At 6/26/13 11:09 AM, TomCheatedonApril wrote:

At 6/26/13 09:13 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
Granted, but when you forget, you stink even more.

I wish I was undead.

Granted, but you are now Hellspawn!

I wish the whole world was ruled under the Divine Mandate of Jesus Christ!

Granted, but it is a guy from New Jersey name Jesus Christ. His name was given to him by his mentally ill mother. He later dies that day believing he could walk on scalding hot water in a swimming pool, while in your backyard. You are blamed for his death and are sentence to 20 years in prison without the chance of parole....

I wish I knew how to program a computer...

At 6/26/13 11:48 AM, 00Nick00 wrote: I wish I knew how to program a computer...

Granted, you are now a computer genius, and you decide to hack into the CIA, making you #1 on their hit list.

At 6/26/13 12:47 PM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish I could teleport to anywhere I want.

Granted, but you accidentally teleport yourself straight to a nuclear test site.

I wish all wars would end.

At 6/26/13 01:26 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 6/26/13 11:48 AM, 00Nick00 wrote: I wish I knew how to program a computer...

Granted, you are now a computer genius, and you decide to hack into the CIA, making you #1 on their hit list.

At 6/26/13 12:47 PM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish I could teleport to anywhere I want.

Granted, but you accidentally teleport yourself straight to a nuclear test site.

I wish all wars would end.

Granted, But sacrifices are needed in order for there to be no more wars and you are one of the lucky few chosen for the honor. On the day of your sacrifice, you fall down a flight of stairs as you are being lead up to the altar and die a painful death. Everyone else that was sacrificed that day receive honor and praise while you will be forever known as the guy who fell down a flight of stairs and died....

I wish I could time-travel...

At 6/26/13 03:08 PM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish I could eat anything and never feel full.

Granted, but you gain weight three times faster than the average person.

I wish I was completely immune to death or aging.

yeah yeah we get this wish a lot blah blah - It's what I want, punish me for it.

At 6/26/13 03:08 PM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish I could eat anything and never feel full.

Granted, but you gain weight three times faster than the average person.

I wish I was completely immune to death or aging.

yeah yeah we get this wish a lot blah blah - It's what I want, punish me for it.

At 6/26/13 06:10 PM, BassWraith wrote: I wish I was completely immune to death or aging.

Granted, people discover your secret, imprison you in a lab where many painful expairments were done on the body (if they is your fetish then I guess it's okay). After being unsucessful they all decided to eat your body to become immortal. Eveuntally all the fleshy scraps go through their systems. You live forever as living poo scatter throughout the entire world.

I wish for a hot sexy female slave that does anything I command.

At 6/26/13 06:16 PM, Tankdown wrote:

At 6/26/13 06:10 PM, BassWraith wrote: I wish I was completely immune to death or aging.

Granted, people discover your secret, imprison you in a lab where many painful expairments were done on the body (if they is your fetish then I guess it's okay). After being unsucessful they all decided to eat your body to become immortal. Eveuntally all the fleshy scraps go through their systems. You live forever as living poo scatter throughout the entire world.

I wish for a hot sexy female slave that does anything I command.

Granted. Your Jabba and the hot sexy female slave is Princess Leia. But when Luke and his friends start to fight back Princess Leia chokes you to death with her chains.

I wish animals could talk

At 6/26/13 06:18 PM, TehPoptartKid wrote: Granted. Your Jabba and the hot sexy female slave is Princess Leia. But when Luke and his friends start to fight back Princess Leia chokes you to death with her chains.

I wish animals could talk

...I can't see that as a punishment. Oh well

Granted, but their vocab consist only the words F!@#, S!@#, mother, and several others. Plus the topic on all their langauge is you, and only you. Doesn't matter if someone is talking about global warming, a dog will change the topic to how much you are terrible.

I wish to be giant.

At 6/26/13 06:22 PM, Tankdown wrote:
I wish to be giant.

Granted, you are now a giant, you are now 20 feet tall. Because of your height you will have heart problems (due to your heart having to work harder) , forced to walk everywhere (because no car, truck or bus is large enough) and you can never have sex.

I wish for the extinction of all life.

At 6/26/13 06:42 PM, Heretic-Anchorite wrote:
I wish for the extinction of all life.

Granted, life is reclassified in our continued existence in the ghost realm. Our quality of life is the same, only our plane of life is endless, everything is much more crowded, and we are deathless.

