At 1/14/13 02:57 AM, Sekhem wrote:
yeah, that movie fucking sucked
and i love the cky videos
omg YES. The entire reason I watched it was from fond memories of the cky videos...and it was essentially the guys in CKY but without anything remotely funny. Pace. Structure. Plot. Characters? It was fucking awful.
Now the characters are skating for no real reason. Slow motioned with a fish-eye lens...WHY NOT. It worked in CKY, but with the context of whatever the hell was happening in the film, it came out of nowhere. Scenes disrupted by long, LONG shots just pointing at scenery...just scenery which padded out for minutes, it seemed like.
To date, its the only movie where I was exhaustively verbally protesting the content while it played. Oh! Haggard and THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
I hated it. I hated it so goddamn much. Its so pretentiously artsy fartsy it became a joke that would've been worth a chuckle if it didn't make you completely dead inside. THIS IS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME.
Its like this kid in 1956, and theres barely, BARELY any dialogue in this long, long, LONG ass movie....don't get me mistaken, thats not necessarily a bad trait for a film, which is a visual median; it beats the hell out of exposition, but barely anything is explained. Deep? Maybe...but it pissed me off. I couldn't get invested into these boring, BORING characters, and their Hollywood-minimalistic, under-the-breath deliveries when it came to their lines.
Within the first 5 minutes of the film, a boy dies. We don't know why or how, but the mom is pretty fucked up about it, and the kids are just like "......"
Then the narrator is like, "Let me start from the beginning." and you're thinkin', "Okay cool, a flashback which will make us care about who the fuck these people are"
IT GOES TO THE CREATION OF THE UNIVERSE. ITS NOT EVEN COOL.
The planet forms.
Long, sustained Primordial Soup shot.
Dinosaurs! ...But they aren't cool dinosaurs doing cool dinosaur things...one is slowly dying by a river, while a carnivore comes up. And I'm like, "Cool, whatever, we'll get to see dinosaurs eating." but it just kinda kick-prods the downed dino and then it walks off.
Some more boring shit happens, and we finally see our mother and father character dealing with pregnancy and raising a baby. For like, thirty goddamned minutes.
Granted, its shot beautifully, it looks really neat and artsy, but NOTHING HAPPENS. There's two uncomfortable scenes where Brad Pitt roughs up his wife a little and gets pissed at his kid and beats them, but literally NOTHING. FUCKING. HAPPENS. It is the most boring movie I have ever seen in my life.