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Darwin's Date sample story

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Jasonpick
Jasonpick
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Darwin's Date sample story 2013-02-09 22:34:11 Reply

Chapter One
In The Theater

Darwin sat in sit with his date's seat empty next to him as he watched the play. The theater was dark and crowded with people. Lights on the walls made it brighter but still very dim and hard to see the play. On stage the two evildoers were fighting the lone hero in a duel but in audience just rows of almost full red theater seats. Darwin grew antsy and got up to walk to entrance.

Once there he made a call on his cell phone to his date, named Sam. She didn't answer and he was left outside talking to no one. The city streets were full of cars and people looking to go somewhere and to be with someone but where was Sam. Darwin didn't know and didn't care any more. So he when back inside to see the play but the theater was empty. The play wasn't over till 9 and it was 8:15. The seats were empty and knocked all over the place.

Do you want me to write more please say so.


good luck.

Spedmallet
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Response to Darwin's Date sample story 2013-02-10 08:18:10 Reply

I'm sorry, but from what little I read I noticed it was overall just a list of statements. What I mean is that it comes off something like this.

Darwin sat next to an empty seat.
There was no one there.
He was sad.
He got up.
Darwin called a phone.
There was no answer.

I noticed a couple of syntax errors too. You really gotta try to write a little more next time as well. You only made two paragraphs.


Dr. Spedmund McMallet

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Jasonpick
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Response to Darwin's Date sample story 2013-02-10 23:28:49 Reply

Ok then.


good luck.

Jasonpick
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Response to Darwin's Date sample story 2013-02-20 21:40:06 Reply

At 2/10/13 11:28 PM, Jasonpick wrote: Ok then.

Chapter One
In The Theater

I sat alone in the theater waiting on my date and watching the play. The play was quite boring so my mind began to wonder and focus on other things around me. The theater was dimly lit and theater was nearly full but the seat next me was still empty. I just had to call her and so I left the theater. The phone when to voice mail.

Darwin: Hello, its me again, pick up. ah!

I hanged up and when back inside the theater but it was empty but instead of a roll of theater seats it was bunch torn and ripped seats. The stage was wrecked and the curtains were slashed.

This is a writing sample so tell if you want me to write even more.


good luck.

snapsunny
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Response to Darwin's Date sample story 2013-02-21 17:06:37 Reply

To be frank, it has to be you who wants to write more. Ignore the reader, you're telling a story. Give the reader enough room to understand what is happening but don't expect a hefty nudge to keep you motivated. It's all you, man! Do you think you should keep going? If you're not digging it, scrap it and try something else.

As for a critique, there's not enough to really work from. Give me something more than a nibble, else I can't chew :P