A Poem In Dire Need Of Feedback

[Athlas]

A room with a window still

The mirror sea of glass and tears
which reflects our hopes and
our one great fear
of having
none at all

Thoughts meander by.
our one true self -
the book we wish to read
- yet skip ahead,
and find again
the blank pages
and the ink trail Man can peer into the night
of our paper ships but cannot shun her beckoning glow
that sail the mirror sea - those million eyes return the gaze
with all the light a darkness holds
chapters billow past,
and leafs drift by our feet are soaked.
on eerie wind The floor is flood
though some are left and the stain on the ceiling
unturned may be god.

so gallivant so I sail to sea
on paper planes and see to sail
reminding us to surf and rock,
of different days the boat that drifts
of dreams bereft wanderlessly aiming
and musings past at our one true self
that slumber warm within basking
the child unkempt in the twilight gleam
the child unscathe of doubt self-assured
the novel god
that soars aloft we stumble through
on paper wings the window still
alone and pause.

For those whose hearts for tea,
are light as rain and smokes
will bear the being
smiling. You hear a sound.

Seagulls perhaps,
The sun hasn't moved in days. but silence more likely.
I look up
Let's go to France, I said
Paris seems so far away

Now the question remains
whether I can afford to love
and complain, to crumble
and climb, to fall and wonder
to live, to mind, to cherish
to be !

no more.

[Athlas]

Hm, the forum's writing pad keeps juggling the form around, turning into a heap of nonsense. You may ignore this thread or, if you please, delete it.

Thank you.

[Kofra]

My mother tongue isn't english, so I can't feel piles of emotions reading something . But I read it all, and seems a very sentimental poem. Some lines have heart, know? I can feel this poem. Well, after you reading 5 tons of gramatical errors, here is the irony: I found some misspelled words. Basic things like one letter or two.

[Nickisabi]

Not concerning grammar, your poem seemed very personal. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I assume you attempted a good rhyme scheme that I also enjoyed. Great work. In fact, would you PM me some poetry?