At 9/30/14 10:27 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 9/30/14 10:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish i could steal the Mystery Machine so that i could pay Black Mesa back for the HEV suit i stole earlier in this thread...

Granted, you're still jailed for theft.

I wish to win the jackpot in the lottery.

Granted, but the jackpot happens to be the smallest in history of lotteries, so you win $2.35 minus taxes and everything

I wish I could kill people without being noticed at all

At 9/30/14 11:17 PM, SentForMe wrote:

Granted, but it is because you are the angel of death or whatever the equivalent is in whatever religion you do or do not observe. So you can kill people, but you're effectively dead too. Also, this is your job all day every day for all eternity, so it gets old pretty quickly.

I wish my body temperature was always exactly the same 98.6 degrees no matter where I was. I could be in space and I wouldn't freeze. I could be on the surface of the sun and I wouldn't boil. I could wear a lot of clothes or no clothes and I would still be perfectly comfortable.

Granted. Your body temperature is 98.6 degrees Kelvin and your bloodstream turns into ice.

I wish for a regular apple pie

At 10/1/14 08:22 AM, glazov123 wrote: I wish for a regular apple pie

Granted, it's the one from American Pie.

I wish I had never seen that movie.

At 10/1/14 09:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I had never seen that movie.

Granted. You permanently lose your memory to everything in your life except right before you watch that movie... I don't know how long its been, but hopefully you watched it for the first time sooner than later...

I wish that all pets had the ability to speak and fluently understand the language of their owners, so they can be taught as well as they can teach.

At 10/1/14 11:38 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 10/1/14 09:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I had never seen that movie.

Granted. You permanently lose your memory to everything in your life except right before you watch that movie... I don't know how long its been, but hopefully you watched it for the first time sooner than later...

I wish that all pets had the ability to speak and fluently understand the language of their owners, so they can be taught as well as they can teach.

Granted. It turns out pets are huge dicks about everything, and all they ever say to their owners is insults.

I wish I wasn't such a dick.

At 10/1/14 12:39 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 10/1/14 11:38 AM, Phobotech wrote:

At 10/1/14 09:34 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I had never seen that movie.

Granted. You permanently lose your memory to everything in your life except right before you watch that movie... I don't know how long its been, but hopefully you watched it for the first time sooner than later...

I wish that all pets had the ability to speak and fluently understand the language of their owners, so they can be taught as well as they can teach.

Granted. It turns out pets are huge dicks about everything, and all they ever say to their owners is insults.

I wish I wasn't such a dick.

Granted. You turn into a pussy instead. lol.

I wish Sonic fandom wasn't so damn filled with autism and shitty recolors referred to as "Original Characters" (Mostly because one of the few IRL friends of mine is actually fond of Sonic)

At 10/1/14 03:22 PM, SolXeroEraser wrote:

At 10/1/14 03:05 PM, glazov123 wrote:

I wish Sonic fandom wasn't so damn filled with autism and shitty recolors referred to as "Original Characters" (Mostly because one of the few IRL friends of mine is actually fond of Sonic)

Granted, but the original characters stopped being original, therefore allowing other characters to "fill the void".

I wish for an army of succubi.

For some reason you get Mancubi instead (Fat demons with flamethrowers for arms)

I wish for a pink plush pony that can sing with a press of a button

At 10/1/14 03:32 PM, SolXeroEraser wrote: I wish for steak and a salad.

Granted. A militant veggie throws your steak into the waste before you get to eat it, and you're left with the salad.

I wish people, all kinds of them, stopped shoving their beliefs down others' throats.

At 10/2/14 10:17 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish people, all kinds of them, stopped shoving their beliefs down others' throats.

Granted. All forms of education die. All authoritative figures cease functioning, and people are magically content with keeping to themselves...but that means, it stops people from sharing opinions with one another. You alone remain normal...trapped in a world filled with people who don't even ask questions anymore, in fear that the answer will be a belief that is lended onto them...information that clashes with their own predetermined understanding of things. What power in art that conveys a message is now censored...the idea of a song, extinguished. Movies, shows, news, and tabloids all die as man-kind excommunicates itself from each other...and with that loss, love ceases to be. We are plunged in undying hatred and fear, with the uniform resentment of that which we refuse to understand in one another. Compassion is snuffed in an existence where arrogance and ignorance rules. Its even worse than Idiocracy...its a silent, deathly societal atrophy.

I wish that all of man-kinds white blood cells were forever 10x stronger and more efficient than they've ever been, promoting an immune system that cannot be felled, essentially making us all immune to diseases, allowing for a healthier, fearless life.

