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TheColourAwesome
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The city 2013-02-13 05:16:21 Reply

TLDR(But please do): Feeling like what you're doing in life doesn't really reflect on you as a person. World feeling to generic to be comfortable.

I walked down to the city yesterday and I don't think I ever felt more pleb in my life. It's hard to be in style when you don't have friends and after a year or so of wearing the same Vans you forget about how uninteresting they are. The city is such a great place. I went on midday Tue in the little allyways and cracks and found a lot of 16 year olds smoking fags and carrying records. Visited the record store and I knew maybe 4 artists. All local, I don't think I have any people on my lastfm from my home state.

I know I sound very self conscious and I am to certain extent, like we all are. But I mainly just felt like I was missing out on an amazing culture. I put a lot of stress on myself in school because I grew to the relation's that World without a successful career is shit, which I think made me depressed. When you stop to thing about your life and really analysis it you come to a lot of conclusions. I don't really like playing video games that much. I hate violence, I would never want to kill or harm anyone in real life. I hate all the brands I wear, they don't represent me at all. The people I never felt like I fit in anywhere at school, I always got shit when I was interested in something no one else was.

With all this free time I have at the moment I'm going to take a few trips to the city and buy some CD's. Vinyl is too expensive for me with International tastes though I have considered it.

Basically, I've come to the realisation that I'm so unhappy because I fine everything so generic. And when I find a place with so much substance, so much awesome detail and how much I don't fit in because I've not ever thought about adventuring out there I feel like it's a massive missed opportunity. I've tried so hard and felt so alone where I live because I hate everything here. I hate the attitudes, I hate the music, I hate the clothing and I hate the people.

I just wanted to write this down because it ment something to me and I spend a bit of time with you guys on here. Please don't get angry or anything.


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TheColourAwesome
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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:21:22 Reply

I feel better after writing this. Even if it is sloperly written.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:23:13 Reply

At 2/13/13 05:21 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: I feel better after writing this. Even if it is sloperly written.

You can articulate your thoughts better than me but your grammar is so shit it makes me want to DIE


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TheColourAwesome
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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:27:41 Reply

At 2/13/13 05:23 AM, Halberd wrote:
At 2/13/13 05:21 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: I feel better after writing this. Even if it is sloperly written.
You can articulate your thoughts better than me but your grammar is so shit it makes me want to DIE

The average persons grammar is pretty awful which is a statistic that doesn't have a source. It could be pointed out that you have excellent grammar for you age.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:42:07 Reply

Where's the sex part?


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:43:05 Reply

You probably havent realised what you truly want to do with your life and you are wondering why you are doing what you are doing. Just find something you love to do and strive towards doing that for a living.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 05:49:31 Reply

At 2/13/13 05:16 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: And when I find a place with so much substance, so much awesome detail

Are you referring to the city when you say this? At the start of the post it felt like the city was mocking you and you didn't like it at all, but it seems I got the wrong impression? Personally I hate the city. Too many people. Too much concrete. Too much commercialism. Well maybe I shouldn't say hate, it can be fun at times, but I prefer places were there are no buildings, were time has paved the landscape with interesting formations and the atmosphere is just random and refreshing.

Hate brands

Why wear brands? I couldn't care less about what brands I wear. I probably wouldn't know which brands I wore if I didn't have to keep track on that little tag on the back of T-shirts to be sure that I only take my own clothes from the washing machine. I wear clothes that feel comfortable, and never anything where the brand is visible unless I have some kind of bond with the brand, or it means something special to me, which most brands don't. Free stuff is an exception. :) With good shoes it's pretty much impossible to not showcase a brand though...

I can relate to a lot you write, especially that everything is generic, society is just a big factory forming people into building blocks, same shapes and sizes, places like this that spur the creative sides of people are inspiring. :)

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 06:14:34 Reply

At 2/13/13 05:49 AM, Cyberdevil wrote:
At 2/13/13 05:16 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: And when I find a place with so much substance, so much awesome detail
Are you referring to the city when you say this? At the start of the post it felt like the city was mocking you and you didn't like it at all, but it seems I got the wrong impression? Personally I hate the city. Too many people. Too much concrete. Too much commercialism. Well maybe I shouldn't say hate, it can be fun at times, but I prefer places were there are no buildings, were time has paved the landscape with interesting formations and the atmosphere is just random and refreshing.

