Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 7/5/13 08:35 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish for fewer cock jokes.

Granted. Jesus Christ returns to earth and makes manifest the holy power of God, proving to us once and for all that everything in the bible is true. In the ravenous wars of stubborn sinners, the general world order converts to that of a strict, Church State. The mere referencing of the male genitals is worth up to fifty lashings on the first offense...the cock joke dies out except for quite, giggle-causing murmurs among juveniles.

I wish we knew for certain the truths behind the afterlife, whether it supports or disproves any religion or not.

At 7/5/13 08:40 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish we knew for certain the truths behind the afterlife, whether it supports or disproves any religion or not.

Granted. We will all go to hell.

I wish I could send people to hell.

At 7/5/13 08:45 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I could send people to hell.

Granted. When you curse someone they will go to hell! ...Eventually...I mean, you don't kill them right there on the spot. But in however many years or decades it takes for them to live the rest of their life, they're TOTALLY going to go to hell when they inevitably kick the bucket. The fine print? So do you when your time comes.

I wish I could transform into any animal I want, reverting back to normal whenever I want.

At 7/5/13 09:07 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 7/5/13 08:45 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I could send people to hell.

Granted. When you curse someone they will go to hell! ...Eventually...I mean, you don't kill them right there on the spot. But in however many years or decades it takes for them to live the rest of their life, they're TOTALLY going to go to hell when they inevitably kick the bucket. The fine print? So do you when your time comes.

I wish I could transform into any animal I want, reverting back to normal whenever I want.

Granted. You transform into a mouse right in front of your cat.

I (still) wish I wasn't way too lazy to clean my aquarium.

At 7/5/13 10:03 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I (still) wish I wasn't way too lazy to clean my aquarium.

Upon this wish being granted, you are insatiably obsessed with the aquarium. All of your energy goes into cleaning, maintaining, and eventually modifying and elaborately expanding upon the aquarium to a disturbing scale.

I wish my beard had cool superpowers.

At 7/5/13 10:28 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 7/5/13 10:03 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I (still) wish I wasn't way too lazy to clean my aquarium.

Upon this wish being granted, you are insatiably obsessed with the aquarium. All of your energy goes into cleaning, maintaining, and eventually modifying and elaborately expanding upon the aquarium to a disturbing scale.

I wish my beard had cool superpowers.

Granted, but you have no control over any of them.

I wish that I wished for something, cause I didn't.

At 7/5/13 02:57 PM, VinnyXY wrote:
I wish that I wished for something, cause I didn't.

Granted, but when prompted for the wish, it was barely coherent and clumsy.

I wish the old politicians fought the wars instead of the young.

At 7/5/13 03:45 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish the old politicians fought the wars instead of the young.

Granted. No one goes into politics because of the death sentence attached and the world falls into anarchy, and not cool Mad Max style anarchy.

I wish for dubstep to make sense to me.

At 7/5/13 05:11 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish for dubstep to make sense to me.

Granted, it's the only thing that makes sense to you. Math, sex, language, and the ability to breath in smooth rythem have all escape you. Now you breath in a weird dubstep tone and everyone finds you annoying. You evenutally died, in a dubstep fashion.

I wish for the super power over lightning.

At 7/5/13 05:44 PM, Tankdown wrote:
I wish for the super power over lightning.

Granted.

(wise ass response)

The area over lightning is the Stratosphere. You have the ability of super-cool, pressurized altitudes. Its really nothing special.

(actual response)

You now have the ability to shoot lightning out of any surface of your body...you are not impervious to the painful burns this causes. Your heart is constantly on the brink of death, and in time, your increasingly hairless body is riddled with scar tissue.

I wish I could own and maintain a massive honey farm with friendly little bumble bees.

At 7/5/13 06:48 PM, Phobotech wrote:

:...You now have the ability to shoot lightning out of any surface of your body...you are not impervious to the painful burns this causes. Your heart is constantly on the brink of death, and in time, your increasingly hairless body is riddled with scar tissue.

I wish I could own and maintain a massive honey farm with friendly little bumble bees.

Your farm becomes a well-established brand. Your company becomes large- too large, and you're bought out by Disney.

I wish I could fly. I wish I could touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and then fly away...

At 7/5/13 07:15 PM, iracundiarock wrote: I wish I could fly. I wish I could touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and then fly away...

Granted, your blood is replaced with helium and you float away...forever

I wish for a trained smart kitty as a pet.

At 7/5/13 07:18 PM, Tankdown wrote: I wish for a trained smart kitty as a pet.

Granted, but the kitty will eventually come to the conclusion that he has a mind of its own, and doesn't need to be your pet.

I wish for a unusual in TF2.

At 7/5/13 07:42 PM, scoutthesoldier wrote:

At 7/5/13 07:18 PM, Tankdown wrote: I wish for a trained smart kitty as a pet.

Granted, but the kitty will eventually come to the conclusion that he has a mind of its own, and doesn't need to be your pet.

