At 12/15/14 07:44 PM, Vinnyy wrote:
I wish I could meet the next poster in real life.

Granted. You now have a movie poster that's been signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I wish that all the fried ice cream in the world was gone.

At 12/15/14 07:49 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that all the fried ice cream in the world was gone.

Granted: You are now banned from all southern states. You also become a popsicle destined to be licked by Miley Cirus.

I wish I was a secret agent.

At 12/15/14 08:10 PM, fmn335 wrote: I wish I was a secret agent.

Granted. You blow your cover and are taken hostage by the enemy on your first mission.

I wish to visit the west coast.

At 12/15/14 10:57 PM, yetanotherjohn wrote: I wish to visit the west coast.

Granted. You visit the west coast, but find that the whole douchebag guido scene has moved its way there. Everyone on the beaches look like oompa loompahs on steroids. There are no shops and attractions, only tanning salons and gyms. You try to leave, but The Thing, wearing a pair of sunglasses flexes in your path, repeatedly asking you if you lift.

I wish for the NG chat.

At 12/15/14 10:57 PM, yetanotherjohn wrote:
I wish to visit the west coast.

Granted. Its only a brief transfer between flights at LAX on your way to North Korea. Your time roaming around Los Angeles is a couple of hours compared to the seven years you spend trapped in the oppressed land.

I wish to never get drunk ever again.

At 12/15/14 11:05 PM, Bit wrote:
I wish for the NG chat.

Granted, but its the old old old IRC chat, and you share it with only seven other users. The same seven other users, thats all these guys do, and they have no personality...they're not very interesting to talk to. Its dull.

At 12/15/14 11:08 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 12/15/14 10:57 PM, yetanotherjohn wrote:
I wish to visit the west coast.

Granted. Its only a brief transfer between flights at LAX on your way to North Korea. Your time roaming around Los Angeles is a couple of hours compared to the seven years you spend trapped in the oppressed land.

I wish to never get drunk ever again.

At 12/15/14 11:10 PM, Phobotech wrote:
I wish to never get drunk ever again.

Granted. You are always as high as gas prices.

I wish I could figure out how to convert .kso files to .mp3 files.

At 12/15/14 11:33 PM, cga-999 wrote:
I wish I could figure out how to convert .kso files to .mp3 files.

Granted, but the thing that you want to use that skill for is now gone forever.

I wish that the user user below was made entirely out of fried ice cream.

At 12/16/14 12:31 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

I wish that the user user below was made entirely out of fried ice cream.

Granted. You have to watch while a sexy, offbeat woman licks me.

I wish for an album of the songs from White Christmas performed by a ninja.

At 12/16/14 09:13 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish for an album of the songs from White Christmas performed by a ninja.

Granted, but the ninja can't sing, and butchers the songs, not in an enjoyable way.

I wish I had the voice of James Earl Jones.

At 12/17/14 12:44 AM, yetanotherjohn wrote:
I wish I had the voice of James Earl Jones.

Granted. Fun fact: James Earl Jones had a major stuttering problem...over years he's got it down to just a stammer, but for you, the learning process to cope with the stuttering is intense. As sexy and deep as your voice goes, its a struggle for you to carry on a conversation...finding it difficult to establish an acting career, you, the man with the golden voice, stay mostly silent. By the time you have fought to overcome your stuttering, you are much older, and your original voice has returned to its original tone.

I wish to be rich, but not famous.

At 12/17/14 04:02 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish to be rich, but not famous.

Granted, you realize how hollow your life is that way.

I wish for a real Christmas site skin, unlike whatever the fuck this is.

At 12/17/14 06:08 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish for a real Christmas site skin, unlike whatever the fuck this is.

Granted. The Ultimate Warrior comes back to life briefly and skins Santa Claus. On Christmas eve he pins that skin to your office walls before loading the spaceship with the rocket fuel and flying away.

I wish I had the same fighting skills of an in his prime Bret "hitman" Hart.

At 12/17/14 10:09 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish I had the same fighting skills of an in his prime Bret "hitman" Hart.

Granted, but Bret Hart sues you over copyright infringement for stealing his moves and you lose the case.

