Heads up! Reviews ahead!
Also there are massive spoilers for most of the stories below, so if you're planning on reading any. DON'T READ AHEAD.
Dakota by zXzFIRELORDzXz:
It's pretty short, and it really feels more like a script than a story. At the end you even say "and the next scene shows.." you should never really say anything like that unless you're writing a play or a script of some sort, because it really takes away from the immersion of the experience.
Like I don't want to be reminded that I'm reading a story, I want to FEEL like I'm there with the characters.
I also really feel everything was a bit forced. Like you never really leave anything up to the reader to think about or ponder. Like the time when she mysteriously finds herself killing people, and JUST as I began to wonder you offered the explanation in the same sentence.
It does remind me of the stuff I used to write when I first started writing creative fiction, sooo just keep writing! You'll get better.
Petite Mort by Celx-Requin:
I think it's a nice story. And I even learned some new vocabulary! I noticed a few things though. You had some minor grammatical errors that would have been cleared with some more profreading, but what ticked me a bit was the way you pause in sentences. For example:
a feeling so overwhelming that while he proceeded to eat it made him nauseous. [I feel there should be a comma after "eat"]
Surely they would think he was insane, and suicidal he thought. [the comma should be removed and put after suicidal]
I also didn't really connect with the protagonist. I think if you had given him a name, and sort of made it more personal it would have made the story more engaging.
Forsaken hopes: The City of the Dead by nbomb:
It wasn't a bad story, but I think it's pretty short. Everything also happens too quickly. Taking the time to describe a scene before jumping in it is really important to get the reader to feel like he's there. Like how a lot of writers could describe a single moment in hundreds of words. Describe what the zombie looked like, describe how it smelled, describe how you FELT as you saw it etc..
White Doves by jennaskook
My first reaction was that this was too short, but after reading it, I think it's just the right length! I really like how poetic this story is. And I can't help but think that it's all a metaphor for something greater, although I can't put my finger on it. It's rather well written though, so kudos on that! (And I really would like to know how it's supposed to be interpreted :P)
The House that Belongs to Him by HiryuGouki
First of all, I really wish you would have just posted your story in the forum thread like everyone else, but moving on.
Ok so I read both parts of the story (and since wattpad apparently doesn't let you copy stories, I couldn't tell how many words the entire story was). It could be just me, but the way you address the reader directly really only serves to break the immersion and remind me that I'm just reading a story.
I also feel it's one of those stories that would have been better as a movie. Like, the plot itself is interesting and everything, and it's not badly written, but you never really flesh out the beauty of writing. I mean at one point you even say "You had to be there to see it" , well, the whole point of writing (in my humble opinion) is to emulate this experience as if I was there! I also felt it got pretty reptitive halfway in, seeing aparitions, then seeing freaky pictures, and repeat.
The good though is that it at least piqued my curiosity to want to know what happens in the end.
Another thing that annoyed me was the scene when her eye was cut out. Now I can understand not really dwelling on the description of the eye being cut out, because it's hard to imagine how it would feel like, but the way she reacts afterwards really isn't realistic at all. She just falls down and jokes about her missing eyeball. If you were writing a comedy this might be fitting, but for a horror story I don't think it works.
Untitled by depes7448
Well, you did it. You had me holding my hand over my mouth towards the end. The story is really well written and definitely really interesting. I think the thing that got me the most was her inability to do anything. How all she could do was sit and watch her gruesome awful end approach. It was really horrible feeling that she couldn't even speak or scream. Very nice story!
Untitled by RapeMuffin
Despite this being one of the longest stories, I didn't really feel it was that long at all. In fact I was actually half-expecting him to make it out, reach his car and continue the story! I really like the pacing of this story, and how you build tension. My heart actually started beating quicker at that final bit! I also really like how you told the two timelines of the story in parallel until they matched up, and it was really nice reading about the state of a room, like those nylons on the bed, and then seeing how they came to be in the first place.
The only useful critique I can make here is that, I was comparing the tension I was feeling as Edward was moving through the house before and after I knew what could have been lurking up there, and before I knew, things were a lot more tense and interesting. Perhaps that's simply due to that, when you leave the reader in the dark, he'll start to wonder and eventually his mind will reach exciting places, and maybe the author's explanation would be always be hard pressed to live up to that. I don't know, all I know is that the more mystery there is, the more curious I am.
Untitled by starwarsjunkie
Maaan, this story really made me sad. Like, man, it makes me yearn for a cliche ending where a hero, against all odds, rights all wrongs and saves all the people of the universe.
I really liked this story, and perhaps I'm a bit biased because of my love for these epic fantasies, but I really do like how creative it is. I especially liked the part where it could read his mind, the mind being the narrator's voice. Kinda broke the fourth wall in a really awesome way that only writing can do.
Overall, awesome. And now I'll be waiting for the alternate ending for when he saves everyone and everything lives in eternal happiness :D
Long live the Klan by Labraxadores
There's a lot of grammatical errors here and there and "lotsa" is not a word. It was slightly interesting, but I felt the story was cut too short.
What I *did* really like about the story however, was how you put the ending at the very beginning, but how at the start it seems like just some poetic jargon, but is actually a perfectly reasonable ending to the story. I felt that was well played. But aside from that, you need to work on your main story telling more.
Ornithophobia by Zombie445
I think that ending just blew my mind. I really admire how this story managed to deliver "scary" without relying on much gore or any of the conventional scare tactics. I really love how the story itself escalated, going from a casual day at school, do a slightly disturbing story about birds, to a complete post-apocylyptic scenario to science fiction and finally, swiftly delivering closure.
While character development is pretty hard for a short story contest, I really liked the characters and felt they were pretty life-like. Especially the ever-optimistic Liam, and seeing how he reacts in the dire situation.