Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 9/28/14 09:30 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 9/28/14 09:26 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish for popcorn.

Granted, but it's burnt.

I wish the Nostalgia Critic would review "Problem Child".

Granted, but what he says upsets so many people he's lynched.

I wish people were less shitty.

At 9/28/14 09:40 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish people were less shitty.

Granted, but now people are so squeaky clean that all you hear is the noise of squeaking.

I wish that Cthulhu got a job as a stripper.

At 9/28/14 02:17 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 9/28/14 09:40 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish people were less shitty.

Granted, but now people are so squeaky clean that all you hear is the noise of squeaking.

I wish that Cthulhu got a job as a stripper.

Granted, but 1. Cthulhu is still asleep, 2. Cthulhu never wears clothes anyways, so it's not much of a show, and 3. He always kills you before you can see anything.

I wish for blue.

At 9/28/14 03:01 PM, SNAPCRACKLEANDPOP2 wrote:
I wish for blue.

Granted, it's Rival Blue!

I wish Ben Affleck got combined with the Aflac duck.

At 9/28/14 03:00 PM, ragnkinson wrote: I wish for eternal interwebz

Granted, but it's limited to Facebook.

At 9/28/14 03:27 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish Ben Affleck got combined with the Aflac duck.

Granted, now Ben Affleck is a duck. Did I mention I like ducks? Especially grilled ducks?

I wish for a duck.

And fuck you because you made me hungry.

At 9/29/14 09:27 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 9/28/14 03:00 PM, ragnkinson wrote: I wish for eternal interwebz

Granted, but it's limited to Facebook.

At 9/28/14 03:27 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish Ben Affleck got combined with the Aflac duck.

Granted, now Ben Affleck is a duck. Did I mention I like ducks? Especially grilled ducks?

I wish for a duck.

And fuck you because you made me hungry.

Granted, but in order to get your wished for duck you are forced to marry the duck, in a formal ceremony, on live television. You are now the laughingstock of the world.

I wish to own the color orange.

At 9/29/14 02:39 PM, SentForMe wrote:

I wish to own the color orange.

Granted, but I already own red and yellow so in order to make your orange you must pay me a fine of a million dollars. Pay up!

I wish for that credit karma commercial to stop flashing... it's like it's trying to give me a seizure!

At 9/29/14 02:47 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 9/29/14 02:39 PM, SentForMe wrote:

I wish for that credit karma commercial to stop flashing... it's like it's trying to give me a seizure!

There is no TV thus the credit karma commercial stops flashing!

I wish to be teleported into Skyrim

#I'm a nerd!

At 9/29/14 05:26 PM, Coold00d12 wrote:
I wish to be teleported into Skyrim

#I'm a nerd!

Granted, but you get raped by a Skyrim dragon.

I wish my penis was plotting world domination.

At 9/29/14 05:26 PM, Coold00d12 wrote:

At 9/29/14 02:47 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 9/29/14 02:39 PM, SentForMe wrote:

I wish for that credit karma commercial to stop flashing... it's like it's trying to give me a seizure!

There is no TV thus the credit karma commercial stops flashing!

I wish to be teleported into Skyrim

#I'm a nerd!

granted, however, for adding the #i'm a nerd, instead of becoming a nord warrior you're a stereotype skinny skeleton kid with poor eyesight with spots on his face from the 1950's, and you just so happen to be in the exact same spot as a giant, and you just annoyed those mammoths, good luck

i wish for a jam sandwich, thats it, cant go wrong

At 9/29/14 05:31 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 9/29/14 05:26 PM, Coold00d12 wrote:
I wish to be teleported into Skyrim

#I'm a nerd!

Granted, but you get raped by a Skyrim dragon.

I wish my penis was plotting world domination.

Okay, but your penis is gonna come up short in the end ;)

I wish I had 3 extremely hot women in my room while I browse NG

At 9/29/14 05:34 PM, thespazicat wrote:

At 9/29/14 05:26 PM, Coold00d12 wrote:

At 9/29/14 02:47 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 9/29/14 02:39 PM, SentForMe wrote:

i wish for a jam sandwich, thats it, cant go wrong

Okay, granted although the ''jam'' is white...

At 9/29/14 05:35 PM, ZeroStrikr wrote: I wish I had 3 extremely hot women in my room while I browse NG

Granted. They are all high-heeled, rude, arrogant women who don't give a shit to you.

Additionally, they are all lesbians AND two of them are cannibals ;)

I wish I be able to dream what I want to dream (in sleep).

At 9/29/14 05:53 PM, siyishu wrote:

At 9/29/14 05:35 PM, ZeroStrikr wrote: I wish I had 3 extremely hot women in my room while I browse NG

Granted. They are all high-heeled, rude, arrogant women who don't give a shit to you.

