Political Jokes!

[RyanAnayaMv]

Got a joke related to politics? Post it here!

Why did Obama win the election?
Because the Republicans had to come home from their jobs.

How can you tell Obama is lying?
His mouth is moving.

[leanlifter1]

Voting.

[Camarohusky]

Anything leanlifter has ever said here.

[leanlifter1]

At 11/12/12 07:44 PM, Camarohusky wrote: Anything leanlifter has ever said here.

Your like a lobbyist only you are not getting payed to troll which is quite sad.

[stafffighter]

Let's not make this into a flame war. Political humor is a thing. If you can do that by all means. But if this is just going to be "knock knock, the people on the other side are bad" it's a fight we don't need.

[leanlifter1]

At 11/12/12 07:51 PM, stafffighter wrote: Let's not make this into a flame war. Political humor is a thing. If you can do that by all means. But if this is just going to be "knock knock, the people on the other side are bad" it's a fight we don't need.

"Sorry but you are absolutely correct" see the double meaning here LOL.

[morefngdbs]

IF a Republican & a Democrat ( Conservative & Liberal for any Canadians) were drowning in a pool.....

Would you read the morning paper , or go to lunch ?

[BoredLooney]

a guy goes to a Spanish restaurant and asks for soup.

He spits it out and says it tastes terrible.

He asks to see the chef.

They have an argument about whether rat poison should be mixed in with the cheese soup.

Thirty minutes later the congressman was not arrested for food poisoning and the customer gets the adequate-quality soup he always gets.

[Warforger]

Marion Barry. 3 Term mayor of DC, 1st leader of the Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, a prominent civil rights group in the 60's, and notorious crackhead. In his 2nd term he got caught doing cocaine and went to jail. After he was released he got back into politics and was re-elected to a 3rd term, which was so horrible that Congress took most of the power away from the mayor of DC to the point that it was a mere honorary title and gave it to themselves. He's currently serving as a city representative and has gone on to other gaffe's and embarrassments, like getting arrested for not paying his taxes for 9 out of the 10 previous years, or getting arrested for stalking one of his former girlfriends.

On a better not, I was working on my front yard one day and an 8 girl who was walking by with her parents and she came by and told me her views. She said that when she grows up she will become a politician and give money to the poor and give them shelter. This made her parents proud. I told her that if she mows my lawn, trims my bushes and washes my car I will pay her 40$ which she could then go over to a homeless guy and give to him. She thought about this for awhile and then replied "Why doesn't the homeless guy just come over and do the work instead and you pay him for it?" and then I replied "Welcome to the Republican party".

I didn't actually say that it was someone else on the internet.

[Ericho]

A bunch of surgeons are talking about who the favorite kind of person to operate on is. (I forget what the other say). The last one says he likes to operate on politicians because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and their head and ass are interchangeable.

[Dawnslayer]

PSA's.

They're their own punchline.

[Camarohusky]

At 11/13/12 09:12 PM, Dawnslayer wrote: PSA's.

They're their own punchline.

Well, now I know.
And knowing is half the battle.

GI JOE.

[leanlifter1]

The US upped the minimum weight to be consider Obese today from 300lb to 700lb as to not offend everyone in that country and to make the fattest country on the planet feel a little more normal !

[Camarohusky]

I saw a funny (somewhat) bumper sticker yesterday.

Voting is like driving:
Pick "R" to go backward;
Pick "D" to go forward.

[morefngdbs]

Anyone ever hear the one, about the group of honest politicians ?

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No, Neither have I

[Revo357912]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

[theJRob]

So I heard that Lewinsky got Clinton an antique cigar holder - and it enhances the flavor too!

[Ceratisa]

Eh around election time one was

How do you tell the difference between Obama supporters and the Romney supporters? Romney Supporters sign the check on the front, Obama supporters sign the check on the back.

[Korriken]

What's the difference between a hot air balloon and a politician?

one is a sack of hot air hoisting a platform with no control over direction that is operated by someone pulling a string

the other is a hot air balloon.

[Breathe-0ut]

If I were to put the Soviet, Islamic, or any other U.S. anti-"nationalist" flag on top of the white house, I'd kill every single stereyotype and elder in the counter of heart attacks.

[Kwing]

What's the best way to run a prosperous state with relative equality, power to the people, and even distribution of wealth?
Kill everyone.

It's funny because it's true.

[Feoric]

This isn't really a joke per se, but that's why it's funny.

I Walked on the Sidewalk