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Alacrity Project, (action-comedy)

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ReklessCreati0n
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Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 20:43:39 Reply

Hey NG Writers,

I'm working on a project right now that I'll be animating. I have a rough draft script made up but it is lacking good comedy. I'd like to work with some of the writers here on NG to help bring a bit of life to the comedy in my story. Here is what I have so far for the opening episode.

Alacrity

Episode 1 (episode title)

Scene 1

(View of deep space fades in seeing a planet not too far away)

Alexa:
The outer reaches of space hold great mystery to many, I canâEUTMt help but wonder what great things are out among the stars. Is there anybody else out there, or are we all alone?

(Escape pod appears on screen and heads towards the planet)

Intro Plays

Scene 2

(Scene opens with a guy tied up to a chair in a dark room, heâEUTMs bleeding and looks a bit beat up. A woman is seen with her back to him wiping down her gun. Day )

Alexa:
âEUoeI suggest you take a second to think about just how exactly youâEUTMll be answering my next question Jeff. Cause if I donâEUTMt like your answer, you might just end up like your friends over there.âEU

(Shows a bunch of thugs beat up across the room. )

Alexa:
âEUoeNow tell me Jeff, where is the Jack of DiamondsâEU

Jeff:
âEUoeI canâEUTMt te-âEU
*inturrupted*

Alexa:
*interrupting*
âEUoeUhn uhn uhnnnn, You can and you willâEU

(Alexa sticks her pistol in between JeffâEUTMâEUTMs legs and pulls back the hammerâEU)

Jeff:
âEUoeHeâEUTMs in the City of Creed... âEUoe

Alexa:
âEUoeGood boyâEU

(She walks away from him and takes off her dirtied shirt and heads outside to her bike.)

(Outside there is a cat laying on a beat up motorcycle he perks his head up.)

Mocha:
âEUoeWow you really are the worst person in existence arenâEUTMt youâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeHey, I get the job done, thatâEUTMs what matters, right?âEU

(Tosses a grenade in the door she just walked out of. )

Mocha:
âEUoeIs that really necessary? âEUoe

Alexa:
âEUoeumm yesâEU

(You hear Jeff yelling in the background then an explosion happens.)

Alexa:
âEUoeWell weâEUTMre off to the City of CreedâEU

Mocha:
âEUoeThat dump, what do we need to go there for? They donâEUTMt have any good foodâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeI know, but once we complete this contract weâEUTMll have enough money to eat for a month... whoa whatâEUTMs that!âEU

(The escape pod breaks through the atmosphere and crashes down in the desert. You see the reflection in her goggles as she puts them on.)

Alexa:
âEUoeLets go check it out MochaâEU

(She kicks back her stand and rides off.)

Scene 3

(Alexa is looking through binoculars and checking out the landing site, there is a jeep parked close by and some thugs are looking at the escape pod.)

Alexa:
âEUoeLooks like somebody beat us to itâEU

Mocha:
âEUoeWell look at that I guess we can go now, no need for a violent bloodbath or anything.âEU

The escape pod opens and a young man falls to his knees coughing and choking.

Alexa:
âEUoeWait somebody just came out of it.. and heâEUTMs pretty cute too.âEU

Mocha:
âEUoeDo you ever think about anything but boys and food?âEU

Her stomach growls

Alexa:
âEUoeI wasnâEUTMt hungry until you said somethingâEU

The thugs see him and raise their weapons to kill the young man whoâEUTMs still gasping for air.

Alexa:
âEUoeAh crapâEU

She runs down the hill that they were watching from and shoots the gun out of the hand of the guy that was about to shoot the young man. The other thugs ready their weapons and fire at Alexa, she slides down the hill leaning back ducking under the enemy fire, fires precise shots hitting each man directly with kill shots.

Mocha follows shortly after

Mocha:
âEUoeAlways a bloodbath with you..âEU

Alexa hands the young man a cantin and smiles. She has one for herself and starts taking a drink.

Young Man:
âEUoeThank.. youâEU

The young man takes a drink and checks out Alexa drinking out of hers

Alexa:
âEUoeSo whatâEUTMs your name?âEU

Young Man:
âEUoeUhhh... I... I donâEUTMt know.. I canâEUTMt remember, I canâEUTMt remember anythingâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeNo memory?âEU

Mocha:
âEUoewell thatâEUTMs not cliche at allâEU

The young man looks at Mocha with surprise

Mocha:
âEUoeI mean... meowâEU

Young Man:
âEUoeThanks for saving meâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeNo problem, we should probably get going though, you kind of made a grand entrance.

Young Man:
âEUoeOk, thats probably a good idea, where are we going?âEU

Alexa:
âEUoeThe City of Creed, I know somebody there who might be able to tell you some stuff about this spaceship of yours. Grab your stuff and weâEUTMll get going.

Young Man:
âEUoeSpace..ship? oh okay lets goâEU

To Be Continued

If anybody has any ideas, post them here. Or we can also talk on skype

skype add: reklesscreati0n


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 20:46:54 Reply

This would be a lot easier to read if not for all the errors - fancy going through it and fixing all the punctuation?

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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 20:47:35 Reply

So I don't know what the heck happended there, but all of my punctuation turned into oddball characters.

If you are having trouble reading you can download the .rtf here


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 21:23:02 Reply

Repost, hopefully the error doesn't happen again.

Alacrity

Episode 1 (episode title)

Scene 1

(View of deep space fades in seeing a planet not too far away)

Alexa:
The outer reaches of space hold great mystery to many, I canâEUTMt help but wonder what great things are out among the stars. Is there anybody else out there, or are we all alone?

