this is a mindfuck. So, I consider myself to be a rather educated and well versed individual. Before I try something new(whether it be a drug or not) I do the best I can to understand what I'm getting into. I've had a long and fruitful relationship with Mary J and I wanted to expand my horizons. After a few weeks of research, I decided that I wanted to experience LSD. However, this is not about my trip so much as it is my experience with the drug itself.
Long story short, I thoroughly enjoyed my trip and feel as if I know myself that much better for having experienced it, however I feel that this is a privilege not all of us are equipped to handle.
Saturday night around 6PM myself, and four of my closer mates dropped some rather potent acid. We took three hits each and come to find out, I was really the only one who truly knew what we were putting into our bodies. "Ooo a hard hallucinogenic drug, lets see faces on walls for a few hours" seemed to be the general consensus, and although I warned them, who am I to tell others what to do with their own minds?
So about 3 hours into the trip I began to notice one of my mates losing it alittle. He was sitting in a corner by himself being very quiet staring into the floor, this is very like him however, so no one else thought anything of it. I pulled one of the two sober trip sitters we had with us aside and warned him that I thought our friend was about to have a very bad trip, and that I just had a feeling he wasn't going to be ok tonight.
About an hour later, he began to get bad. He started repeating certain phrases such as "it's alright man" over and over mindlessly wandering around the house, attempting to casually walk out doors and even windows. I watched him closely and not very long after he started to really lose it. He really wanted out of the house and away from us, but it really wasn't him. No matter how hard we tried we couldn't communicate with him, it was like talking to a wall or someone who doesn't understand our language. This is when the others began to become concerned. We tried our best to calm him but as things escalated he began to have violent outbursts, taking off his clothes and trying with a deep rage to run from us. It came to the point that we had to restrain him to the couch as he was clawing and biting, we tried to be friendly and tell him we loved him but nothing was getting through. At the appex of these events, we lost grip on him and he sprinted down a narrow hall way running directly into a glass cabinet with thousands of dollars of crystal and glass collectibles in it, shattering it and cutting himself.
After this, it became apparent it was going to be a long night, and this is also when he truly took a turn for the worst. He turned from being violent and physical into a pathetic, dribbling, nonsensical mental mess. He truly believed he was dying. He couldn't stop going on and on about "what direction?", "accciiciciiiiidddd", and "im bleeding, there's blood everywhere". He let things out of the deepest darkest places of his mind that none of us should of ever heard. I watched as one of my closest mates completely and utterly tore down the foundations of his mind and soul in a seemingly endless torrent of suffering. I have never been more terrified in my entire life. Later the next day he, although still not all together, tried to explain to us what he was experiencing. Those of us in the room were his family and instead of trying to comfort him we were yelling at him and telling him he was a fuck up and we wanted him to die. For hours and hours he was stuck in this loop of pain and suffering.
As I'm sure you all get the point by now, this is my problem. I know people have bad trips, but this was unlike anything I've ever heard of. While I really enjoyed the eye opening experience LSD offered me personally, simply seeing what it can bring out in a more vulnerable mind scares the hell out of me. I'm torn between a deep respect for it, and a deep hatred. I don't know whether to shun it or embrace it. I saw it as a tool handed to me to more deeply explore my mind, but I saw it in others as a key simply used to unlock the deepest, darkest places of one's mind.