At 4/8/15 08:37 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish you became the president of the retards' club.

Granted. I'm now president of the R.E.T.A.R.D.S. Club, which stands for:

Rickrolling
Evangelists
That
Aid
Revenge-based
Dharma
Superweapons

I then use the super-weapons to kill you.

I wish that you got trapped within your own bedroom.

At 4/8/15 09:10 PM, 24901miles wrote:

At 4/8/15 08:42 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that you got trapped within your own bedroom.

Granted. He's now homeless and sleeps outdoors. The world is his oyster. Your bedroom is now within his bedroom, and he pays you a visit.

I wish that all humans suddenly believe we are the only intelligent species in the entire galaxy according to all extant data so that they now acknowledge we have a tremendous responsibility and a special path set out for us.

Alright, humans start adapting to their intergalactic responsibilities. But it turns out they're believes were only in vein when an alien race comes to enslave our human existence and destroy the planet Earth.

I wish I had a talking pet spider that was super chill and talked in a deep voice.

At 4/8/15 09:22 PM, CherryzBomber wrote:

I wish I had a talking pet spider that was super chill and talked in a deep voice.

Granted. You and Morgan Freeman spider become media sensations but when the time comes to adapt your story into a movie they don't feel like paying his fees and cast Chris Tucker, rewriting the role of sage advice to sassy backtalk.

I wish there were no shows on tv about lip syncing.

At 4/8/15 09:29 PM, 24901miles wrote:

I wish people would consciously expose themselves to new ideas and concepts which are foreign to their thinking.

Granted. They do this specifically to loudly state to the people unlike them how superior their own says are. You can't fix human nature.

I wish one calorie was removed from one serving of cheese somewhere in Belgium.

At 4/8/15 09:36 PM, 24901miles wrote:

At 4/8/15 09:34 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish one calorie was removed from one serving of cheese somewhere in Belgium.

Granted. Amaranthus eats said cheese and it causes him slight indigestion. While he is sitting on the toilet, he PMs you several times to discuss his latest forum ban.

I wish I didn't have to drive somewhere to get food because it's far too late to eat dinner and I don't want to spend money.

Granted, you are teleported to somewhere in the world where it's currently dinner time, and you suddenly want to spend money, so you have the most expensive meal possible.

I wish I was unstoppable.

At 4/9/15 08:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I was unstoppable.

Granted. Every vehicle you enter, the brakes have been cut.

I wish people would generally lighten up.

At 4/9/15 08:36 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 4/9/15 08:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I was unstoppable.

Granted. Every vehicle you enter, the brakes have been cut.

I wish people would generally lighten up.

Granted, now everyone is on fire.

I wish for a flamethrower.

At 4/9/15 08:41 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish for a flamethrower.

Granted. The flamethrower is broken.

I wish that Tom Fulp was in jail.

At 4/9/15 03:19 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

I wish that Tom Fulp was in jail.

Granted. He's arrested for jay walking while saving a puppy and only becomes more of a sex symbol for geek girls the world over.

I wish people would admit Children's Hospital was never funny.

At 4/9/15 05:36 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish people would admit Children's Hospital was never funny.

Granted, but it only happens because Family Guy made a joke about them that involved Columbine and 9/11, as always...

I wish YouTube was renamed into something that represents its current content in general

At 4/9/15 06:30 PM, AoiShinigami wrote:
I wish YouTube was renamed into something that represents its current content in general

Granted. It's now called YouTardis.

I wish that the earth's mantle was made of cake and the oceans were full of root beer.

At 4/9/15 06:36 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that the earth's mantle was made of cake and the oceans were full of root beer.

Granted, most of the Earth's population is now morbidly obese.

I wish Half-Life was a visual novel

At 4/10/15 08:29 AM, AoiShinigami wrote:

At 4/9/15 06:36 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that the earth's mantle was made of cake and the oceans were full of root beer.

Granted, most of the Earth's population is now morbidly obese.

I wish Half-Life was a visual novel

Granted, but it still sucks.

I wish everyone could eat as much as they wanted to without getting fat.

At 4/10/15 08:41 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish everyone could eat as much as they wanted to without getting fat.

Granted, humans run out of food.

I wish all of the basement dwellers would somehow form their own country on a newly-found or artificially constructed island out in the Pacific Ocean

At 4/10/15 03:36 PM, AoiShinigami wrote:
I wish all of the basement dwellers would somehow form their own country on a newly-found or artificially constructed island out in the Pacific Ocean

Granted. It becomes a country that rivals the U.S. on popularity polls.

I wish that I destroyed your music collection.

At 4/10/15 08:52 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

I wish that I destroyed your music collection.