Yes, because I was totally impersonal. I didn't have any intreasts


Hate brands
Why wear brands? I couldn't care less about what brands I wear. I probably wouldn't know which brands I wore if I didn't have to keep track on that little tag on the back of T-shirts to be sure that I only take my own clothes from the washing machine. I wear clothes that feel comfortable, and never anything where the brand is visible unless I have some kind of bond with the brand, or it means something special to me, which most brands don't. Free stuff is an exception. :) With good shoes it's pretty much impossible to not showcase a brand though...

I can relate to a lot you write, especially that everything is generic, society is just a big factory forming people into building blocks, same shapes and sizes, places like this that spur the creative sides of people are inspiring. :)

You should care because you shouldn't display and buy something that doesn't reflect you. You should care about things in general because it's the best place to be where you want to be.

Ok, think of it like this. You have the cash for a new car. Jim and stacy and Bill bought a Goldwing V9. It's beautiful and it's the hot thing (buzzwords that don't mean anything). You just want a nice car and this seems like it. You'd rather not think about it because you just want to enjoy it. Who cares, right? But you don't plan on going to the track. You think big gas goslers and ruining the environment, of course you really wouldn't think about it much because it's not positive. So you get the car and that's it and you enjoy it. You now own a car you didn't really want that much because people who aren't you suggested it. You fell very hip but it says nothing about you. If I asked why you own it you'd say it's cool and I'd ask why and you'd go, I dunno, Man. I just like it. Who cares?

You could have loved that car. You could have bought the smaller more effient Blueslim V6 and said, because it's Blue. I've always wanted a Blue car because my dogs name is blue and I love him a bunch. It has seat warmers and I get a stiff back so it really helps during those long drives to work in the morning and because it's saving the environment which I care about because my Father was a farmer for many years and now that he's dead I see it as a nice way to keep his passion alive. I'd ask what Stacy things and you'd say, I dunno, Man. Who cares?

When you really like something you can go in to great detail why it is you like it because you've thought about it. If you didn't like it you wouldn't have gone any further with it. Analyzing stuff isn't always positive but it's the best way to find out what you like. I could see a movie and when someone says it wasn't any good I could call them I downer but what fucking use would that do? I've effectively shut down a conversation and have no real reason why and will continue to see movies that I may not enjoy because I didn't want to think about it. If I did enjoy the movie I could have said, What? The part where he's lovingly embarrassing his Daughter was great. I don't think I've felt that emotional for a while it wouldn't matter what he thought and you would watch Missing Mary later that night on DVD and see your Mother on Thursday because the part when the portagonise ignored his Mother and died in the street race reminded you how much your Mother would greeve if that had happened to you and it reminded you of your Fathers passing.

See what I mean? I fucking hope so because that took a while to write. ;)


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TheColourAwesome
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Response to The city 2013-02-13 06:23:30 Reply

At 2/13/13 06:14 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: Ok, think of it like this.

I think I was talking more about how I had brands all over my body.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 06:40:20 Reply

At 2/13/13 06:14 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: You should care because you shouldn't display and buy something that doesn't reflect you. You should care about things in general because it's the best place to be where you want to be.

Maybe I didn't formulate that right. On the topic of clothing. Everything you buy has a brand, unless you get it custom-made which would be too expensive to work for me at least, so there's nothing you can do about that. When I buy clothes I don't buy clothes with a visible brand name, because I couldn't care less about the impression that people would get from me if I did, I chose clothes that are cheap and/or comfortable and only keep track of the brand name hidden in the collar tag to know which shirts are mine. Most of the T-Shirts I wear are plain color, most of them white or orange because I like those colors. I have a few with dragon motives that I bought through a friend in Bermuda, but for the most part the motives that are showcased on shirts either feature blatant ads for big companies like Nike or Puma or feature generic motives based upon Internet memes of general perceptions of everyday life, which I tend to not agree with much, or at least not enough to wear them. I wouldn't buy anything just because I liked the look if I didn't stand for the message, but at the same time I don't mind walking around with a Windows Vista shirt even though I hate the OS, because what I wear doesn't really say anything about me. People will have to speak to me to know me.

About the car example, when I do get one the decisive factor will be mainly price. I'm not in such a situation in life where I can mime other successful people and buy what they buy because it looks good, but if I was, I'd probably still have my own opinion on which car to get. Cars are very personal. To me they're the essence of freedom, and at the same time they're like a home, a place you decorate and build-upon, and spend a lot of time inside. I don't think that example is really comparable to clothing since clothing is very impersonal to me. It could be compared to buying a wrench, I'd buy one that works well and doesn't cost too much, and then I'll use it for everyday needs. Brand name for a wrench, that's not one of stature, right? It's the same thing with clothes for me.

