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Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up)

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CloseThyDoor
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Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:22 PM Reply

This is how to get laid if you're having trouble and/or desperately need to lose your virginity.

Option 1: You meet some chick online. You ask her to put her phone on vibrate. You put your penis on your phone (sorry i phone touch users), and you dial her while simultaneously humping your phone.

you have successfully e-fingered her and e-banged her.

Option 2: (not recommend)
You wrap a blood pressure band around your penis and it will be exactly like getting a blowjob from a toothless cannibal who has a case of severe dry mouth and wants to take swallow to a literally level.

Option 3:
I've actually considered this one. Finding a gay guy online and telling him to dress as a female and cover his cock. You basically banged a chick.

Option 4:
Find a willing female participant of legal age on webcam and basically jack off and splurge on your cam. You will have given her an e-facial.

What to do if the above doesn't work-

So you feel left out still being a virgin? Okay there's still some hope.

Option 5: If you wear a wig, and you suck your dick, you basically got a bj from a chick. obviously not everyone can do this so just suspend yourself upside down and give yourself a facial with the wig on.

Option 6: Still not satisfied? Maybe it's time to receive. Just find a gay guy and tell him you want to lose your virginity so badly, you will risk hemerroids.

What doesn't work-
# literally crying in the street and holding a cardboard sign with your age saying you need to lose your virginity to a female as fast as possible to move on psychologically. You can technically place your dick in a money jar and it would still be considered clothing. If your lucky a passer by will roll down their window and give it a quick squeeze.

# Attaching a bicycle pump to your penis in order to get a blow job.

# Going to a female nurse and complaing of lower shaft pain. And then when she touches your penis you quickly hump those latex gloves before she screams and you get sent to an ENTIRELY different section of the hospital and given some funky pills.

Piemix
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:24 PM Reply

omfg go outside

Ultimate-fish
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:25 PM Reply

Wow. You must be so freaking manly. Everyone ooo-rah for the alpha up in this joint.

Here's a pic of OP because he clearly knows how to get chicks.

Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up)


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RacistBassist
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:25 PM Reply

1. Don't be a total social failure and just chat up girls.


All the cool kids have signature text

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Saen
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:25 PM Reply

All of this is much more difficult than just having sex.

Jester
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:26 PM Reply

or you could pay a hooker 50 bucks to turn a trick

HipnikDragomir
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:27 PM Reply

Option 6. Close thy door


This is my signature. It is a nice signature.

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koopahermit
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:28 PM Reply

Find a lost girl in the woods and offer chicken nuggets plus a ride home for sex.


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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:29 PM Reply

OP is having trouble moving on.


Are you MAN enough to click this?!

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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:31 PM Reply

Or you could go to a bar.


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sig by Jay11

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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:35 PM Reply

I've done every option, which means I'm swimming in pussy right now, thanks bro.


Pretend not to care about anything, but be bothered by everything.
ScaryPicnic made me do it.My letterboxd.

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LionzNTiggerz
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 09:36 PM Reply

If this is what you're looking for guys dont make the mistake of cutting your balls off. Sure, it might seem like a funny idea, but it only makes things more complicated in the long run (IT doesn't really give you a heightend sense of smell)

saqwert
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 10:14 PM Reply

The Lord of Pussy has just entered the thread and I can vouch for all methods as valid pussy hunting maneuvers

saqwert
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 10:17 PM Reply

Ha you funny niga, but I think we know I'm the true The Lord of Pussy. You can be a baron of pussy if you want

Dev
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 11:06 PM Reply

At 12/30/12 09:22 PM, CloseThyDoor wrote: This is how to get laid if you're having trouble and/or desperately need to lose your virginity.

Option 1: You meet some chick online. You ask her to put her phone on vibrate. You put your penis on your phone (sorry i phone touch users), and you dial her while simultaneously humping your phone.

you have successfully e-fingered her and e-banged her.

Technology is truly amazing...

Option 2: (not recommend)
You wrap a blood pressure band around your penis and it will be exactly like getting a blowjob from a toothless cannibal who has a case of severe dry mouth and wants to take swallow to a literally level.

I lol'd at that, I admit it.

Option 3:
I've actually considered this one. Finding a gay guy online and telling him to dress as a female and cover his cock. You basically banged a chick.

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with that statement.

Option 4:
Find a willing female participant of legal age on webcam and basically jack off and splurge on your cam. You will have given her an e-facial.

It would be much funnier if you just did whipped your cock out without asking. :D

What to do if the above doesn't work-

So you feel left out still being a virgin? Okay there's still some hope.

Option 5: If you wear a wig, and you suck your dick, you basically got a bj from a chick. obviously not everyone can do this so just suspend yourself upside down and give yourself a facial with the wig on.

How has the thought of jizzing on my own face never crossed my mind? Thank you Newgrounds BBS. I knew I was here for a reason.