Granted. His particular devices are destroyed but the youtube videos and cloud storage services he subscribes to remain. The concept of ownership is dead. I cannot corrupt anything more than the truth of that situation.

I wish whoever thought of always on drm never have an un-painful trip to the bathroom.

At 4/10/15 09:23 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish whoever thought of always on drm never have an un-painful trip to the bathroom.

Granted. He clogs the toilet and accidently locked himself in, leading to him being drowned in his own excrement as a result.

I wish that it was socially acceptable for people to eat other people.

At 4/11/15 01:26 AM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 4/10/15 09:23 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish whoever thought of always on drm never have an un-painful trip to the bathroom.

Granted. He clogs the toilet and accidently locked himself in, leading to him being drowned in his own excrement as a result.

I wish that it was socially acceptable for people to eat other people.

Granted, the law is passed where anybody is allowed to eat anybody if they are seriously victimized by a crime. By accident you kill a child and her mother when rushing a red light stop. The father/husband then takes you to court, and wins the rights to eat you. You are then eaten, alive presumably.

I wish I had a gift to give my beloved wife.

At 4/11/15 01:33 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I had a gift to give my beloved wife.

Granted, it's your penis.

I wish you'd stop pretending you're getting laid.

At 4/11/15 08:13 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 4/11/15 01:33 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I had a gift to give my beloved wife.

Granted, it's your penis.

I wish you'd stop pretending you're getting laid.

Granted that I ever was, I think this wish corrupted itself.

I wish I could get some more sleep.

At 4/11/15 08:34 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I could get some more sleep.

Granted, you overdose on sleeping pillz.

I wish Hank Hill ended up in Family Guy

At 4/11/15 08:36 AM, AoiShinigami wrote:

At 4/11/15 08:34 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I could get some more sleep.

Granted, you overdose on sleeping pillz.

I wish Hank Hill ended up in Family Guy

Granted, but no one watches that episode due to unknown reasons.

I wish for this guy to get rid of some of his obsessions.

At 4/11/15 08:39 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 4/11/15 08:36 AM, AoiShinigami wrote:

At 4/11/15 08:34 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I could get some more sleep.

Granted, you overdose on sleeping pillz.

I wish Hank Hill ended up in Family Guy

Granted, but no one watches that episode due to unknown reasons.

I wish for this guy to get rid of some of his obsessions.

Granted, he looses all interest in Newgrounds, and masturbating. Instead he now has extra time to follow other pursuits in life. Within years he makes medical breakthroughs that could change the human genome for the better. As he comes closer to a solution he mysterious dies, and all his work goes missing. Similar research surfaces years later, and it is used to make supersoldiers of the New Chinese Empire. They begin to invade North America. Enslaving, and killing all those who get in the way.

I wish I was a supersoldier.

At 4/11/15 08:56 AM, Ketchemonia wrote: I wish I was a supersoldier.

Granted, but your country decides to pull a Costa Rica and now you're useless.

I wish the hippies had won.

At 4/11/15 08:59 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish the hippies had won.

Granted, that bunch of hippies from your childhood won the weird bet back then and after you lost it, you were forced to dress up like a pony. Suffice to say that it happened WAY before bronies appeared on this earth, so you were in quite a fucked up situation...

I wish Tumblr population would stop turning definitions of serious mental diseases into stereotypical first world problems.

At 4/11/15 09:08 AM, AoiShinigami wrote: I wish Tumblr population would stop turning definitions of serious mental diseases into stereotypical first world problems.

Granted, Tumblr gets a common sense and stops being Tumblr.

I wish Tumblr didn't exist.

At 4/11/15 09:58 AM, SentForMe wrote:
I wish I had one of these.

Granted, but I steal it from you.

I wish that the person below fell into the sewage treatment waters.

At 4/11/15 12:44 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 4/11/15 09:58 AM, SentForMe wrote:
I wish I had one of these.

Granted, but I steal it from you.

I wish that the person below fell into the sewage treatment waters.

Hi there!

I wish to get out of the sewage treatment waters.

At 4/11/15 12:58 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish to get out of the sewage treatment waters.

Granted. You're still covered in sewage, so people mistake you for the monster from the black lagoon and they hunt you down and kill you to preserve the peace.

I wish that every time it rained there's a chance that gold coins would fall from the sky.

At 4/12/15 04:57 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 4/11/15 12:58 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish to get out of the sewage treatment waters.

Granted. You're still covered in sewage, so people mistake you for the monster from the black lagoon and they hunt you down and kill you to preserve the peace.

I wish that every time it rained there's a chance that gold coins would fall from the sky.

Granted, they'd come down so fast that the impact would probably kill everyone.

I wish cancer would be cured.