I remember when I was your age...we didn't have none of that "soap" stuff.
Look at ya'll now. You're all weak. What ya'll need is a little raw sewage in your tap water. Drink it, bathe in it. Maybe one of these days you'll grow some hair on your chest.
Back in my day, before we all said grace at the dinner table, my pa would make each of us pass over our plates one by one so he could hock a fat ol' loog on top of the that night's entree.
"It's good for ya," he said.
"strengthens the immune system."
And since my pa started doin' that, ain't none of us ever got sick ever.
('cept for Uncle Jimmy who got the diabeetus, but that was cuz he was always eatin' everything in sight)