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At 5/3/13 08:46 PM, hecticjon wrote:

At 5/3/13 08:30 PM, WaterShake wrote: "Gay people" don't collectively share anything apart from their sexuality.

i understand this since i actually know gay people, and i hope you made this post for the benefit of others

But this is exactly the problem, just because you know one, two or a dozen gay people, it's such a broad category of people it's not even worse generalising. In the same way that just because I know 3 people who prefer Coke to Pepsi, I don't have any incredible insight into the soft-drink industry.

Speaking as an actual, real-life, gay people myself ... all I can say to the OP is: I don't blame you. I can't take the super-flamboyant ones, either ... not for very long, anyway. God, that's tiring to be around a lot. As for your friend, he is probably exaggerating his effeminate nature and it will probably be a temporary thing ... it's not unusual for some newly-out gay men to do this. It's a bit like when you move out of the house and go to college ... you are so glad to be free of the old, oppressive restrictions that you overdo your newfound freedom and then you come back down to earth (hopefully). Hell, even I temporarily got a little bit effeminate when I came out ... and I am really not the least bit effeminate. I guess it just felt good to be able to do it because I finally could. It's kind of a rebellion thing, I guess. Then I realized that wasn't me at all and I went back to being the same person I always was, just not in the closet anymore.

I'd talk to your friend and ask him why the big personality change. I'm sure he knows he's doing it, but he also needs to know what it is about him that you always enjoyed. Focus on the positive stuff -- things you liked about him that's missing now. Make it more about missing the old him than disliking the new him. If he's certain that this new personality is who he really is then you might find yourself drifting apart, but it also might calm down a bit if he understands that it's wrecking something good. If it doesn't change, then I wouldn't blame you in the least if you couldn't make it work. Just try to make sure he understands that it's not his sexual orientation that's the problem. This is just one of those unfair things ... sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't. In a friendship, if one person has a crush, that's a tricky situation to begin with, regardless of the genders of the two people involved. It really may not work out.

Some other people will probably say some macho things like "just tell him to knock it off" or "cut the girly s***" ... and you could try that, but it'd probably just be taken completely the wrong way.

At 4/27/13 02:51 PM, triplenoob wrote: I have no idea how to feel about this. What do you think?

It would annoy the shit out of me too because i would have this impression in my head he was being fake for a long period of time and now he changes his behavior because he came out of the closet? It would annoy the shit out of me, i mean if your gay your gay, if you want my d you want my d, no need to change your posture and who you are because of it. Just be yourself.

Even if that is "himself" i would still doubt it. Idk what i would do, i would prolly just ignore the fact it annoys the shit out of me and keep chillin with him.

At 5/3/13 04:37 PM, FrozenFire wrote: "Just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to start talking like a highschool cheerleader. I liked who you were before why change that now? Nothing about what you do with your dick should alter your social behavior."

^That's a really good thing to say. Great advice!

At 5/3/13 08:30 PM, WaterShake wrote: The majority of normal-behaved and straight-seeming gay people are unaccounted for because people assume they're straight.

This. Whenever I tell someone that I am bisexual, they always seem shocked.

inb4 "well, you're bisexual, not gay, so it's not the same!"

I used to have a freind who was gay, but you couldn't tell that he was interested in the same sex. He didn't act feminine or say "oooooohhhhhh maaaaaahhhhh gaaaawwwwwddddd" or wear, well, "gay" clothing. He hid his sexuality really well and he moved schools so I haven't seen him since the middle of last year, but we've chatted a bit over Facebook.

At 5/3/13 09:33 PM, LeoMDK wrote: I'd talk to your friend and ask him why the big personality change. I'm sure he knows he's doing it, but he also needs to know what it is about him that you always enjoyed. Focus on the positive stuff -- things you liked about him that's missing now. Make it more about missing the old him than disliking the new him. If he's certain that this new personality is who he really is then you might find yourself drifting apart, but it also might calm down a bit if he understands that it's wrecking something good. If it doesn't change, then I wouldn't blame you in the least if you couldn't make it work.

That's actually great advice, thanks for your post. I haven't been able to talk to him since I made this post, because I felt too awkward around him, but I'll try and talk to him about that. You're awesome, thanks!

At 4/27/13 02:51 PM, triplenoob wrote: I have no idea how to feel about this. What do you think?

You really shouldn't have a guided sense on how to feel about it. You feel how you feel. It seems that you feel a little annoyed with his openness since he came out but you still support him in his lifestyle because he's your best friend. You could ask him to tone it down. I'm guessing he wasn't like that before he came out to you so just ask him to reel it in a little. You're not asking him to change, you just want him to have a little more respect for you comfort zone.