I took pleasant joy in the ending; Its taste being suited well to my pallet.
If I had to present to you an immediate facet for you to shine and improve: I'd warn you to watch your tenses.
The present-tense writing was fun, but at times you lapsed into past tense verbs. --many writers do this though. It isn't a direct issue, but can sometimes give your writing an improper lend of jumble. For example,
"ItâEUTMs a dismal, rainy evening and my parents decided to order out instead of making dinner. Not that I mind - less dishes. I didnâEUTMt want to get out. The rain was starting to hit down harder and more violent since I left home. âEUoeAn ode to the brave,âEU I thought."
You carry a nice beginning, and I'll admit I'm a nutter for florid environmental descriptions, but then it wavers when you state you "..didn't want to get out." Maybe rather, it could read as "I don't want to get out."
It's probably rather awkward to type at first: That's why these tensual distortions sneak in! :o]
--but if you keep it straight, your story will sound more like a currently occurring current of occurrences, pulling the reader along with your train of thought.
Again, on the other side of the coin, you may have been trying to go for past tense all along! I don't think so though, due to the beginning carrying heavy present elements.
In general, I enjoy your styling an imagination. I'd love to see what you could do with drawn out Horror.