As for other items I'm all but generic. I refuse to get a smartphone because I don't want to use phones for anything else than calling. I fetch my money straight from the bank because I don't like the impersonality with ATMs. I buy music of artists I've grown to like, and sometimes just random records to see if I'll be positively surprised by them, most of them far from mainstream, I haven't seen a regular TV show in years either because there's much better entertainment being made by amateur artists around the world. People say they follow the flow so they have things to speak about to other people, but there's waaaay more to speak about when there are differences. :)

I could see a movie and when someone says it wasn't any good I could call them I downer but what fucking use would that do? I've effectively shut down a conversation and have no real reason why and will continue to see movies that I may not enjoy because I didn't want to think about it.
See what I mean? I fucking hope so because that took a while to write. ;)

Haha, yeah, long post. I don't get the point with that last argument about the movie though. If you don't like a movie, shouldn't you stand for your opinion? Seems like that goes against the grain of everything else you said. Otherwise, I understood it the first time! :) Do you understand what I mean now? :P

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 08:34:33 Reply

At 2/13/13 05:16 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote:
I just wanted to write this down because it ment something to me and I spend a bit of time with you guys on here. Please don't get angry or anything.

I guess everyone on here is probably on much the same boat. If not everyone, a lot of people anyway.

The world is generic, post-modernism has made the world a cynical and harsh place and globilisation has turned most of the world into a unified culture, making it more difficult for outcasts. Let's not beat around the bush, that's what we are, I'm even an outcast amoungst the outcasts.

But we are condemned to be free and as city dwellers, we are pretty cosmopolitan by nature. I have moved to a town, but I'm still very much city in my heart and I detest it. For all of my trumpeting of my love of my land, I listen to foreign musicians (SWANS) or our reinterpretation of foreign musick (Goth Rock and Black Metal, por example).

Who am I? Well, I guess I define myself mainly in terms of outsiderness - I am a Goth and a Brony and a Monarchist and a Nationalist. What does this translate to IRL? Nothing much. I'm me: sweet, loyal and doleful.

The worst part is - I can't offer you any help. All I can say is that you should look into Existential philosophy and the occult. YOu must define who you are and shape the world around you and this journey begins on a personal level.

I wish you luck.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 08:41:35 Reply

At 2/13/13 08:34 AM, ZeroAsALimit wrote: Stuff

Humans aren't really that different from any other animals, we chose to live in herds, we gather together for fear of the unknown. The only problem is that people think too much and create problems for themselves even when there doesn't need to be. But then again, how interesting would it be to just follow the flow and become a stereotype. You wouldn't benefit from it; neither would the world. All progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Inspiring speech btw.

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 08:47:57 Reply

At 2/13/13 08:41 AM, Cyberdevil wrote:
At 2/13/13 08:34 AM, ZeroAsALimit wrote: Stuff
Humans aren't really that different from any other animals, we chose to live in herds, we gather together for fear of the unknown. The only problem is that people think too much and create problems for themselves even when there doesn't need to be. But then again, how interesting would it be to just follow the flow and become a stereotype. You wouldn't benefit from it; neither would the world. All progress depends on the unreasonable man.

In some ways, I am a stereotype, I've been lying in bed, drinking vodka. Or maybe I am not, I guess symptoms are hardly stereotypical, I'm just ill.

Haha! HERD, I'm a Brony, lol!!!

The thing is. Although we are aware that we are a baser creature than how we might choose to percieve ourselves, we are obviously of a type that cannot just switch off and go with the flow.

Inspiring speech btw.

Thank you. :D I usually get told that I'm a downer. I think some people just see the existential crisis as Nihilism incarnate and don't look at that massive silver lining that it can have.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 09:41:56 Reply

At 2/13/13 08:47 AM, ZeroAsALimit wrote: In some ways, I am a stereotype, I've been lying in bed, drinking vodka. Or maybe I am not, I guess symptoms are hardly stereotypical, I'm just ill.

I can't say I know anyone else who commonly lies in bed and drinks vodka in the morning (?). That doesn't sound too bad!

The thing is. Although we are aware that we are a baser creature than how we might choose to percieve ourselves, we are obviously of a type that cannot just switch off and go with the flow.

Indeed, and that can be a good thing if we're not just bogged down by norm and transformed.

I think some people just see the existential crisis as Nihilism incarnate and don't look at that massive silver lining that it can have.