(Escape pod appears on screen and heads towards the planet)

Intro Plays

Scene 2

(Scene opens with a guy tied up to a chair in a dark room, heâEUTMs bleeding and looks a bit beat up. A woman is seen with her back to him wiping down her gun. Day )

Alexa:
âEUoeI suggest you take a second to think about just how exactly youâEUTMll be answering my next question Jeff. Cause if I donâEUTMt like your answer, you might just end up like your friends over there.âEU

(Shows a bunch of thugs beat up across the room. )

Alexa:
âEUoeNow tell me Jeff, where is the Jack of DiamondsâEU

Jeff:
âEUoeI canâEUTMt te-âEU
*inturrupted*

Alexa:
*interrupting*
âEUoeUhn uhn uhnnnn, You can and you willâEU

(Alexa sticks her pistol in between JeffâEUTMâEUTMs legs and pulls back the hammerâEU)

Jeff:
âEUoeHeâEUTMs in the City of Creed... âEUoe

Alexa:
âEUoeGood boyâEU

(She walks away from him and takes off her dirtied shirt and heads outside to her bike.)

(Outside there is a cat laying on a beat up motorcycle he perks his head up.)

Mocha:
âEUoeWow you really are the worst person in existence arenâEUTMt youâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeHey, I get the job done, thatâEUTMs what matters, right?âEU

(Tosses a grenade in the door she just walked out of. )

Mocha:
âEUoeIs that really necessary? âEUoe

Alexa:
âEUoeumm yesâEU

(You hear Jeff yelling in the background then an explosion happens.)

Alexa:
âEUoeWell weâEUTMre off to the City of CreedâEU

Mocha:
âEUoeThat dump, what do we need to go there for? They donâEUTMt have any good foodâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeI know, but once we complete this contract weâEUTMll have enough money to eat for a month... whoa whatâEUTMs that!âEU

(The escape pod breaks through the atmosphere and crashes down in the desert. You see the reflection in her goggles as she puts them on.)

Alexa:
âEUoeLets go check it out MochaâEU

(She kicks back her stand and rides off.)

Scene 3

(Alexa is looking through binoculars and checking out the landing site, there is a jeep parked close by and some thugs are looking at the escape pod.)

Alexa:
âEUoeLooks like somebody beat us to itâEU

Mocha:
âEUoeWell look at that I guess we can go now, no need for a violent bloodbath or anything.âEU

The escape pod opens and a young man falls to his knees coughing and choking.

Alexa:
âEUoeWait somebody just came out of it.. and heâEUTMs pretty cute too.âEU

Mocha:
âEUoeDo you ever think about anything but boys and food?âEU

Her stomach growls

Alexa:
âEUoeI wasnâEUTMt hungry until you said somethingâEU

The thugs see him and raise their weapons to kill the young man whoâEUTMs still gasping for air.

Alexa:
âEUoeAh crapâEU

She runs down the hill that they were watching from and shoots the gun out of the hand of the guy that was about to shoot the young man. The other thugs ready their weapons and fire at Alexa, she slides down the hill leaning back ducking under the enemy fire, fires precise shots hitting each man directly with kill shots.

Mocha follows shortly after

Mocha:
âEUoeAlways a bloodbath with you..âEU

Alexa hands the young man a cantin and smiles. She has one for herself and starts taking a drink.

Young Man:
âEUoeThank.. youâEU

The young man takes a drink and checks out Alexa drinking out of hers

Alexa:
âEUoeSo whatâEUTMs your name?âEU

Young Man:
âEUoeUhhh... I... I donâEUTMt know.. I canâEUTMt remember, I canâEUTMt remember anythingâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeNo memory?âEU

Mocha:
âEUoewell thatâEUTMs not cliche at allâEU

The young man looks at Mocha with surprise

Mocha:
âEUoeI mean... meowâEU

Young Man:
âEUoeThanks for saving meâEU

Alexa:
âEUoeNo problem, we should probably get going though, you kind of made a grand entrance.

Young Man:
âEUoeOk, thats probably a good idea, where are we going?âEU

Alexa:
âEUoeThe City of Creed, I know somebody there who might be able to tell you some stuff about this spaceship of yours. Grab your stuff and weâEUTMll get going.

Young Man:
âEUoeSpace..ship? oh okay lets goâEU

To Be Continued


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 21:27:39 Reply

ugh, that error keeps happening, it doesn't show up in the preview so its very hard to tell. And since I have no way of editing the post I cannot fix the problem. I apologize for all of the posts with the errors with the punctuation or spacing or whatever might be causing it. You should be able to download the script without errors in my second post of the fourm.


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 22:52:59 Reply

I can try to add some humor. I'll PM you my version of your script.

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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 23:17:08 Reply

At 2/19/13 10:52 PM, Noklevername wrote: I can try to add some humor. I'll PM you my version of your script.

Thanks man, really appreciate it. I've been working on it a bit today too seeing if I can add any more comedy to it.


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-19 23:28:23 Reply

No problem! I'll try and get the story to you tomorrow, okay?

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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-20 00:07:16 Reply

At 2/19/13 11:28 PM, Noklevername wrote: No problem! I'll try and get the story to you tomorrow, okay?

Ok

BTW the Longline of the story is:

Guy crashes to a strange desert planet with no memory, he meets a promiscuous woman with a talking cat who decides to help him get his memory back. A mechanic joins the group after they hear of a place that is rumored to have technology similar to the ship he crashed in. They take a journey to find this place and to figure out his mysterious past. Along their journey Alexa takes bounty hunting jobs to pay for necessities.


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Response to Alacrity Project, (action-comedy) 2013-02-20 06:00:36 Reply

Here is some Concept Art

Alacrity Project, (action-comedy)


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