Additionally, they are all lesbians AND two of them are cannibals ;)

I wish I be able to dream what I want to dream (in sleep).

Wish granted, and you end up in some sort of a self-induced coma for life.

I wish for a bag of weed, a crowbar, HEV suit and a portal to Equestria. Oh, and don't forget the phone that can connect to Internet from ANY point in ANY universe, I want to write about THAT...

At 9/29/14 07:00 PM, glazov123 wrote:
I wish for a bag of weed, a crowbar, HEV suit and a portal to Equestria. Oh, and don't forget the phone that can connect to Internet from ANY point in ANY universe, I want to write about THAT...

Granted. Not only are you viewed as a hideous monster since nothing in all of Equestria resembles you in the slightest, (your hyper-realistic visage of actual flesh tones, hair, and pores sticks out like a sore thumb among the pastel colored cartoon horses), but by brandishing the crowbar while wearing a black and orange mechanical armored suit, you look VERY threatening.

The authorities are quick to question your alien lookin' ass with your alien lookin' technology. You're questioned for about 30 minutes with all of your gear still on your person (this is important, but hang on a sec...). The high-authority for supernatural threats, an elite division of guardians from High Canterlot, investigate further. 30 more minutes later, and they have grounds to be suspect of you brandishing what they perceive to be an oddly shaped metallic weapon. They're quick to identify the bag of weed as some sort of illegal narcotic, and after a brief roadside analysis (via magic) tests conclude positive for the bag containing intoxicants, triggered by the THC.

You're already restrained, but the Supernatural Guard is further alarmed by detecting a nefarious blight emanating from your Polydimensional Net Phone. They detect deadly emissions of radiation, for weaponized Cesium 137 was the only sufficient power source to run such a device. You've had it on your person, tucked within an inner compartment of the HEV suit, exposed close to your body for over an hour by the time they discover it...

The Ponies succumb to the deadly effects of radiation before you do, but by the time they're checked in for early symptoms, you've been well acquainted with the Magically Enforced Dungeons reserved for unspeakable horrors that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have encountered in dark centuries past.

Your body rots around you, breaking down rapidly from the over-exposure to radiation that the HEV failed to protect you from...you are the strangest and most feared creature that Equestria has ever seen...

I wish everybody who has diabetes was permanently cured of it so they can live the rest of their life healthily.

At 9/29/14 07:46 PM, Phobotech wrote: Lotsa bad granted wish stuff

My God, that was incredibly long. How long did you spend on that? I wouldn't be surprised if it was the longest response in this entire thread.

Also, granted, but everyone who had diabetes gets a new disease, where they're forced to eat only lettuce for the rest of their life, and literally nothing else, otherwise, they will die immediately and painfully.

I wish that there were more newer TV shows that were remembered as really good and were able to be appreciated by all kinds of audiences.

At 9/29/14 07:56 PM, SNAPCRACKLEANDPOP2 wrote:

At 9/29/14 07:46 PM, Phobotech wrote: Lotsa bad granted wish stuff

My God, that was incredibly long. How long did you spend on that? I wouldn't be surprised if it was the longest response in this entire thread.

I've actually corrupted at much greater length. I think one of 'em was about someone becoming Satan, so I went off about how much that sucks. There are others too...I like to write. I like to think its good creative writing practice.

Also, granted, but everyone who had diabetes gets a new disease, where they're forced to eat only lettuce for the rest of their life, and literally nothing else, otherwise, they will die immediately and painfully.

Aww...lol

I wish that there were more newer TV shows that were remembered as really good and were able to be appreciated by all kinds of audiences.

Granted, but its only after a dry spell of utter shit. For every good show that feels like a breath of fresh air simply because its not schlock, there's ten more shows of schlock.

so...nothing changed. Lolololololol

I wish that every single Death Battle scenario I created in that Death Battle thread was actually done at great length, craftsmanship, and high entertainment value by the official Death Battle crew on Screw Attack.

At 9/29/14 08:13 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish that every single Death Battle scenario I created in that Death Battle thread was actually done at great length, craftsmanship, and high entertainment value by the official Death Battle crew on Screw Attack.

Granted, each episode is considered a hour long to milk those glorious moments of carnage. The graphics were considered so epic that the cause of deaths were from pure epicness, apart from probably bleeding out their eyeballs... but each one jizzed their pants so you know it was probably the greatest thing man has ever seen! The only copy of this epic saga was put on disc, erased from everything else, and shipped to an uncertain government facility that has been portrayed in Indiana Jones... don't worry buddy, I'll help you break into Area 51!

I just wish I could dig up an abandoned nuclear missile silo in my backyard...

