At 8/8/12 06:52 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: Am I a total cunt for letting his wife know what janky shit he'd been doing?

uh yeah your a cunt.

bros before Hoes.

I would have contacted the wife directly. You are absolutely right that she should know, but publicly announcing his infidelity subjects her to embarrassment. If you tell her directly, she can deal with it however she chooses.

Ugh. I hate how women's vaginas link up and they feel the need to tell eachother whats going with their spouse.

At 8/9/12 01:42 AM, Nail wrote: Just know that you were the single catalyst for the end of their marriage when otherwise it could have been saved because the guy hadn't technically done anything wrong that we know of.

Someone being oblivious to their partner's behavior doesn't mean that they're not affected by it. The person is cheating for a reason. As a general rule, people in happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships don't cheat. It's when things start to go downhill and the person starts to lose their emotional attachment or at least their loyalty to their partner that they start getting involved with other people. At that point, the relationship is so broken that it would take a lot to fix it, and it would likely end whether someone told the person or not. The benefit of telling is that the person doesn't waste potentially years of their life on someone who doesn't love them enough or who is untrustworthy.

At 8/9/12 07:31 PM, Xenomit wrote: I'm not defending him, I'm just saying that even though what he did was shitty, it doesn't give people permission to get in his business like that

I don't agree with the idea that you can only intervene in something immoral if it's considered your business. You should stand up for what you think is right whether you were previously involved or not.

Though, that's pretty much a moot point in this instance since Tarah was previously involved, thus making it her business.

At 8/9/12 09:19 PM, Xenomit wrote: Standing up for whatever you believe in =/= Intervening in someone els' marriage

It doesn't matter if he cheated or not, now matter how much he went against his vows, it's still a holy sacrimony, and someone els' divine bond, you just don't mess with it

In a relationship where someone is cheating, they no longer have that kind of a bond. At that point, their relationship is unhealthy and their marriage is just a legal status.

At 8/9/12 09:28 PM, Xenomit wrote: It'd be different if the two were just dating, but the fact that they were married kinda makes it a really bad thing to do

I was talking about both parties. It would have been not as bad if he cheated and they were dating, and it wouldn't have been as bad if she told on him and they were dating. And vice versa

All you need to do to get married is have a ceremony and sign a paper. There is nothing about the state of being married that makes it any different than being in a serious relationship without it. They likely loved each other when they first got married, but obviously things have changed, and that change is significant enough to make Tarah's actions justified.

Sorry for the double post. Posting times and all that.

At 8/9/12 09:30 PM, Xenomit wrote: As I've said before, that doesn't make it ok to intervene like that

Your argument was that you shouldn't intervene because marriage is significant. I argued why I think marriage isn't significant in that situation. So either we need to agree to disagree or you need a new argument.

At 8/9/12 09:36 PM, Xenomit wrote: It's an unjustifiable act

Imagine if you had a family member who was deathly ill. He/she was asleep from exhaustion and medication most of the time, but could still think for his/her self. He/she still had a chance to live, but it was slim

Would you decide to have the doctor pull the plug on them?

These two situations are nothing alike, particularly in (but not limited to) the most important area that your family member isn't doing anything immoral to warrant that action.

At 8/9/12 09:51 PM, Xenomit wrote: The point of it is identical though, you're making a very very important decision for someone els

No it's not. It's also a strawman argument. My point isn't that it's always okay to make decisions for someone. My point is that usually it isn't okay, but it is when the person is doing something immoral. That is, the fact that the action is immoral negates the person's right to freedom of choice because they are infringing on someone else's freedoms and rights.

At 8/9/12 10:01 PM, Xenomit wrote: The only time it's ok to make a decision for someone is if their breaking a basic rule of human rights, like take a life

How are they infringing on anyones rights

No, I suppose they're not infringing on our constitutional human rights in the same way that a murderer does. That's why I'm saying that cheaters should be arrested by the government. But I believe in there being rights within a relationship that shouldn't be violated, such as the right to truth and respect.

At 8/9/12 10:10 PM, InsertFunnyUserName wrote: That's why I'm saying that cheaters should be arrested by the government.

Why I'm not* saying. Oops.

Figured this would attract a few trolls who's obviously never been cheated on or are cheaters themselves
You did fine. It would of been someone else eventually that would have ratted out on him anyway. It was bound to happen soon enough. I don't get why people are blaming you for the situation.....