At 10/2/14 08:34 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish that all of man-kinds white blood cells were forever 10x stronger and more efficient than they've ever been, promoting an immune system that cannot be felled, essentially making us all immune to diseases, allowing for a healthier, fearless life.

Granted. Fearlessness, as always leads to recklessness. Indulgence of every form without concern breeds a new generation of deviant nihilism that goes Mad Max quicker than you'd think.

I wish for there to be three Halloweens spread out through the year widely enough that we can get excited for the build up and celebration of each with time to cool down between.

At 10/2/14 08:50 PM, stafffighter wrote:
I wish for there to be three Halloweens spread out through the year widely enough that we can get excited for the build up and celebration of each with time to cool down between.

Granted, but the additional two Halloweens are always publically disenfranchised from the main, "REAL" Halloween. Where the original was fall themed, they just lifted all of the tropes and made one Summer themed and Winter themed. People are on the come-down from Christmas, and suddenly they're all bothered with "Oh, so now I gotta do Cold Halloween? Really? Give me a fucking break, I dropped so much money for Real Halloween and Christmas that I can't even be assed to do this shit"

Costume manufacturers, maliciously, don't even bother to design cold-proof costumes for several years...so people have to make due with wearing costumes over big bulky jackets and sweaters, so everyone just looks like husky versions of whatever they're dressed as....if they're not miserable as fuck and freezing their asses off, getting sick. Turnout is weak, and it pretty much turns into people dressing up as Christmas characters, mascots, and pop culture icons that wore coats and gloves.

Summer Halloween is even worse...even during night-fall the heat is so unbearable inside rubber masks and elaborate costumes that heat strokes climb sporadically. All of the chocolate candies are a melted mess, nobody thinks its funny that Jack-O-Lanterns are supposed to be carved into watermelons, and costumed swim parties are consistently disastrous. The nation quietly forgets about the Xtraweens within a few years after expirementing around and trying different things...in the end, it just kinda sucked out everything that was special about the original Halloween.

I wish that capes were fashionable accessories that were popular and encouraged to be worn by all sexes.

At 10/2/14 09:06 PM, Phobotech wrote:

Costume manufacturers, maliciously, don't even bother to design cold-proof costumes for several years...so people have to make due with wearing costumes over big bulky jackets and sweaters, so everyone just looks like husky versions of whatever they're dressed as....if they're not miserable as fuck and freezing their asses off, getting sick.

As a New Englander I can say that this will not be a new development.

I wish that capes were fashionable accessories that were popular and encouraged to be worn by all sexes.

Granted. Several sexes we didn't even know about emerge and the war begins anew with your particular style of cape serving as your "colors".

I wish to have all the skill bases attributed to Sherlock Holmes.

At 10/2/14 09:19 PM, stafffighter wrote:
As a New Englander I can say that this will not be a new development.

In hindsight, I was thinking the same thing about the Summer Halloween, being a Texan. lolol

Seriously...tried going as Darth Vader when I was a little kid, and I'll never forget how miserable I was wearing that rubber mask it was damned hot. I ditched the mask, and I was pretty much rolling around as "High Tech Anakin Skywalker boy."

I wish that capes were fashionable accessories that were popular and encouraged to be worn by all sexes.

Granted. Several sexes we didn't even know about emerge and the war begins anew with your particular style of cape serving as your "colors".

Well...I didn't see that coming.

I wish to have all the skill bases attributed to Sherlock Holmes.

Granted, but the base-model of Sherlock Holmes that you're based off of is an awful fan-fic...an OTP between a poorly written Sherlock with nonsensical abilities to accompany a slightly better-than-average observational skill. A version of Sherlock Holmes who just so happens to have an Opium addiction, crippling alcoholism, and lusts over a long time relationship with youthful Erik Estrada's character from CHiPs... the Greatest Detective in the World...but you can't find the clues to his heart... (drinks)

I wish to be 4% body fat, with tight, flawlessly form-fitting skin, at no health risks.

At 10/2/14 10:51 PM, SentForMe wrote: I wish I had a gigantic nose.

Granted, but you also now have severe allergies to most anything, and sneeze like crazy when you're around things, spewing snot and mucus too and fro, and you are now a social reject, as most everybody doesn't want to be around you.
...Look on the bright side, tissue sales'll go up by 20%!

I wish I had an amazing moustache that lasted throughout history.

I wish there was no traffic

Granted but no noone ever leaves their house, in fear of the overbearing tyrannical government you established which outlawed all forms of traffic either by car, foot, bike, or internet.

also no internet, ever. not even battlefield multiplayer.

