At 3/19/14 05:59 PM, Protoman1337 wrote:
I wish for a 500 mile long penis.

Granted. You're horrifying medical condition immortalizes your grief on TLC, and you quickly become ill due to your body not having enough pressure to propel urine through the 500 mile tract...pockets begin to swell near the base, while the extremities, 480+miles of your genitalia, atrophy and die due to the lack of blood flow. The stench from the excess flesh as it begins to rot away, unclean, unkempt, is unbearable. Castration becomes necessary for you to live...and no one takes it seriously because its kinda hilarious.

I wish I had Dragonball Z powers.

unable to control these new powers you destroy the general area you begin a freakish Apocalypse no one can approach you you gain control but youre insane coruppted an evil overlord

i forgot a wish

i wish to overthrow you

At 3/19/14 10:52 PM, UFO3240 wrote:

i wish to overthrow you

Granted. you now rule all but your anus may have the herp.

I wish jesus had three arms

At 3/19/14 10:57 PM, Maltos wrote:

At 3/19/14 10:52 PM, UFO3240 wrote:

i wish to overthrow you

Granted. you now rule all but your anus may have the herp.

I wish jesus had three arms

thirdarms your severed arm
i wish Electronic Arts was a good company

At 3/20/14 12:12 AM, UFO3240 wrote: i wish Electronic Arts was a good company

Granted, but the company you work for becomes even worse.

I wish you'd learn English.

At 3/20/14 11:02 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish you'd learn English.

Granted, but English becomes a dead language like Latin.

I wish my laptop wasn't full of malware.

At 3/20/14 11:49 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 3/20/14 11:44 PM, UncleCubone wrote:

I wish my laptop wasn't full of malware.

Granted, it isn't full of anything, simply a case with a keyboard!

I wish you would go ahead and kill me already...

"granted you get killed but the para medics revive you
i wish obama and biden would get blammed out of the univere"

At 3/21/14 08:52 AM, creepystalkerperson2 wrote:

At 3/20/14 11:49 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 3/20/14 11:44 PM, UncleCubone wrote:

I wish my laptop wasn't full of malware.

Granted, it isn't full of anything, simply a case with a keyboard!

I wish you would go ahead and kill me already...

"granted you get killed but the para medics revive you
i wish obama and biden would get blammed out of the univere"

Granted, but an even more shitty team of president and vice-president take their places. (And considering it's America, yes, I do believe this is possible)

I wish you'd stop putting everything in quotation marks.

At 3/21/14 10:52 AM, SCTE3 wrote:

At 3/21/14 10:49 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish you'd stop putting everything in quotation marks.

Wish granted but you no longer know who the user is any time you see them post.

I wish for a tasty sandwich.

Granted, but you're not the one who's going to eat it. hehe

I wish to steal your sandwich.

At 3/21/14 11:06 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
Granted, but you're not the one who's going to eat it. hehe

I wish to steal your sandwich.

Granted but I poisoned it.

I wish I hadn't done that.

At 3/21/14 02:37 PM, Elitistinen wrote:
I wish for weed to be legalized in North America so I don't have to buy it on darknet or drag myself all the way to Colorado.

Granted. Home-grown weed is still illegal and the legal stuff is incredibly weakened, with no greater buzz than one would get from a Clove cigarette.

I wish my buddy who has a metal rod in his spine from a shitty scholiosis surgery, instead had a fully functional, flexible robot spine that'll last him the rest of his life without any painful side effects. That way, he can get a comfortable nights rest.

At 3/21/14 05:08 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 3/21/14 02:37 PM, Elitistinen wrote:
I wish for weed to be legalized in North America so I don't have to buy it on darknet or drag myself all the way to Colorado.

Granted. Home-grown weed is still illegal and the legal stuff is incredibly weakened, with no greater buzz than one would get from a Clove cigarette.

I wish my buddy who has a metal rod in his spine from a shitty scholiosis surgery, instead had a fully functional, flexible robot spine that'll last him the rest of his life without any painful side effects. That way, he can get a comfortable nights rest.

Granted. However, his robot spine develops a life of its own without him even noticing.

I wish your buddy was healthy.

At 3/22/14 10:42 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish your buddy was healthy.

Granted, but he drains health from you.

I wish the Westboro Baptist Church disbanded because of Fred Phelps finally dying.

At 3/22/14 12:58 PM, Vinnyy wrote:

At 3/22/14 12:49 PM, Ericho wrote:

At 3/22/14 10:42 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish your buddy was healthy.

Granted, but he drains health from you.

I wish the Westboro Baptist Church disbanded because of Fred Phelps finally dying.

Granted, but a new church, filled with rapist priests, is immediately formed.

There are enough of those already.

I wish I could live in a cartoon world.

Granted, you're the guy who's always beaten up.

I wish for a church whose priests are normal people.

At 3/22/14 01:51 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish for a church whose priests are normal people.

Granted. With nothing to complain about the more obnoxious atheists of the world overfill with self righteousness and explode. The bad part is some of it gets on your shirt.

I wish for a house on the moon with plenty of air and food that only I can easily get to.

