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Mwc12:October: Discussion

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Labraxadores
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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-05 14:55:40 Reply

I'm not sure how much of Thompson's work you've read but the story seems inspired by gonzo. Your structure tries to invoke a sense of motion and imagery, but as far as any unifying factors, I can't see any. The story is very thin and passes by too quickly to make any sort of impression. It does, however, have a very poetic nature. If you worked toward infusing more prosodic elements, this would make a pretty decent poem. What impressed me the most, I think is the circular structure used. I'm not used to seeing new faces able to use that type of technique without losing the reader.
Point being, you need to choose which side of the fence you're on and shape your approach to fit it.

Yeah, the character was inspired by Gonzo.

The story was really, really rushed. I'm currently working on another one with the same characters, The Lady In Red.

I may be a new face, but this isn't the first thing I write. Horror is rather new for me, though.

There's a lot of grammatical errors here and there and "lotsa" is not a word. It was slightly interesting, but I felt the story was cut too short.
What I *did* really like about the story however, was how you put the ending at the very beginning, but how at the start it seems like just some poetic jargon, but is actually a perfectly reasonable ending to the story. I felt that was well played. But aside from that, you need to work on your main story telling more.

Lotsa is lotsa used in the States. I know it's not a word, but hey, realism first.

Glad you noticed. I planned to have more "reverse flashbacks" in the story, but, well, it was cutted down to about 1/20 of the original size.

My first concern with this one are the numerous grammar and spelling errors. I'm not sure if that was intentional or just poor editing. The poem at the beginning is somewhat confusing and I'm not sure if it's related to the last line of the story. In any case there really isn't a strong plot here. So much happens and many details are given that seem to have little importance to the story as a whole. If you're gonna go for something really short, you have to make everything count. I did find the main character's sense of humor somewhat entertaining though.

These type of errors are, like, the bane of my (writing) existence. Despite getting good grades and talking in perfect english, I still manage to make lots of typos while writing novels/ stories.


Some may never live, but the crazy never die.
- Hunter S. Thompson

DeftAndEvil
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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-05 20:21:20 Reply

Most (I think all, including mine) of the stories suffered from lack of development and narrative structure. A lot of them had great writing and strong language, but I felt no one capitalized on it.

MWC'12 October: Horrorween

1. XXxFIRELORDzXz: "DAKOTA"

Very weak and undeveloped. Lacking in almost all areas with ineffective narration. The entire story is told to the readerâEU¦

2. Celx-Requin: "Petite Mort"

Very strong, descriptive, cringe-worthy language (compliment). Suffers from undeveloped narrative structure and pacing issues. Little characterization and plot .

3. nbomb: "Forsaken hopes: The City of the Dead"

Development, development, development. Too short and undeveloped to the point where it lacks any literary merit.

4. jennaskook: "White Doves"

A lot of imagery and colorful language. Unfortunately there is very little action and pacing to advance the plot. Nothing too bad, or good.

5. HiryuGouki: "The House that Belongs to Him"
Score: 5

I'm not a fan of creepy pasta. That being said, there are no complaints on my end. It's unnerving at times but mostly it is silly and even inane. Consistent in its mediocre quality, but I think that's a result of creepy pasta as a genre.

6. depes7448: Untitled

Very strong language, and very descriptive. But, it is never put to use. What's the point of everything? There is a dark atmosphere throughout, with a feeling of helplessness, but you never capitalize on the tension or suspense. This is called torture porn, I think. Porn can be artistic, but I've never seen one that was. Ha ha?

7. RapeMuffin: Untitled

Easily the most "finished" and presentable of the entries. However, it is horribly cliched. I don't consider myself a huge fan of zombie narratives, but I've seen everything here; it's very "28 Days Later" and "I Am Legend." I've always been a stalwart against cliches, so I am being a little unfair, but the rest comes down to the rest of the narrative, which I felt I had to dig to find. There is an attempt at a romance, but it is never explained, other than they are both researchers (I am a fan of refrains, and "Honey..." worked quite well). I feel that too much time was divvied towards the exposition/flashback, and the rest of the narrative feels incomplete, despite the pretty solid description and action.

