At 3/4/13 04:37 PM, Spedmallet wrote:
And as I have said before, I'm looking for suggestions, not hindsight.
I still think what you did was pretty awful, but fine, fair enough.
You're asking for advice but you haven't given a whole lot of information for us to go on. This might be a shot in the dark, but are you sure the girl isn't just flat-out lying? What was her angle when she called you? Was she just notifying you that she was pregnant? Asking for support? Trying to rope you into a relationship/marriage/whatever? I don't know, this kind of thing is unlikely but not unheard of.
Also, what's the timeframe here? How long ago did you have sex? How far along is she claiming to be? Assuming she is actually pregnant, could you reasonably assume that somebody else is the father? Do you know her well enough that you know who those potential fathers might be?
If you suspect that she's lying, then call her bluff, she can't keep it going forever. I still think it's wrong to be keeping secrets like this from your girlfriend, but I don't know the particulars of how your relationship works, so whatever.
If she actually is pregnant and you actually are the father, then there is no hiding this from your girlfriend. You should tell her immediately; the longer you wait, the worse it will get. She will find out one way or another, and you're much better off being honest with her than waiting for her to catch you lying. If she stays with you, you are a very lucky man. If she leaves, well, frankly, who can blame her?
And then, difficult as it is, you kind of have to man up and be supportive. This girl is probably scared shitless, and I know that you are too, but it's worse for her because at the end of the day she can't just cut and run like you can. By all means, keep trying to convince her that abortion or adoption would be better solutions (because they would be), but if she does ultimately keep it, you should be prepared to deal with that, rather than trying to find a way out. Because at that point, there isn't one, and it's not just yourself you need to worry about anymore.
But at this early stage, I'd mostly recommend just meeting with her in person to talk shit out, and to calmly explain to her why you think abortion or adoption are the ways to go. Take it from there.