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Is it better to be truthful or kind

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Suprememessage
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Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 21:30:35 Reply

Should you make something up to make someone you're talking to happy, or is it better to tell them the truth, despite the consequences that it would imply, or whether the person would be offended.

I personally think being honest is better, don't lead someone on, because that will hurt them for much longer than any act of insensitivity. How about you, NGers?

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 21:34:02 Reply

neither is better

doing what you want is the best


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 21:35:04 Reply

depends really.

how will this affect their life?

I would be kind and lie if I know its going to affect the person or others in a negative way

but I would tell the truth if I know all that will happen is the person would be dissapointed or hate me/someone.

BUT fuck it, im always lieing and im really shit at it so I never win.


my love of material goods is far greater than my love of food

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 21:42:07 Reply

Obviously truth is better than kindness, but kindness is important.

Except on NG. Fuck you.

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Conal
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 21:58:37 Reply

Depends on what they want.

I'd be disgusted if my friends lied to protect me. I took the oaf of knowing. I want people to respect that I chose to know.

Some people just want to close their ears, but I want the truth.

I was once asked "Would you rather be right or happy?" I said "Right. Being right makes me happy." It's a question of integrity.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 22:02:04 Reply

If it's something that they can change, then it's better to be truthful because they'll be able to change it and probably end up happier. If they can't change it letting them know is just pointless and mean.

Short example: If someone asks if their clothes are ugly, be honest. If someone asks if their face is ugly, be kind.

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 22:11:39 Reply

Is it cruel or kind not to speak my mind,
and to lie to you rather than hurt you?
Well I'll confess all of of my sins
after several large gins
but still I'll hide from you,
hide what's inside from you.


Pretend not to care about anything, but be bothered by everything.
You may be fast on the roads but it's no use on the track.
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satanbrain
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 22:40:38 Reply

I value genuineness over kindliness. The truth is superior.


(הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים אָמַר קֹהֶלֶת, הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים הַכֹּל הָבֶל. דּוֹר הֹלֵךְ וְדוֹר בָּא, וְהָאָרֶץ לְעוֹלָם עֹמָדֶת. (קהלת א ג, ה

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 22:44:07 Reply

Fuck honesty. I'd rather someone lie to me and be nice rather than shove the painful truth down my throat. Sometimes there's no real point in knowing the truth.

InsertFunnyUserName
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 22:53:48 Reply

It depends on whether they're asking for your opinion. For instance, if they just show you art that sucks dick, it's better to be kind but if they ask for your opinion on their art that sucks dick then it's better to be truthful (though telling them it sucks dick instead of giving constructive criticism is generally unwise. If you are telling the truth, then it's best to phrase like it's the truth instead of an insult). Unsolicited criticism is generally unproductive, as the person will usually just disregard you as an asshole and refuse to consider your criticism due to viewing it as an insult. If the person isn't looking to accept the truth, then telling them the truth isn't going to change anything.


[quote]

whoa art what

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 23:03:32 Reply

the social dilemma that millions of people have to face daily

Usually, I am a pretty straight up guy to people, and i'm fairly good at recognizing when people are lying to my face. But there are situations where i felt that lying was indeed the better option with less consequences to face in the end.

DM692
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-21 23:23:19 Reply

Personally, I tend to be brutally honest in quite a few cases and I wish I could avoid it. A lot of the time someone will ask me something, I'll reply instantly with the truth because it's the first thing that comes to mind and I usually don't censor myself if the situation doesn't require it.

A recent situation was that me and 2 friends were leaving school to hang out at A's house. B is away, and his girlfriend (C) asks if we mind her coming along. Since we're going to A's house, he replies, "No, come if you wanna". Being the unthinking asshole I sometimes am, I immediately said, "Alright, I'm just gonna stay here then". C asks "Awww, why?".

At this point, I noticed A was looking at me kind of funny, but, ever persistent on making an ass of myself, I said "Because you annoy the shit out of me" without skipping a beat. She suddenly looked incredibly dejected, and I felt like shit because I said it because I was in a shitty mood more than anything. B was understandably pissed at me, and I learned my lesson.

If you're interested we've patched shit up since then and all is well between everyone

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 02:51:54 Reply

Just tell them the truth in a positive way you fucking idiot.

And you have that Fluttershy avatar. You go around like that and you're gonna make us Fluttershy fans be attacked by stereotypes.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 02:54:32 Reply

"You're ugly, and I mean it."

Answer: kind
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 03:59:20 Reply

At 12/22/12 03:38 AM, Ma1achi wrote: Telling people what they want to hear is not being kind, that's not the right word at all. Your just going along with their bullshit which I cannot respect unless you really have to for your sake. Sometimes when your truthful you do not come off as nice, that's why they say 'the truth hurts'.

The truth hurts, but it will set you free. If you keep telling yourself things are okay it'll take someone to give you a reality check to show you how bad you may have let things get and it's the only way people can learn to fix shit for themselves.

So yeah this question can't be answered unless it's further defined, in some cases the truth is paramount, in others it may be best to save the feelings of people where the truth doesn't matter, assuming the truth would hurt them.