8. starwarsjunkie: Untitled

Again, a lot of good description and imagery. Also, a very creative depiction of the Reaper. Again, not much capitalization. It's not really my cup of tea, so it felt like it was dragging on; I felt like the Reaper was lecturing Oswyn. Does he really have time to explain all of that to Oswyn? Also, I think he made the Reaper too badass and overplayed the fatalistic thematic idea, because it doesn't leave any more room for plot to advance. Other than that, super solid throughout.

9. Labaraxadores: "Long live the Klan!"

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that the lack of development was because of time factors. I think you know what you need to work on.

10. 4urentertainment: "Kitty"

Again, solid throughout. Very nice description and good pacing. I thought this story had the most suspense, but I felt the ending was too abrupt, like part 2 was going to follow immediately. So, I felt like not all of the suspense was cashed in at the end; I think because the narration is too casual. Also, where did he run? Was it not completely dark?

11. Zombie445: "Ornithophobia"

Why did I enjoy this story so much? Too much clumsy dialogue that really interrupted the narrative, as well as too much telling. The plot doesn't really make sense but I liked the absurdity. I did not like the characters; they felt too one-dimensional, although they were pretty funny. Part 3, I thought, was pretty damn good. If only the entire story was written like that.

12. Roxxar: "Untitled"

Again, I will give him the benefit of the doubt regarding the word count as to why this story was so haphazard. The three main problems are narrative structure, presentation, and plot. You have to give reasons for the plot to continue. You have the MacGuffin, I guess (cop+case) but there was no exposition or development. Then again, you have to deal with characterization and conflict, but again, I will give the benefit of the doubt. Also, the part when that guy's chest exploded was so crazy! If you could have made it significant, that would have been sweet.


Despite the name, I'm actually good--Deft, and good!

Giving out reviews to anyone who wants them (exception: poems. I'll find you).

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Roxxar
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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-05 22:54:29 Reply

At 11/5/12 08:21 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote: 12. Roxxar: "Untitled"

Again, I will give him the benefit of the doubt regarding the word count as to why this story was so haphazard. The three main problems are narrative structure, presentation, and plot. You have to give reasons for the plot to continue. You have the MacGuffin, I guess (cop+case) but there was no exposition or development. Then again, you have to deal with characterization and conflict, but again, I will give the benefit of the doubt. Also, the part when that guy's chest exploded was so crazy! If you could have made it significant, that would have been sweet.

Yeah, I was gonna make a big plot twist at the end(which I've obviously failed to do) with all the victims, but it didn't fit into my misunderstood 7000 character count so it got jacked up. BAD.

With all this experience and opinions now, I feel I can make a better story. Thanks.


Hola don't copy this signature plz thx

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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-05 23:48:50 Reply

At 11/5/12 08:21 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote:
8. starwarsjunkie: Untitled

Again, a lot of good description and imagery. Also, a very creative depiction of the Reaper. Again, not much capitalization. It's not really my cup of tea, so it felt like it was dragging on; I felt like the Reaper was lecturing Oswyn. Does he really have time to explain all of that to Oswyn? Also, I think he made the Reaper too badass and overplayed the fatalistic thematic idea, because it doesn't leave any more room for plot to advance. Other than that, super solid throughout.

When I was about halfway through writing this I realized: "Oh shit, how is he going to be able to sit around talking to one guy when literally hundreds of people are dying every second?" Then I remembered that I had already made him into a 4-dimensional creature, so I figured he had all the time he wanted.

I added the one line at the end just because without it I thought that it really was too fatalistic. There were two ideas at war in my mind: 1. The Reaper is unbeatable. I hate it when supposedly immortal beings get killed by the hero (See the video game Dante's Inferno, God of War, any children's movie) because then they weren't really that special were they? 2. If there really is no way for Oswyn to fight it, what's the point? So that last line was my compromise. As long as I don't actually write a sequel I don't have to explain how Oswyn could ever hope to fight the Reaper.

So sorry, 4ur, I guess there'll be no happy ending.
:(


Grungy Mech action in 1940s Russia! Read Iron and Ice!

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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-06 11:15:27 Reply

At 11/5/12 08:21 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote: 7. RapeMuffin: Untitled

Easily the most "finished" and presentable of the entries. However, it is horribly cliched. I don't consider myself a huge fan of zombie narratives, but I've seen everything here; it's very "28 Days Later" and "I Am Legend." I've always been a stalwart against cliches, so I am being a little unfair, but the rest comes down to the rest of the narrative, which I felt I had to dig to find. There is an attempt at a romance, but it is never explained, other than they are both researchers (I am a fan of refrains, and "Honey..." worked quite well). I feel that too much time was divvied towards the exposition/flashback, and the rest of the narrative feels incomplete, despite the pretty solid description and action.