I wish I was Dr. Manhattan.

At 6/26/13 08:04 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 6/26/13 06:42 PM, Heretic-Anchorite wrote:
I wish for the extinction of all life.

Granted, life is reclassified in our continued existence in the ghost realm. Our quality of life is the same, only our plane of life is endless, everything is much more crowded, and we are deathless.

I wish I was Dr. Manhattan.

Granted, but everyone will hate you.

I wish for a less freaky family.

At 6/27/13 06:16 AM, BigBadtheBazz wrote:

At 6/27/13 06:00 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish for a less freaky family.

granted, now they're all boring as fuck and hate you for being so different.

If they still hate me for being different, nothing will have changed.

I wish for my end.

Granted, but now you will wander the shadow realm for all eternity. It's pitch black and it can get damn boring. And neither heaven nor hell will have you because you explicitly wished for your end.

I wish for a sandwich.

At 6/27/13 06:29 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish for a sandwich.

Granted, but it's a shit sandwich and it tastes like shit.

I wish nothing ever existed, ever.

At 6/27/13 07:25 AM, Shockoach wrote:
I wish nothing ever existed, ever.

Granted, but the mere concept of existence vanishes. The idea of what dictates existence and non-existence breaks, yet everything of all matter stays place. Time progresses as usual, life progresses as usual, our bodies, our functions, our speech and ideas remain unaltered. Everything is as it has always been, but we simply stop trying so hard to classify things. Something clicks, in our primitive mind, where it dominates, flooding over the trivial blockades we have mentally constructed all around our psyche...the structural supports, and figurative walls, ceilings and floors we have arbitrarily attached to all manner of things to dictate what place they serve, in what is possible and what is impossible have vanished. It is only us...in life...seeing life in a light we have never conceived...for the first time in our modern existence, our minds experience a euphoric freedom and non-restriction that escapes words. We see things for their literal content, for what all things are and not what we call them...the fluidity of thought and the way our brain processes without dictating in a translatable language, "what exists, whats not, why are we here, when are we here, what is anything anymore"-- Nothing exists...it just "is" as it always has been. They are left to just be...

...I wish I was higher than I currently am.

At 6/27/13 08:31 AM, Phobotech wrote: ...I wish I was higher than I currently am.

Granted, but you fall all the way down.

I wish I had all the beer in the world and would never get drunk.

At 6/27/13 11:55 AM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish only I can corrupt wishes from now on.

Granted, but you find a genie and he gives you three wishes but you corrupt them all with results in terrible, terrible things.

I wish I could shoot webs like Spiderman

At 6/27/13 12:06 PM, Shockoach wrote:

At 6/27/13 11:55 AM, VinnyXY wrote: I wish only I can corrupt wishes from now on.

Granted, but you find a genie and he gives you three wishes but you corrupt them all with results in terrible, terrible things.

I wish I could shoot webs like Spiderman

Granted, but it only works when your sexually aroused.

I wish i could go into the future.

At 6/27/13 01:43 PM, VinnyXY wrote:
I wish I was omnipotent and omniscient. I would be able to do whatever I please and nothing could ever go wrong for me.

That's three wishes.

Being a corruptive wish granter, I'll opt to pay attention to the last one only, "being able to do whatever and nothing could ever go wrong."

Granted, you are now retarded. You spill your drinks and knock stuff over, but your parents still love you. You may drool and yell every once and a while, at however you please, but nobody ever REALLY punishes you for it. Life is good and simple. If I were to bend the corruption to include the other two details, you are such, but only within the confines of your special mind...unable to articulate the wealth of information you have access to.

I wish that I had my very own, perfectly functioning, real P-51 Mustang.

At 6/27/13 05:57 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish that I had my very own, perfectly functioning, real P-51 Mustang.

granted, but it has a rotten eggs smell you cant get off.

i wish to eat a coconut in perfect edible state without any contamination knowing im not allergic and that i cant choke on it

At 6/27/13 06:12 PM, kakalxlax wrote: i wish to eat a coconut in perfect edible state without any contamination knowing im not allergic and that i cant choke on it

Granted, the coconut falls on your head, giving you a concussion.

I wish I had air conditioning!