At 9/29/14 11:20 PM, Slacker013 wrote:
I just wish I could dig up an abandoned nuclear missile silo in my backyard...

Granted, but one of nuclear missiles explodes and you die.

I wish that there were very horny and lustful evil rule 63 clones of everyone.

At 9/29/14 11:36 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:
I wish that there were very horny and lustful evil rule 63 clones of everyone.

There are already such clones. But problem is, they exist in a parallel universe, not ours ;)

I wish I could get a 150 pounds crossbow with a dozen bolts *drools*

At 9/30/14 01:29 AM, siyishu wrote:

At 9/29/14 11:36 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:
I wish that there were very horny and lustful evil rule 63 clones of everyone.

There are already such clones. But problem is, they exist in a parallel universe, not ours ;)

I wish I could get a 150 pounds crossbow with a dozen bolts *drools*

Granted, but you lose control of your limbs in a car accident and now you can't use it.

I wish I could animate as well as the best animators on this site.

At 9/30/14 09:52 AM, SentForMe wrote:

At 9/30/14 01:29 AM, siyishu wrote:

At 9/29/14 11:36 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:
I wish that there were very horny and lustful evil rule 63 clones of everyone.

There are already such clones. But problem is, they exist in a parallel universe, not ours ;)

I wish I could get a 150 pounds crossbow with a dozen bolts *drools*

Granted, but you lose control of your limbs in a car accident and now you can't use it.

I wish I could animate as well as the best animators on this site.

Granted, but you simply have no ability of making anything except for extremely well animated movies about characters like Shit Pickle since you still can't write well.

I wish i could steal the Mystery Machine so that i could pay Black Mesa back for the HEV suit i stole earlier in this thread...

At 9/30/14 10:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish i could steal the Mystery Machine so that i could pay Black Mesa back for the HEV suit i stole earlier in this thread...

Granted, you're still jailed for theft.

I wish to win the jackpot in the lottery.

At 9/30/14 10:27 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 9/30/14 10:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish i could steal the Mystery Machine so that i could pay Black Mesa back for the HEV suit i stole earlier in this thread...

Granted, you're still jailed for theft.

I wish to win the jackpot in the lottery.

Granted, but the jackpot happens to be the smallest in history of lotteries, so you win $2.35 minus taxes and everything

I wish I could kill people without being noticed at all

At 9/30/14 01:48 PM, glazov123 wrote:

At 9/30/14 10:27 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 9/30/14 10:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish i could steal the Mystery Machine so that i could pay Black Mesa back for the HEV suit i stole earlier in this thread...

Granted, you're still jailed for theft.

I wish to win the jackpot in the lottery.

Granted, but the jackpot happens to be the smallest in history of lotteries, so you win $2.35 minus taxes and everything

I wish I could kill people without being noticed at all

Granted, but it is because you are the angel of death or whatever the equivalent is in whatever religion you do or do not observe. So you can kill people, but you're effectively dead too. Also, this is your job all day every day for all eternity, so it gets old pretty quickly.

I wish my body temperature was always exactly the same 98.6 degrees no matter where I was. I could be in space and I wouldn't freeze. I could be on the surface of the sun and I wouldn't boil. I could wear a lot of clothes or no clothes and I would still be perfectly comfortable.

At 9/30/14 11:17 PM, SentForMe wrote:

Granted, but it is because you are the angel of death or whatever the equivalent is in whatever religion you do or do not observe. So you can kill people, but you're effectively dead too. Also, this is your job all day every day for all eternity, so it gets old pretty quickly.

I wish my body temperature was always exactly the same 98.6 degrees no matter where I was. I could be in space and I wouldn't freeze. I could be on the surface of the sun and I wouldn't boil. I could wear a lot of clothes or no clothes and I would still be perfectly comfortable.

Granted. Your body temperature is 98.6 degrees Kelvin and your bloodstream turns into ice.

I wish for a regular apple pie

At 10/1/14 08:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish for a regular apple pie

Granted, it's the one from American Pie.

I wish I had never seen that movie.

At 10/1/14 09:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I had never seen that movie.

Granted. You permanently lose your memory to everything in your life except right before you watch that movie... I don't know how long its been, but hopefully you watched it for the first time sooner than later...

I wish that all pets had the ability to speak and fluently understand the language of their owners, so they can be taught as well as they can teach.

At 10/1/14 11:38 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 10/1/14 09:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I had never seen that movie.

Granted. You permanently lose your memory to everything in your life except right before you watch that movie... I don't know how long its been, but hopefully you watched it for the first time sooner than later...

I wish that all pets had the ability to speak and fluently understand the language of their owners, so they can be taught as well as they can teach.

Granted. It turns out pets are huge dicks about everything, and all they ever say to their owners is insults.

I wish I wasn't such a dick.