What fun would life be without existential philosophy. :P

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 10:07:03 Reply

At 2/13/13 09:59 AM, Scary wrote: just find your own style or it won't come off natural

How when I don't know where to shop? I liked what people were wearing more than anything else and it reminded me how I don't have a style. I never really like what I wear.

Seemed so chill. Like I could hang out there all day and just talk records and smoke some. People seems so laid back and interesting. I live in an area known for being full of fuckwits.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 10:26:09 Reply

At 2/13/13 10:17 AM, Scary wrote:
At 2/13/13 10:07 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote:
At 2/13/13 09:59 AM, Scary wrote: just find your own style or it won't come off natural
How when I don't know where to shop? I liked what people were wearing more than anything else and it reminded me how I don't have a style. I never really like what I wear.
well if you liked what they were wearing, why not see if that look would suit you? i doubt they were wearing anything super exotic that couldn't be found in local clothing stores. or you could go on a shopping trip to the city where you might have more choice. it really isn't impossible to get a new wardrobe.

I have a lot of cash saved up but I want an audio system and when the cash is gone, it's gone for good. I have no in-cum and I don't like getting handouts. If I wanted to I could easily get a new wardrobe but really, I do need to know shops. I'm sure it's the same over there, there's thousands of nice samll shops in thr city but I have no idea where they are. The places I do know (Goodwill, ASOS and pleb surfie shops) don't have the stuff I'm after. I'm tossing up between a audio system and clothes but really I'm too scared to touch any of it. I bought a pair of jeans yesterday down from $110 to $20 (propably becasue of the terrible colour) here.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 10:29:42 Reply

Making your own designs is always as option, just design, print out and iron onto a shirt of choice. Piece of cake.

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 10:35:29 Reply

At 2/13/13 10:29 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: Piece of cake.

I like your enthusiasm.

At 2/13/13 10:31 AM, Scary wrote: what sort of clothing are you after?

Melbourne style? It's very hot out here atm so nothing like Gothninja. Just nice, mature looking clothes. Chino shorts, button collar shirts.

and don't buy things just because they're on sale. you can have the mentality 'oh i might as well because it is cheap' but if you don't like the colour then you're probably not going to wear it so you didn't really get your $20 worth. anyway link didn't work, pic?

I hesitated but I asked a few people and decided to just do it. only because they're not that bad I think

The city


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 10:44:16 Reply

At 2/13/13 10:40 AM, Scary wrote: you say you don't know where to find these clothes but why not just search all the stores you find? you'd deffo find one of the above.

I'm not lazy. It's a big city. I spent all day in it and found like 2 clothing shops maybe. I saw a large Roger David painted on the side of a building, followed it and didn't find anything.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:03:04 Reply

At 2/13/13 10:52 AM, Scary wrote:
At 2/13/13 10:44 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote:
At 2/13/13 10:40 AM, Scary wrote: you say you don't know where to find these clothes but why not just search all the stores you find? you'd deffo find one of the above.
I'm not lazy. It's a big city. I spent all day in it and found like 2 clothing shops maybe. I saw a large Roger David painted on the side of a building, followed it and didn't find anything.
maybe track down a few shopping centres in the city? i don't know, it is research you can do online. i have no knowledge regarding melbourne or australian clothing chains.

also, do you have steam? i feel like i sent you a friend request at one point and either you didn't add me or you did and i've forgotten what name you use.

I don't use Steam much because I don't play video games much anymore. I don't like using Steam and when I have to have it open just for chat to people it annoys me but come back to it now and then so I don't loose what friends I do have. My Skype is thecolourawesome. My Steam was once my Dads <3 so it's warlord_999177.

We have shopping centres but it's all the same shit that I'm trying to avoid. I do try and research but it doesn't help when you're banned from /fa/ with no place to start.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:06:42 Reply

i feel the same, buddah
try to find people who like what you like as well


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:13:07 Reply

At 2/13/13 11:08 AM, Scary wrote:
At 2/13/13 11:03 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote: I do try and research but it doesn't help when you're banned from /fa/ with no place to start.
lmao what even?

too many squirt pics


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:23:34 Reply

At 2/13/13 11:14 AM, Ma1achi wrote: i think you need to smoke weed

The way to solve all problems.

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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:29:18 Reply

At 2/13/13 11:28 AM, Ma1achi wrote: not exactly, but it chills you out

Weed would help.


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Response to The city 2013-02-13 11:29:28 Reply

At 2/13/13 11:28 AM, Ma1achi wrote:
At 2/13/13 11:23 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: The way to solve all problems.
not exactly, but it chills you out

The way to solve all psychological problems then.