This is how to get laid if you're having trouble and/or desperately need to lose your virginity.
Option 1: You meet some chick online. You ask her to put her phone on vibrate. You put your penis on your phone (sorry i phone touch users), and you dial her while simultaneously humping your phone.
you have successfully e-fingered her and e-banged her.
Option 2: (not recommend)
You wrap a blood pressure band around your penis and it will be exactly like getting a blowjob from a toothless cannibal who has a case of severe dry mouth and wants to take swallow to a literally level.
I've actually considered this one. Finding a gay guy online and telling him to dress as a female and cover his cock. You basically banged a chick.
Find a willing female participant of legal age on webcam and basically jack off and splurge on your cam. You will have given her an e-facial.
What to do if the above doesn't work-
So you feel left out still being a virgin? Okay there's still some hope.
Option 5: If you wear a wig, and you suck your dick, you basically got a bj from a chick. obviously not everyone can do this so just suspend yourself upside down and give yourself a facial with the wig on.
Option 6: Still not satisfied? Maybe it's time to receive. Just find a gay guy and tell him you want to lose your virginity so badly, you will risk hemerroids.
What doesn't work-
# literally crying in the street and holding a cardboard sign with your age saying you need to lose your virginity to a female as fast as possible to move on psychologically. You can technically place your dick in a money jar and it would still be considered clothing. If your lucky a passer by will roll down their window and give it a quick squeeze.
# Attaching a bicycle pump to your penis in order to get a blow job.
# Going to a female nurse and complaing of lower shaft pain. And then when she touches your penis you quickly hump those latex gloves before she screams and you get sent to an ENTIRELY different section of the hospital and given some funky pills.