I'm disappointed that you didn't enjoy the story. Now that you mention it, my story is way too similar to "I Am Legend", with the scientist living in a zombie-filled world trying to find a cure. It obviously wasn't my intention to copy the story, but in hindsight it seems rather clear that it influenced me in some way. Now I'm disappointed in my unoriginality :/

Also, you mentioned a lack of narrative in everyone's stories - may I ask what specifically you are looking for as to narrative?


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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-06 12:07:06 Reply

At 11/6/12 11:15 AM, RapeMuffin wrote:

I'm disappointed that you didn't enjoy the story. Now that you mention it, my story is way too similar to "I Am Legend", with the scientist living in a zombie-filled world trying to find a cure. It obviously wasn't my intention to copy the story, but in hindsight it seems rather clear that it influenced me in some way. Now I'm disappointed in my unoriginality :/

Also, you mentioned a lack of narrative in everyone's stories - may I ask what specifically you are looking for as to narrative?

A narrative is just another word for story, pretty much; no one lacked story, so no one lacked narrative. A narrative has certain elements (plot, setting, character etc.) which "develop" the narrative, so it is strong, effectual, and most important (imo) a pleasure to read. Without a strong plot (I don't mind if you don't have the "expo-rising action-climax- falling action-denouement" but I do recommend every story having a clear beginning-middle-end) it's difficult to make the story strong (duh) or interesting. Without narrative structure (I generally meant plot and conflict for this one), it is impossible to develop the narrative. Without good characters, it's hard to make me care, and also difficult to move the plot, etc. And then there's theme and style; the theme was horror, so the stories had to have a lot of suspense and tension (from conflict and plot etc.).

There wasn't a story (like I said, including mine) that had solid aspects in all of these categories. All of the stories could have used much more development to make them stronger. What that development is, exactly, I can't say, or my story would have been the best short story of all time.


Despite the name, I'm actually good--Deft, and good!

Giving out reviews to anyone who wants them (exception: poems. I'll find you).

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RapeMuffin
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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-06 14:38:13 Reply

At 11/6/12 12:07 PM, DeftAndEvil wrote:
At 11/6/12 11:15 AM, RapeMuffin wrote:

I'm disappointed that you didn't enjoy the story. Now that you mention it, my story is way too similar to "I Am Legend", with the scientist living in a zombie-filled world trying to find a cure. It obviously wasn't my intention to copy the story, but in hindsight it seems rather clear that it influenced me in some way. Now I'm disappointed in my unoriginality :/

Also, you mentioned a lack of narrative in everyone's stories - may I ask what specifically you are looking for as to narrative?
A narrative is just another word for story, pretty much; no one lacked story, so no one lacked narrative. A narrative has certain elements (plot, setting, character etc.) which "develop" the narrative, so it is strong, effectual, and most important (imo) a pleasure to read. Without a strong plot (I don't mind if you don't have the "expo-rising action-climax- falling action-denouement" but I do recommend every story having a clear beginning-middle-end) it's difficult to make the story strong (duh) or interesting. Without narrative structure (I generally meant plot and conflict for this one), it is impossible to develop the narrative. Without good characters, it's hard to make me care, and also difficult to move the plot, etc. And then there's theme and style; the theme was horror, so the stories had to have a lot of suspense and tension (from conflict and plot etc.).

There wasn't a story (like I said, including mine) that had solid aspects in all of these categories. All of the stories could have used much more development to make them stronger. What that development is, exactly, I can't say, or my story would have been the best short story of all time.

Ah ok - I understand what you mean. My submission was definitely more of a snapshot than a story, and I agree that I could have/should have focused more on developing the husband/wife and less on the origin of the virus. To be honest, I think I just had more fun writing about the history of the virus than writing about the wife :P. Also, I think I mentioned above that I originally had some more discussion of the husband and wife interacting, but cut it out due to my fears of making the story too lengthy.

Anyway, thank you for the feedback!


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Response to Mwc12:October: Discussion 2012-11-11 01:06:20 Reply

Just to keep everyone updated, all the judges have finished their reviews and scores, and we're waiting on Ekublai, the final judge, who should be done soon.

Sooo stay tuned!