Don't hurt yourself man, you have plenty of friends here who are happy to have your back in your time of need. If the meaning of life is to give life meaning, lamenting on your losses and regret shouldn't be your life's premise. If you've ever considered suicide, just turn that around and decide to make life your oyster - At least that way you can be killed in action, doing something that makes you happy, something that you've always wanted to do, instead of being boring and ending it all in a couple of seconds.
I've thought heavily on the subject of death, I've studied many shockumentaries and have seen many people die (Not just on the web, I used to live in Amsterdam so I saw rape and death with my own eyes as well) and trust me, it's a very ugly thing, not just for the person dying but for everyone around who has to continuing living knowing that you know longer exist, who never got to see the end of your story beyond the point where you deciding to end it.
Just live life man and be happy, if not for yourself or me, for this kitten.