Option 6: Still not satisfied? Maybe it's time to receive. Just find a gay guy and tell him you want to lose your virginity so badly, you will risk hemerroids.

What doesn't work-
# literally crying in the street and holding a cardboard sign with your age saying you need to lose your virginity to a female as fast as possible to move on psychologically. You can technically place your dick in a money jar and it would still be considered clothing. If your lucky a passer by will roll down their window and give it a quick squeeze.

I would literally die laughing if I actually saw someone doing that on the street.

# Attaching a bicycle pump to your penis in order to get a blow job.

Wouldn't you need some kind of special attachment for that?

# Going to a female nurse and complaing of lower shaft pain. And then when she touches your penis you quickly hump those latex gloves before she screams and you get sent to an ENTIRELY different section of the hospital and given some funky pills.

Probably the post plausible of all the options for getting someone to touch your dick.


This sig is my identity -what was I thinking getting rid of it??
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Swag-in-a-Bag
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 30th, 2012 @ 11:22 PM Reply

I just recently came across tius site called Upforit or some shit with local people who wanna fack. Sounds good
People are funny


Believe what thou Wilt

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Emma
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 01:31 AM Reply

At 12/30/12 11:23 PM, hiddeninthecrowd wrote: 77% of men have dick sizes that are below average!

0% of men have large enough dicks.


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TheColourAwesome
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 01:39 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 01:31 AM, EmmaVolt wrote:
At 12/30/12 11:23 PM, hiddeninthecrowd wrote: 77% of men have dick sizes that are below average!
0% of men have large enough dicks.

Because you're so loose.


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Emma
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 01:43 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 01:39 AM, TheColourAwesome wrote:
At 12/31/12 01:31 AM, EmmaVolt wrote:
At 12/30/12 11:23 PM, hiddeninthecrowd wrote: 77% of men have dick sizes that are below average!
0% of men have large enough dicks.
Because you're so loose.

Let's not use T-pipes next time please.


Join The Bat Crew. Be a superhero. Get a cool sig.

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SpaceWhale
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 02:02 AM Reply

At 12/30/12 11:06 PM, Metal-Therapy wrote: How has the thought of jizzing on my own face never crossed my mind? Thank you Newgrounds BBS. I knew I was here for a reason.

Everyone does it. It's like a rite-of-passage sort of thing, where boys turn into men by cumming on their own face.


Can you feel it mister Krabs?

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CloseThyDoor
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 09:06 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 02:02 AM, SpaceWhale wrote:
At 12/30/12 11:06 PM, Metal-Therapy wrote: How has the thought of jizzing on my own face never crossed my mind? Thank you Newgrounds BBS. I knew I was here for a reason.
Everyone does it. It's like a rite-of-passage sort of thing, where boys turn into men by cumming on their own face.

apparently i qualify as alpha male

Ragnarokia
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 09:09 AM Reply

At 12/30/12 09:22 PM, CloseThyDoor wrote: Option 3:
I've actually considered this one. Finding a gay guy online and telling him to dress as a female and cover his cock. You basically banged a chick.

Because the guy would have no self respect and allow it.


When this post hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious friendship.
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Confucianism
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 09:10 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 09:06 AM, CloseThyDoor wrote: apparently i qualify as alpha male

In your own mind mate. And that's all that matters.


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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 09:11 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 09:09 AM, Ragnarokia wrote: Because the guy would have no self respect and allow it.

Some wouldn't. Unfortunately.


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SharkStein
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 11:40 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 09:11 AM, Confucianism wrote:
At 12/31/12 09:09 AM, Ragnarokia wrote: Easiest Ways to Get Sex?

Make a thread about it on an internet forum! Chicks dig that.

Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up)


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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 11:59 AM Reply

At 12/31/12 11:40 AM, SharkStein wrote: Make a thread about it on an internet forum! Chicks dig that.

Excuse me?


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kakalxlax
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 12:56 PM Reply

chloroform + rag = my dick is glad


Its only rape if you say no.

Say no to rape.

elcriz000
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 04:23 PM Reply

...or you could just actually go outside and actually talk to girls without siting in your room alone all day.


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Iron woman is a command

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Dev
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 04:33 PM Reply

At 12/31/12 02:02 AM, SpaceWhale wrote:
At 12/30/12 11:06 PM, Metal-Therapy wrote: How has the thought of jizzing on my own face never crossed my mind? Thank you Newgrounds BBS. I knew I was here for a reason.
Everyone does it. It's like a rite-of-passage sort of thing, where boys turn into men by cumming on their own face.

Think I might try it tonight while playing Lion King's "Circle of Life" in the background. I will be a mere boy no longer...


This sig is my identity -what was I thinking getting rid of it??
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Response to Easiest Ways to Get Sex (18 and up) Dec. 31st, 2012 @ 05:35 PM Reply

If you're a guy:

Post nude pics of yourself on a gay dating/sex website.

Wait for the old men to respond.

????

Profit.