One time I was trapped in the mountains and became insane with hunger while freezing to death. They thawed me out the following century. The first thing I remember was being wrapped in blankets and I was on this medial examiner's table. It felt more or less like an autopsy. They had my lungs in the microwave, and my balls were just coming out of the oven. The doctor used smelling salts to snap me out of my 100 year old slumber and I started trying to speak. My black and blue lips split in all different directions. They were extremely chapped from being encased in a block of ice. MY fingers were all pruned up and I was shivering so hard it felt like a grand mal seizure. The headache was there, just behind my forehead, waiting to fully realize itself. The headache stalked back and forth like a wildcat ready to pounce. They gave me a spinal tap and fed me pureed carrots and peas. When I was able to move, I remember the pain being like if your bones were frozen solid, and thawed. The contractions in my muscles was like one huge body cramp, and my skin was pulled tight. My skin was blue. When I was ready to walk again I started researching all this modern technology you guys have. I was blue and bald for 3 years. I had veins sticking out of my forehead like Nosferatu, and these really thin claws for hands. I discovered the internet. I was enthralled. I found a website called newgrounds.com and here I am. I still wake up some nights with that blinding headache. Most of my skin has fallen off and given way to one whole-body scar tissue. When I first woke up, I dismally recall crapping ice cubes.
Late blooming is cool, because now I get to fuck all my enemies old girlfriends. So, in closing, suck my mutha fuckin dick yo.