I wish that the user below was a toilet in the restroom of a nursing home.

At 12/18/14 12:03 AM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 12/17/14 10:09 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish I had the same fighting skills of an in his prime Bret "hitman" Hart.

Granted, but Bret Hart sues you over copyright infringement for stealing his moves and you lose the case.

I wish that the user below was a toilet in the restroom of a nursing home.

Granted, but I still don't take shit from anyone.

I wish the Gamechanger took everyone's shit.

At 12/19/14 09:23 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish the Gamechanger took everyone's shit.

Granted, but I die from fecal matter indigestion.

I wish that the user below has the superpower of their choice.

At 12/19/14 09:47 AM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 12/19/14 09:23 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish the Gamechanger took everyone's shit.

Granted, but I die from fecal matter indigestion.

I wish that the user below has the superpower of their choice.

Granted, I use it to kill you.

I wish to know how much you had to shitpost to get to that post count.

At 12/19/14 09:50 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 12/19/14 09:47 AM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 12/19/14 09:23 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish the Gamechanger took everyone's shit.

Granted, but I die from fecal matter indigestion.

I wish that the user below has the superpower of their choice.

Granted, I use it to kill you.

I wish to know how much you had to shitpost to get to that post count.

Granted, your calculator overloads and blows up in your hand.

I wish I had a Rarity clone as a pet

At 12/19/14 10:38 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish I had a Rarity clone as a pet

Granted, it preys on you.

I wish it was Christmas already.

At 12/19/14 10:45 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 12/19/14 10:38 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish I had a Rarity clone as a pet

Granted, it preys on you.

I wish it was Christmas already.

Granted, and you've lost several days of your life due to the time skip.

I wish Disco would be popular again

At 12/19/14 11:41 AM, glazov123 wrote:
I wish Disco would be popular again

Granted, but bell bottoms and platform shoes are back in style as a result.

I wish that the user below was a black hole.

At 12/19/14 01:03 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that the user below was a black hole.

Granted, but the black hole consumes you too. Hee hee.

I wish my newspaper subscription was cancelled.

At 12/20/14 09:48 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 12/19/14 01:03 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: I wish that the user below was a black hole.

Granted, but the black hole consumes you too. Hee hee.

I wish my newspaper subscription was cancelled.

Granted, now you'll never again be as informed about what happens in the world.

I wish there was still a truly neutral newspaper.

At 12/20/14 09:55 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish there was still a truly neutral newspaper.

Granted. It is released on another planet.
I wish I could think of a wish.

At 12/20/14 06:33 PM, cga-999 wrote:
I wish I could think of a wish.

Granted, the wish plucked from your subconscious is so honest and disturbingly sexual that the only person who can stand to look at you ends up being your one true. You share a short and passionate courtship before making it official. Sixty years, 4 grown children and what was just a building you've somehow made into a home later she dies first. Sucks to be you, dude.

I wish for the charisma and dancing skill necessary to reclaim fedoras from the "nice guy" sect.

At 12/20/14 11:07 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish for the charisma and dancing skill necessary to reclaim fedoras from the "nice guy" sect.

Granted, but the war ends in people running out of enough clothing material to make those hats.

I wish for a fake beard.

At 12/21/14 12:53 AM, NGPulp wrote:

At 12/20/14 11:07 PM, stafffighter wrote: I wish for the charisma and dancing skill necessary to reclaim fedoras from the "nice guy" sect.

Granted, but the war ends in people running out of enough clothing material to make those hats.

I wish for a fake beard.

Granted, it's so obviously fake it's no longer funny.

I wish for a real beard.

At 12/21/14 09:29 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish for a real beard.

Granted, but you decide you no longer want it, but it is permanent.

At 12/21/14 09:33 AM, cga-999 wrote:

At 12/21/14 09:29 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish for a real beard.

Granted, but you decide you no longer want it, but it is permanent.

I wish you'd made a wish.

At 12/21/14 09:37 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish you'd made a wish.

Granted, but it gets corrupted (?).

I wish I had a life time supply of prescription medication.