At 3/22/14 04:36 PM, stafffighter wrote:

I wish for a house on the moon with plenty of air and food that only I can easily get to.

granted,buy you can't have any friends or family and you grow lonely
i wish for a house in the country side and a barn with a good internet connection and tv

At 3/22/14 07:55 PM, kazumazkan wrote:

At 3/22/14 04:36 PM, stafffighter wrote:

I wish for a house on the moon with plenty of air and food that only I can easily get to.

granted,buy you can't have any friends or family and you grow lonely

You were supposed to corrupt it.

i wish for a house in the country side and a barn with a good internet connection and tv

Granted. The tv has no remote.

I wish for 90 loaded and cocked crossbows.

At 3/22/14 08:06 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish for 90 loaded and cocked crossbows.

Granted. Tumbling into a heap before your very eyes is a bizarre site...Ninety wooden devices and...each and every single one of them is loaded with cheese, chives, bacon bits, and sour cream....

"Ohhhhh 'loaded'..." you sigh...

You precariously pick one of the disappointing things up. Upon further inspection, the crossbow is intricately carved to resemble a rooster...the front of the beak and the face pointing forward, depicting wings spread wide to form the arms of the weapon.

".......Roost- Chicken? Oh, goddammit...'Cocked' ...." you mutter and grumble. Tossing the messy, food-stained Cockbow to the ground with the pile of other messy cacophany of disappointing bullshit.

The only proper response to this madness is to shit into your own hand because at least SOMETHING interesting will happen, and maybe the room won't reek of sour cream, fake bacon, and chives.

I wish that GMO's were actually healthier for us than expensive organic foods. That way the cheaper, mass-produced alternative stuff was actually beneficial and a much better deal, too.

At 3/23/14 09:08 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish that GMO's were actually healthier for us than expensive organic foods. That way the cheaper, mass-produced alternative stuff was actually beneficial and a much better deal, too.

Granted, but they taste terrible.

I wish I could visit every country in the world.

At 3/23/14 09:59 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 3/23/14 09:08 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish that GMO's were actually healthier for us than expensive organic foods. That way the cheaper, mass-produced alternative stuff was actually beneficial and a much better deal, too.

Granted, but they taste terrible.

I wish I could visit every country in the world.

Granted, now they hate you all over the world.

I wish no one hated me.

At 3/23/14 10:20 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish no one hated me.

Granted. We all want hugs.

I wish the spice girls hadn't broken up.

At 3/23/14 07:28 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 3/23/14 10:20 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish no one hated me.

Granted. We all want hugs.

I wish the spice girls hadn't broken up.

they get back together but they now play classic bluegrass and are all old and white

i wish she was real

At 3/23/14 07:31 PM, Thoth0 wrote:
i wish she was real

Granted, but its nowhere near you and there's no indication to where she is. She has no connection to you. You will never meet her in your life.

I wish I had a magic credit card that never ran out of money, belonging to only me, that perfectly, legally, granted me alone limitless funds to do as I please.

At 3/23/14 07:34 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish I had a magic credit card that never ran out of money, belonging to only me, that perfectly, legally, granted me alone limitless funds to do as I please.

Granted. You leave your wallet in your pants and it goes through the washer and dryer.

I wish Mcdonalds had the shamrock shake year round.

At 3/23/14 07:58 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish Mcdonalds had the shamrock shake year round.

Granted. To meet with the demand of the special supplies, there's a degradation in quality to meet with the new standard for distribution. They will never be as good as they were ever again.

I wish I could just poop like a normal person.

At 3/24/14 10:21 AM, Vinnyy wrote:

At 3/24/14 08:18 AM, Phobotech wrote:
I wish I could just poop like a normal person.

Granted, but you now fart out from your dick.

I wish today is the first anniversary of this thread's creation.

Granted, but then you're transported to an alternate dimension where this thread was created a day earlier, so you missed out on the anniversary.

I wish I could contribute to other threads as well (as I'm sure half my posts are in this thread alone).

At 3/24/14 10:39 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 3/24/14 10:21 AM, Vinnyy wrote:

At 3/24/14 08:18 AM, Phobotech wrote:
I wish I could just poop like a normal person.

Granted, but you now fart out from your dick.

I wish today is the first anniversary of this thread's creation.

Granted, but then you're transported to an alternate dimension where this thread was created a day earlier, so you missed out on the anniversary.

I wish I could contribute to other threads as well (as I'm sure half my posts are in this thread alone).

Granted. However, all of your posts get deleted, even those not in this thread.

I wish for 2 cheese quesadillas.

At 3/24/14 01:53 PM, Protoman1337 wrote: I wish for 2 cheese quesadillas.

Granted, but the cheese smells. Like, really bad.

I wish I hadn't eaten so goddamn much.

At 3/24/14 02:16 PM, Elitistinen wrote:
I wish for someone make Putin dead, just like an accident, heart attack. To pay for all the victims he killed.

Granted. A cataclysmic synchronized nuclear event occurs in Russia, where all Russian nuclear reactors meltdown, develop into China Syndrome. Its not the radiation that kills Putin, but a heart attack from the stress from the situation.

The world is changed forever...humanity dangles from a toxic thread, surrounded by deadly, irreversible horrors.

I wish Nuclear energy was traded out completely, ENTIRELY, for something safer.