I wish Cigarettes weren't addictive or harmful to your health

At 10/3/14 01:04 AM, SentForMe wrote: I wish more people would post and reply in the Politics forum. It has been really dead lately.

Granted, but they all think like the Klown.

I wish the Klown was an actual clown. Like, funny and stuff.

At 10/3/14 09:35 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish the Klown was an actual clown. Like, funny and stuff.

Granted.
But suddenly in an ironic twist! You realize that you have an irrational fear of clowns!

Have fun.

I wish for a mallet.

At 10/3/14 09:57 AM, NGPulp wrote:

At 10/3/14 09:35 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish the Klown was an actual clown. Like, funny and stuff.

Granted.
But suddenly in an ironic twist! You realize that you have an irrational fear of clowns!

Have fun.

I wish for a mallet.

Granted, it's stuck in your anal cavity.

I wish to wield the mighty ban hammer.

At 10/3/14 09:59 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish to wield the mighty ban hammer.

Granted, it's stuck in your rectal cavity.

I wish for a cavity.

At 10/3/14 10:06 AM, NGPulp wrote:

At 10/3/14 09:59 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish to wield the mighty ban hammer.

Granted, it's stuck in your rectal cavity.

But I don't really wield it in that case, do I?

Also, I wish you weren't such a pedant.

At 10/3/14 10:06 AM, NGPulp wrote: I wish for a cavity.

Granted, it opens up in the ground right beneath you and goes all the way to China.

See above.

At 10/3/14 05:38 PM, SentForMe wrote:

I wish I was a famous Renaissance man.

Granted. You died of something that involved shitting a lot 500 years ago but pedantic assholes quote you at parties some times.

I wish band-aids were truly flesh tone.

At 10/3/14 10:38 PM, SentForMe wrote: I wish for a big blue rocket.

Granted, you strangle your dong until it turns big and blue.

I wish for a literal rocket that can take me to the moon and back.

At 10/4/14 09:20 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish for a literal rocket that can take me to the moon and back.

Granted, but it doesn't give you any air and you die. Would having your body taken back to Earth count as coming back?

I wish my personal works would become popular on the Internet.

At 10/4/14 10:29 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 10/4/14 09:20 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish for a literal rocket that can take me to the moon and back.

Granted, but it doesn't give you any air and you die. Would having your body taken back to Earth count as coming back?

I'll let it fly.

I wish my personal works would become popular on the Internet.

Granted. This eventually causes you to be bought by Google.

I wish everyone only used DuckDuckGo as a search engine.

At 10/4/14 12:41 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 10/4/14 10:29 AM, Ericho wrote:

At 10/4/14 09:20 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish for a literal rocket that can take me to the moon and back.

Granted, but it doesn't give you any air and you die. Would having your body taken back to Earth count as coming back?

I'll let it fly.

I wish my personal works would become popular on the Internet.

Granted. This eventually causes you to be bought by Google.

I wish everyone only used DuckDuckGo as a search engine.

Granted , but its bought by Google , and made so that everyone can see what you just searched for .

I wish that I could command a swarm of pigeons .

At 10/6/14 04:37 PM, Inplosion wrote: I wish that I could command a swarm of pigeons .

Granted. They then all spontaneously explode around 9PM and you die.

I wish for feathers.

At 10/6/14 07:45 PM, NGPulp wrote:

I wish for feathers.

Granted. When you come home late at night after a very long and tiring day you open your bedroom door and it is full of feathers. Not just the soft parts either. There are points on the end like quill pens. They also smell.

I wish the next godzilla movie would actually use the blue oyster cult song godzilla in a prominent and un-ironic way.

At 10/6/14 08:28 PM, stafffighter wrote:

At 10/6/14 07:45 PM, NGPulp wrote:

I wish for feathers.

Granted. When you come home late at night after a very long and tiring day you open your bedroom door and it is full of feathers. Not just the soft parts either. There are points on the end like quill pens. They also smell.

I wish the next godzilla movie would actually use the blue oyster cult song godzilla in a prominent and un-ironic way.

Granted, but it's one of those shitty Godzilla movies, and although the song fits, it's completely ruined for you forever.

I wish I actually had a quill pen.

At 10/7/14 09:35 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:
I wish I actually had a quill pen.

Granted. Its tainted with bird flu, and you're haunted by the ghostly squawks of the bird it belonged to....the longer you keep the quill, your chances of infection rise and the haunting gets more violent.

I wish I had super-dense multi-petabyte hard drives that contained every song, every movie, and every completed and incomplete show accessible to my computer at any time.