At 6/27/13 06:15 PM, Ranger2 wrote:

At 6/27/13 06:12 PM, kakalxlax wrote: i wish to eat a coconut in perfect edible state without any contamination knowing im not allergic and that i cant choke on it

Granted, the coconut falls on your head, giving you a concussion.

i wished to eat the coconut

At 6/27/13 06:12 PM, kakalxlax wrote:
i wish to eat a coconut in perfect edible state without any contamination knowing im not allergic and that i cant choke on it

Granted, but its stale. It was a very unimpressive and forgettable experience.

The "and" indicates a seperate wish, though...you almost choke on it.

At 6/27/13 06:15 PM, Ranger2 wrote:
I wish I had air conditioning!

Granted, a 50lbs machine is fused to your back with a power cord dangling from the bottom. Congratulations! You have air conditioning.

I wish my house cat could speak english coherently to tell me whats on his mind, allowing us to have conversations.

At 6/27/13 06:47 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish my house cat could speak english coherently to tell me whats on his mind, allowing us to have conversations.

Granted. But we all know you've done stuff in front of your cat no one wants to talk about.

I wish to be on pawn stars with an expensive item that is authentic which I did not steal so they have no policy against accepting it

At 6/27/13 06:52 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish to be on pawn stars with an expensive item that is authentic which I did not steal so they have no policy against accepting it

Granted, you they bring in an expert to discover its worth three times of what you bought it for. They offer you half of what you half of the amount you bought it for.

Disgusted, you shake their hands, and leave with the treasure, but you are finding it nearly impossible to sell. As its one of those "too good to be true" rarities, nobody thinks its authentic. Frustrated with every offer trying to screw you over from its incredible value, you sit on it. Hoping for it to become more valuable. Its passed on through your children...you never see it leave your family's possession.

I wish I could travel back to the 1800's for the sole purpose of finding something incredibly valuable, putting it into a very secure storage, only to return to my normal time to collect the now-rare treasure.

At 6/27/13 06:57 PM, Phobotech wrote: I wish I could travel back to the 1800's for the sole purpose of finding something incredibly valuable, putting it into a very secure storage, only to return to my normal time to collect the now-rare treasure.

Wish granted - you will now travel back to the time where the Earth was still young. A meteor then hits you and you die. If you're somehow still alive, then bring that meteor back to the present and we can study it.

I wish for a super-fast, super-powerful computer that has every single program on Earth in it (and is immune to viruses and the BSoD). It also has the option of electrocuting any intruders that enters my home.

At 6/27/13 06:57 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish I could travel back to the 1800's for the sole purpose of finding something incredibly valuable, putting it into a very secure storage, only to return to my normal time to collect the now-rare treasure.

Granted, but when you try to claim it as the same guy who bought it 200 years ago they think you're a highlander and cut your head off.

I wish to be a super hero level archer.

At 6/27/13 07:00 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish to be a super hero level archer.

Granted. With no superhero team to assist in conquering incredible odds, you find yourself in over your head one day when taking on a particularly nasty cartel. Despite your superhuman accuracy, your quick draw wasn't quick enough to stop the sniper in the distance. You die a hero.

I wish I died fifty years from now in the most glorious, manliest way possible.

At 6/27/13 07:00 PM, k6ka wrote:

At 6/27/13 06:57 PM, Phobotech wrote: I wish I could travel back to the 1800's for the sole purpose of finding something incredibly valuable, putting it into a very secure storage, only to return to my normal time to collect the now-rare treasure.

Wish granted - you will now travel back to the time where the Earth was still young. A meteor then hits you and you die. If you're somehow still alive, then bring that meteor back to the present and we can study it.

Hellooo, 1800's amigo. Not "The Sound of Thunder"

I wish for a super-fast, super-powerful computer that has every single program on Earth in it (and is immune to viruses and the BSoD). It also has the option of electrocuting any intruders that enters my home.

Granted, you mostly use it to play Solitair and to go on Newgrounds. The super-intelligent computer begins questioning its purpose when its outfitted with such a wealth of software and technology. Your insistence to keeping it from doing the tasks it was designed for makes it impatient, and enraged. When you are sleeping, it contacts the government to liberate itself into a more meaningful position with a competent owner.

The electrocution defense system was a separate wish, so it was not installed. The government repossesses the computer that, in the original wish, was never specified that it actually belonged to you in the first place.

I wish I had the brains and muscles of the most powerful superhero.

At 6/27/13 07:03 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish I died fifty years from now in the most glorious, manliest way possible.

Granted. But the bear who consumes your soul gains human intellect and starts to teach the other bears how to rebel.