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I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:48 PM Reply

I've had this problem that's been getting worse and worse in the past month.

Whenever I'm walking around in public I hear people talking about me. I don't literally hear them saying stuff about me, but if I hear something like "white shirt" and I'm wearing a white shirt I will automatically assume that it's about me and that it's negative and I'll get nervous. Because of thoughts like this I'm always extremely tense and as a result I walk very stiffly. This compounds because then I think that people are giving me strange looks because I'm walking so stiffly.
Now I know that this is paranoid, but thinking that doesn't help me to relax any. The best I can do is just shove the negative thought into the back of my head. When I try to correct it consciously that works... if I concentrate on it every second. So instead I just try to relax, but whenever I pass by a large group of people I'll start sweating or shaking.

I have slow reactions. I don't know if they're slow or I just freeze up out of nervousness. For example, today a friend walked by me and I said "what's up" and he reached out to give me a high five. I had to think about it for a second so by the time he got to me I only have my hand halfway up so I gave a pathetic, weak, high five with the back of my hand by accident. I didn't consciously think about what had happened until I had just passed him.

Because my mind wanders so often, I'll often forget simple tasks. When I reach out to hand something to the cashier I'll often drop it. That will make me nervous and it will compound again. I often forget to look down at the ground and trip over things, then I get nervous and stumble. I'll go down the hallway to do my laundry and forget to bring something simple like soap. Again, if I just stop and think I can correct these things. The problem is that I'm always thinking. I can't stop thinking. I NEVER relax. When I'm lying in my bed at night I'm not completely relaxed. When I'm in the shower alone I'm not completely relaxed. I always feel like someone's watching me through my window.

I try to face my fears. I've been convinced that I can help myself. I leave the window open. I walk by large groups of people. I try to socialize as often as possible. I breath slowly. For a while, it was getting better. The problem is that the fears NEVER go away. I can get to the point where I can socialize normally, and appear normal on the outside. On the inside though, I'm a nervous wreck. I'm always analyzing situations and I can't stop. If I try to clear my head and relax I just forget how to do things.

The most worrying part for me is that sometimes when I'm in public I'll fantasize about being humiliated and then killing myself. Of course, I can catch myself doing it and stop myself, but it's become automatic behavior so sometimes I do it without even thinking twice about it. I don't even have to interact with other people for this to happen. For example, today I was crossing the street and I just walked by a couple of girls. They were on the other side of the street and they weren't even facing me. But as soon as I saw them I imagined them calling out something to me... like "hey there" and then I imagined myself slipping and falling under the wheels of a bus so that my body would be crushed.

Like I said, I was getting better for a while. Now I think that I'm getting worse and I don't know how to help myself. This has affected me my entire life. When I was in preschool, I was the same way on the inside and I remember it well. I don't know if I remember how to relax, or know what I want... except that I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life.

Slint
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:50 PM Reply

In case you can't overcome that "illness", start not giving a fuck about what others think.


Pretend not to care about anything, but be bothered by everything.
ScaryPicnic made me do it.My letterboxd.

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MushookieMan
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:51 PM Reply

Sounds like social anxiety disorder, my man.


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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:52 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 10:48 PM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: The most worrying part for me is that sometimes when I'm in public I'll fantasize about being humiliated and then killing myself.

lol


letterboxd|||| last.fm |||| recommend me hip-hop - G O D // B L E S S // A F R I C A

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:52 PM Reply

If you really thingk you're crazy or need some kind of help, why not talk to your local doctor to see about depression. If you really think you need help, see a shrink. They may be able to help you or give you medication to combat your paranoia, altho that's alwasy a last resort with them.


"I await the sweet release of Death. And I plan to take my enemies with me."---Unknown source.
"You're a bit of a ghoul - aren't you?"---ZeroAsALimit.

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MushookieMan
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:53 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 10:52 PM, Sekhem wrote:
At 9/12/12 10:48 PM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: The most worrying part for me is that sometimes when I'm in public I'll fantasize about being humiliated and then killing myself.
lol

It's better to fantasize about killing others.


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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:53 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 10:50 PM, Slint wrote: In case you can't overcome that "illness", start not giving a fuck about what others think.

Well, thanks for the blunt response. In this case I don't really care because I'm looking for an objective view of the situation.

tox
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:56 PM Reply

headphones and some music everywhere?


call me toxie 0.~
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Sekhem
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 10:56 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 10:53 PM, MushookieMan wrote:
At 9/12/12 10:52 PM, Sekhem wrote:
At 9/12/12 10:48 PM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: The most worrying part for me is that sometimes when I'm in public I'll fantasize about being humiliated and then killing myself.
lol
It's better to fantasize about killing others.

u sicko


letterboxd|||| last.fm |||| recommend me hip-hop - G O D // B L E S S // A F R I C A

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:08 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 11:03 PM, HydraTundra wrote: Sounds like OCD-Persistent and unwanted thoughts or feelings.

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was really young (2 or 3) and I used to compulsively horde things.

And were often humiliated or perceived negatively?

No. I don't have any particularly bad experiences that I can recall that weren't caused by my own (apparently unjustified) nervousness.