Think for yourself, and don't act like being always truthful no matter what is the ultimate moral high-ground here, social interaction varies a hell of a lot.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 04:17:34 Reply

At 12/21/12 09:58 PM, Conal wrote: I took the oaf of knowing. I want people to respect that I chose to know.

It's spelled 'oath', not 'oaf'.
/respect


I go to school to study how high frequency sound waves can heal, ...or KILL.

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 04:21:54 Reply

If it's to be critical, and I don't want to risk discouraging them, kind.
If it's to be critical, and I want them to improve, truthful.
If it's a matter of business, and I want to continue doing business with higher-ups of the chain of command, kindly-truthful.
If it's a matter of business, and I want to thrive doing business with subordinates, truthfully-kind.

It's really situational, it completely depends on the circumstance. The best thing you can do is to constantly adopt a combination of both at all times...but having enough common sense to know when to go full-out in either direction.

"Daddy, how does my drawing look?" (full-kind)
"You've known her and I have been together for ten years, you were THERE at our wedding! Is my wife cheating on me?" (full-truth)


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 04:36:48 Reply

One cannot kindly speak the truth and always expect it back so
whichever hurts the most as result of caring, bears hearing i guess


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 04:47:26 Reply

At 12/21/12 09:30 PM, Suprememessage wrote: Should you make something up to make someone you're talking to happy, or is it better to tell them the truth, despite the consequences that it would imply, or whether the person would be offended.

personally, i would not mind if a person tells me the truth even though i may not like it, whether at school, at work or other places. hearing negative feedbacks from people around me gives me the chance to identify the problems that i have and allows me to improve on them.

i will be more offended if i find out later that a person has been lying to me all the time just to please me. i mean, i am not a kid anymore and i don't want to be treated like one.


I am just a random user from a set of measure zero and thus am negligible.

BanglaBoy96
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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 06:50:38 Reply

try counter balancing it :)


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 12:02:20 Reply

I lean towards being a very honest person... Which is why I don't have many friends, but why the people that stick around tend to be close to me. In my opinion, it's almost always better to be honest. If you just tell a white lie, people will eventually find out anyway and in the end it causes more harm than good.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 12:05:29 Reply

Honest is better, but they aren't mutually exclusive.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 12:16:52 Reply

Your topic title is "truthful or kind" but now you ask "Lie or truth" lol.

Sometimes being kind is lying or letting things go. People SUCK at handling truth and confrontation. Don't ever believe anyone that says " I really like honesty". That person is most likely lying.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 12:30:53 Reply

At 12/22/12 12:16 PM, poxpower wrote: Your topic title is "truthful or kind" but now you ask "Lie or truth" lol.

Sometimes being kind is lying or letting things go. People SUCK at handling truth and confrontation. Don't ever believe anyone that says " I really like honesty". That person is most likely lying.

Lying is impure. If a person lies you should retribute by telling the truth.


(הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים אָמַר קֹהֶלֶת, הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים הַכֹּל הָבֶל. דּוֹר הֹלֵךְ וְדוֹר בָּא, וְהָאָרֶץ לְעוֹלָם עֹמָדֶת. (קהלת א ג, ה

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 15:57:24 Reply

Well, with everything, it depends on the person and the context.

You can deliver the truth about something without being a total asshole about it, and I'm sure lying to make someone feel good is an asshole move in some occasions.

For instance:

"How did you like my guitar solo?"
"It wasn't great, man. What happened?"

Instead of:

"How did you like my guitar solo?"
"Oh, is that what it was? I thought that was your impression of a bat orgy being sprayed with acid."

If I asked someone about my skills, such as cooking, singing, etc. I would always want the truth.

It would feel shitty, of course, but at least then I would strive to get better at it.

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 16:03:05 Reply

I agree with you OP. Be truthful when possible, but also be honest, even if it hurts. Being nice 100% of the time gets nobody anywhere if its deceiving.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 16:56:35 Reply

Being both would of course be ideal, but in case you get in a situation where you have to choose:

I suppose honesty is always best in the end, but I think if you insist on being truthful, do so with a bit of subtlety, tact and nuance and avoid saying nasty things to someone when it's uncalled for. It's just what makes the difference between being an honest person and being an asshole.


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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 21:22:32 Reply

At 12/22/12 02:51 AM, EDDDDDDDDD wrote: Just tell them the truth in a positive way you fucking idiot.

And you have that Fluttershy avatar. You go around like that and you're gonna make us Fluttershy fans be attacked by stereotypes.

I'm not an idiot, and why insult me? That's quite rude to personally attack me.

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 22:32:58 Reply

Be truthful, but also be aware about the consequences to the other person.

An extreme example is if somebody's friend has just died and you go up to them and tell them they've got a shit haircut (lol). But the point is that people aren't always as good at accepting the truth as you are (especially in particular areas), so you've got to be gentle and patient sometimes.

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Response to Is it better to be truthful or kind 2012-12-22 23:34:30 Reply

You can do both. You can tell people bad news in the best way possible, and just don't be an outright dick in name of the truth. On the other hand I would rather people come out and tell me the truth than blatantly lie to spare my feelings.


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