I wish for a unusual in TF2.

Granted, but it will be the last thing you see.

I wish I had some idea what the f**k you were just talking about.

At 7/6/13 10:05 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish I had some idea what the f**k you were just talking about.

Granted, but then you will be wanting an unusual, too.

I wish for a collection of rubber ducks dressed in costumes of DC heroes and villains.

At 7/6/13 11:00 AM, scoutthesoldier wrote: I wish for a collection of rubber ducks dressed in costumes of DC heroes and villains.

Granted, but you get sued for copyright infringement.

I wish to see the MLP movie in theaters (I mean that, BTW).

At 7/6/13 11:10 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 7/6/13 11:00 AM, scoutthesoldier wrote: I wish for a collection of rubber ducks dressed in costumes of DC heroes and villains.

Granted, but you get sued for copyright infringement.

I wish to see the MLP movie in theaters (I mean that, BTW).

Granted, but you will be all alone there because no one else gives a sh**.

I wish you were not serious about that.

At 7/6/13 11:15 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish you were not serious about that.

Granted. Its revealed that the entire brony movement was one giant inside joke perpetrated by 4chan, that anybody who took it seriously, observers and participants alike, are all fools unless they're buying into the fandom ironically. We've been had!

I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.

I wish I had a boat.

At 7/6/13 12:45 PM, Phobotech wrote: I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.

Granted, see next line...

I wish I had a boat.

Granted. Oops it's sinking in the middle of ocean. Oops sharks are around. Oops.

At 7/6/13 12:49 PM, Sielumetsien wrote:
Granted. Oops it's sinking in the middle of ocean. Oops sharks are around. Oops.

Aww....

...well, what's your wish?

At 7/6/13 12:54 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 7/6/13 12:49 PM, Sielumetsien wrote:
Granted. Oops it's sinking in the middle of ocean. Oops sharks are around. Oops.

Aww....

...well, what's your wish?

Crap! I wish I shall never forget what I gonna post in BBS.

At 7/6/13 01:13 PM, Sielumetsien wrote:

Crap! I wish I shall never forget what I gonna post in BBS.

Granted. Your constant timely and spot on responses make people think you're a douche.

I wish fire responded when called by name.

At 7/6/13 01:21 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 7/6/13 01:13 PM, Sielumetsien wrote:

Crap! I wish I shall never forget what I gonna post in BBS.

Granted. Your constant timely and spot on responses make people think you're a douche.

I wish fire responded when called by name.

Granted. You call the fire by name and it responds. The next day, they find a burnt corpse that once was you.

I wish I could control fire without ever getting burned.

At 7/6/13 01:28 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 7/6/13 01:21 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 7/6/13 01:13 PM, Sielumetsien wrote:

Crap! I wish I shall never forget what I gonna post in BBS.

Granted. Your constant timely and spot on responses make people think you're a douche.

I wish fire responded when called by name.

Granted. You call the fire by name and it responds. The next day, they find a burnt corpse that once was you.

I wish I could control fire without ever getting burned.

Granted, but whenever you go near someone that you love or even like they instantly burn to ashes and you can't do anything about that. You have been cursed with the ability to incinerate all the people that you are close to just by being near them.

I wish for happiness.

At 7/6/13 02:29 PM, VinnyXY wrote:
I wish for happiness.

Granted, you become an addict. Your every waking moment is to make sure you stayyyy happyyyy...just until the next fix.

I wish I had a samurai costume, complete with a badass custom sword that compliments me and my look well.

At 7/7/13 01:58 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 7/6/13 02:29 PM, VinnyXY wrote:
I wish for happiness.

Granted, you become an addict. Your every waking moment is to make sure you stayyyy happyyyy...just until the next fix.

I wish I had a samurai costume, complete with a badass custom sword that compliments me and my look well.

Granted, but you'd still lose in a sword fight. The apprentice samurai has spoken (not joking!)

I wish I was better at swordfighting.

At 7/7/13 10:15 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish I was better at swordfighting.

You're so good others challenge you to the death and the ones who do that are people you like.

I wish for infinite wishes.

At 7/7/13 10:22 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 7/7/13 10:15 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish I was better at swordfighting.

You're so good others challenge you to the death and the ones who do that are people you like.

I wish for infinite wishes.

Granted, all of them will be corrupted.

I wish to kill the next guy who wishes for infinite wishes, as that wish appears really way too often.

At 7/7/13 10:28 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish to kill the next guy who wishes for infinite wishes, as that wish appears really way too often.

Granted. There's always a next one. Eventually killing stops being fun.

I wish to take the role of the Doctor when Matt Smith leave this year and be so good at it the viewers don't know I'm American.

At 7/7/13 11:58 AM, stafffighter wrote: I wish to take the role of the Doctor when Matt Smith leave this year and be so good at it the viewers don't know I'm American.

Granted, but the viewers think that you're an animal.

I wish to have infinite amount of rum and epic sport car.