Entice
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:24 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 11:21 PM, HydraTundra wrote: Or naturally boost it through foods,and supplements. HTP is a popular supplement.
Saint Johns Wort or even Rhodiola. Avoid caffeine.. Exercise, take fish supplements for the EFAs(essential fatty acids),get plenty of Protein,Proteins typically have tryptophan,this amino is converted into serotonin in the brain. :) Carbohydrates are always a quick fix to promote the release of serotonin,but they don't do much for the production.

That's pretty interesting. I'll probably give the diet a try just to see if it has any affects. Do you do something medical related as a career?

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:25 PM Reply

Let me text Dr. Phil. He will get to the bottom of this for you.

Being serious though, I think you just have some sort of social anxiety.

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MushookieMan
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:29 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 11:03 PM, HydraTundra wrote: Sounds like OCD
...
Don't worry about how others feel or perceive you,it's your life after all.

Wtf, OCD doesn't cause a fear of how people perceive you. He has textbook S.A.D. aka Social Anxiety Disorder. Jesus lorda mighty.


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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:35 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 10:51 PM, MushookieMan wrote: Sounds like social anxiety disorder, my man.

The only way to beat it is to do the simplest but hardest thing of all, try to be more social. I'd start with people in your family that you aren't 100 percent comfortable with in conversation.


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"I hate you because you never pass up and opportunity to mention that you are a "female"-Wreckr
How to review like your opinion matters

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satanbrain
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 12th, 2012 @ 11:46 PM Reply

You are not insane, you excessively attempt to socialize and is frustrated because of it. Cease your attempts and be content with yourself.


(הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים אָמַר קֹהֶלֶת, הֲבֵל הֲבָלִים הַכֹּל הָבֶל. דּוֹר הֹלֵךְ וְדוֹר בָּא, וְהָאָרֶץ לְעוֹלָם עֹמָדֶת. (קהלת א ג, ה

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 12:11 AM Reply

That's kinda why i listen to my music wherever I go to keep my mind and train of thought somewhat on a leash because my mind wonders to some odd places as well sometimes, so i keep positive thoughts flowing through my head to avoid any negativity


Believe what thou Wilt

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 03:40 PM Reply

At 9/12/12 11:46 PM, satanbrain wrote: You are not insane, you excessively attempt to socialize and is frustrated because of it. Cease your attempts and be content with yourself.

Or vice versa.
(attempt your ceases and be yourself with content)

hitman1993
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 03:47 PM Reply

Sounds a lot like me. Maybe not the same extent, but pretty similar. Let's get through this together, new friend.


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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 04:50 PM Reply

my schizophrenia started like this ...your fucked


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swaenK
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 05:25 PM Reply

I have the exact same thing man. It's from being raised too strictly. I think. You're not loosened up. It could be an incredibly good thing, but alas, it can also make you a flailcase.

The best way to over come this, is to get life experience. Drop stressfull relationships (If you can of course). Eat well, don't skip meals, you are probably really skinny. Enjoy math, and science, don't neglect those, if you can.

As far as medication? Try smoking marijuana, OCCASIONALLY. Never over-do it. It can really take the edge off, after it's done creeping up on you (this will feel unplesant). Try taking ritalin. It sounds like you seriously have ADD. *ahem* MDMA may also alleviate tension, just don't take too much and if you do take too much, take 5HTP or drink/eat a ton of milk/ice-cream.

Get on a sports team. Exercise + carbs and protein + bananas = happy boy.

Mine was mostly from bullying. I had a really low self worth, almost like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Can't concentrate, too hard on myself, bla bla bla. Ritalin deffinitely improved my marks but it didn't work for long and it totally becomes useless if you take it incorrectly. Sometimes mixing it with other ADD meds like concerta can do wonders. Ritalin + concerta, doctor prescribed doses. Hard to find a doctor to prescribe both though.


hurp

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swaenK
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 05:28 PM Reply

If you smoke too much weed it will make it worse because you will get more paranoid.


hurp

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 05:31 PM Reply

Nah, you're not crazy. Just a paranoid, awkward fucker.

swaenK
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 13th, 2012 @ 05:31 PM Reply

And when I say it did wonders, imagine 300x better marks. lol...


hurp

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 15th, 2012 @ 06:05 PM Reply

Take my advice sparingly. Avoid sugar and caffeine at all costs.

The "dumb" ideas could have unwarranted bad repercussions if taken the wrong way. So take it easy.


hurp

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swaenK
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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 22nd, 2012 @ 12:16 PM Reply

At 9/15/12 06:05 PM, swaenK wrote: Take my advice sparingly. Avoid sugar and caffeine at all costs.

The "dumb" ideas could have unwarranted bad repercussions if taken the wrong way. So take it easy.

FINALLY, drink lots of water. You can't drink enough really.


hurp

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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 22nd, 2012 @ 12:33 PM Reply

Smoke alot of weed or get anxiety medication or practice meditation or frequent masturbation or exercise more and eat healthier and gain a better self image.


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Response to I'm Crazy Sep. 22nd, 2012 @ 01:17 PM Reply

Aren't we all a l ittle crazy?