow like lips.

Here in the forest of life.

No pain, no worries, or even a tiny shred of care.

The wolves sleeping next to their child whose eye’s have yet to see the light.

Here in the forest of life.

(A short poem of mine that I wanted to show others sorry if it wasted any time but triond does not give me any comments or feedback which really blows so please if you have any feedback or comments let me know.)

P.s this is my first forum post SO SORRY ABOUT THE Photo did not want to use it I thought it mean't logo my bad. The pic does not belong to me I found it on google

[Atlas]

Very nice poem. I like the adjectives you used to describe the forest. You made me imagine a very beautiful forest untapped by humans.

[masqueradeofsorrow6]

At 9/9/13 01:17 PM, J-Rex wrote: Very nice poem. I like the adjectives you used to describe the forest. You made me imagine a very beautiful forest untapped by humans.

Thanks...you dont know how badly this means to me . .. in this time of misery i dont have much save for my poems . . . it feels good for them to be commented

[JayTheWiz]

Is the pic meant to be symbolic?

The poem is really good though. The description really does bring the forest to mind... although the "snow lips" part made me feel like I'd get frost bite from kissing a girl. xD

[JayTheWiz]

At 9/10/13 09:17 AM, JayTheWiz wrote: Is the pic meant to be symbolic?

Never mind that first part... I just noticed your second post.

[masqueradeofsorrow6]

At 9/10/13 09:17 AM, JayTheWiz wrote: Is the pic meant to be symbolic?

The poem is really good though. The description really does bring the forest to mind... although the "snow lips" part made me feel like I'd get frost bite from kissing a girl. xD

XD sorry I was thinking about a pale serene girl that you would only see in lore

[Aeropostal33]

yes that is beautiful inside and out....

[DeftAndEvil]

At 9/9/13 08:07 AM, masqueradeofsorrow6 wrote: A calming wave of wind flows through the air.

Love kinaesthetic imagery. "Wave," wind," "flows," and "air" is too much...

Trees of pure green sparkling in dazzling sunlight.

Also "pure green trees" and "flows through the air" are trite phrases for something that wants to be grand or romantic.

Smells of ever blossoming roses intoxicate the senses.

Show, don't tell. This is a perfect chance for olfactory imagery (sense of smell imagery). Also, how does a smell intoxicate more than one sense? Again, roses are too readily available as romantic, so it starts to work against you at this point.

Here in the forest of life.

I love refrains. But, what is the forest of life? Seems to be an allusion to the Garden of Eden, but this is never developed or communicated to the reader.

Not a single human sound, as bird’s sing out.

The apostrophe seems purposefully placed, but since this poem is not following a strict rhythm or meter, I'd recommend just taking it out, since it is an eyesore.

Such a lovely tune that takes the soul like a lover when their crush kisses them with sweet snow like lips.

???????????????????? Oddly informal.

Here in the forest of life.

No pain, no worries, or even a tiny shred of care.

The wolves sleeping next to their child whose eye’s have yet to see the light.

Here in the forest of life.

Well, the poem takes a sort of mawkish turn for the worse. Anyway, if you could give it more structure (the format itself is also strange. I don't know why it is double-spaced). Pay more attention to prosody (which is a giant pain, but it will make your poem better. Trust me); also the first thing you should do after write a poem is read it aloud. Flow is a controversial topic among critics (like prosody), but this poem could use better flow. Finally, it just seems really flat and unmoving. It could use an injection of freshness or thunder. Something.

[masqueradeofsorrow6]

At 9/15/13 01:42 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote:

At 9/9/13 08:07 AM, masqueradeofsorrow6 wrote: A calming wave of wind flows through the air.

Love kinaesthetic imagery. "Wave," wind," "flows," and "air" is too much...

Trees of pure green sparkling in dazzling sunlight.

Also "pure green trees" and "flows through the air" are trite phrases for something that wants to be grand or romantic.

Smells of ever blossoming roses intoxicate the senses.

Show, don't tell. This is a perfect chance for olfactory imagery (sense of smell imagery). Also, how does a smell intoxicate more than one sense? Again, roses are too readily available as romantic, so it starts to work against you at this point.

Here in the forest of life.

I love refrains. But, what is the forest of life? Seems to be an allusion to the Garden of Eden, but this is never developed or communicated to the reader.

Not a single human sound, as bird’s sing out.

The apostrophe seems purposefully placed, but since this poem is not following a strict rhythm or meter, I'd recommend just taking it out, since it is an eyesore.

Such a lovely tune that takes the soul like a lover when their crush kisses them with sweet snow like lips.

???????????????????? Oddly informal.

Here in the forest of life.

No pain, no worries, or even a tiny shred of care.

The wolves sleeping next to their child whose eye’s have yet to see the light.

Here in the forest of life.

Well, the poem takes a sort of mawkish turn for the worse. Anyway, if you could give it more structure (the format itself is also strange. I don't know why it is double-spaced). Pay more attention to prosody (which is a giant pain, but it will make your poem better. Trust me); also the first thing you should do after write a poem is read it aloud. Flow is a controversial topic among critics (like prosody), but this poem could use better flow. Finally, it just seems really flat and unmoving. It could use an injection of freshness or thunder. Something.

I don't revise poems this was one of my firsts and is actually the first piece that isn't sorrow tuned though I do take in consideration what you said I'm probably not going to edit it. I'll continue to make poems with that in mind to make sure it doesn't happen again :). This poem is also I recall being the starter since I am more of a writer then a poet. Thanks for the feedback ^^ and in truth I wanted it to be flat no thunder or anything to dramatic because its tranquility. As for the garden of eden nope sadly its just a forest untouched by humanity. You are not supposed to know what garden it is since I want you as a reader to think of what a forest of life is to you. If you wish you could check out my other works . . . some are not flat at all and sorry for the strange reply I'm writing Cross of Nightmare its 12 am and i'm terrified XD