So you let some weirdo on the internet pester you constantly, stalked him to find out all of his personal info, and decided to inject yourself into his personal life? That seems just as shitty in my opinion.

At 8/8/12 06:52 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: But what I've noticed is, alot of people feel it's wrong to oust a cheater and you're suppose to just ignore it. But I have tons of disdain for cheaters.

They are idiots. Good job. And we share the same disdain

If you were cheated on, would you want someone to tell you? Or rather not know unless your significant other told you?

Of course I'd like to know.

Am I a total cunt for letting his wife know what janky shit he'd been doing?

no

At 8/10/12 04:47 AM, Xenomit wrote:

Deciding for herself...

About deciding for others...

She WASN'T deciding for others. It became her business too once he tried to sleep with her/tried to exchange nudes and then hound her down on facebook. She doesn't have to keep her mouth shut for him. That isn't how life works. I'm sure cheaters wish it did but he knew what he was going into, the risk he was taking in being married and trying to sleep with other girls.

Tarah was not sticking her nose where it didn't belong, she was INVOLVED and she could (and did) pass that information onto his wife which she is within her rights to do so.

Why are you failing to understand this?

At 8/10/12 05:12 AM, Xenomit wrote:

I'm not failing to understand why she told him about him hitting on her, but it still wasn't up to her to tell him about the other gal

Just because someone does something wrong to you, and does something similar to another person, doesn't mean you tell a 3rd party (his wife) both incidents

I get it. You don't understand relationships work. Problem solved.

At 8/10/12 05:12 AM, Xenomit wrote: I'm not failing to understand why she told him about him hitting on her, but it still wasn't up to her to tell him about the other gal

Just because someone does something wrong to you, and does something similar to another person, doesn't mean you tell a 3rd party (his wife) both incidents

Look at this:
Some guy beats you up. Then he beats another guy up while you're watching. Does that mean you shouldn't tell the cops about both incidents? No. You should tell them about both incidents.

Same can be applied in this story.

If he hit on her, and she knew that he had been doing the same thing to other girls, then there's nothing wrong about telling the wife about all the incidents. TBH it's the right thing to do.

At 8/10/12 05:23 AM, Xenomit wrote:

Please elaborate on how it means I don't understand relationships

Well because anyone in a relationship wants to know if their partner, the person they are seeing exclusively (married or not) is cheating on them. Some people will reject the information when given to them at first because they want to believe that their partner isn't like that but its still information all these people want to be given if its true.

If you can sit there and say to me that you wouldn't want to know the truth if your partner was cheating on you then yeah I think you don't understand how relationships work.

At 8/10/12 07:25 AM, Sensationalism wrote:

At 8/9/12 10:35 PM, Sensationalism wrote: Why is it okay for the cheater to make a very important decision for their spouse? But it's not okay for someone brought into the situation by the cheater to make people aware of his actions?

Why are you ignoring this question? You keep saying telling on him is a decision that shouldn't have been made for him. So I'm really curious why you think the husband has a right to make a decision for his wife like that?

because he doesn't have a counterargument. All he does is respond with various iterations of "snitching sucks don't do it"

notice how his only response to ifun saying that he didn't agree that snitching sucks was "yes it does something about euthanasia"

it's also painfully obvious that he doesn't have much relationship experience and I know that's an ad hominem but whatever. it's true

At 8/10/12 05:12 AM, Xenomit wrote: I'm not failing to understand why she told him about him hitting on her, but it still wasn't up to her to tell him about the other gal

Just because someone does something wrong to you, and does something similar to another person, doesn't mean you tell a 3rd party (his wife) both incidents

The reason I told the wife about the other girl, the other girl told me I should tell her. Honestly, I was kind of annoyed at the time that he'd find me on Facebook, add me, and act like it'm my fault I didn't know he was married. He never had anything on Twitter about it or told to me. I figured I might as well let the wife know everything to know how in depth his actions went.

I honestly feel bad for the wife, I know I told her a bunch of stuff she'd never want to hear. But I mean, this guy has done stuff like before and put them in marriage counseling. I thought it was ridiculous that the wife told me that he did something like this 5 months ago and he'd been talking to me for more than 5 months. So all the while he's in marriage counseling and suppose to be fixing his married, he'd been talking to me and the other girl.

I mean, never telling one girl you're not married or ever mentioning it is one thing.

Telling another girl you're married but your wife allows you to date other girls just adds more to the fact, especially since the only reason he told the other girl was because he added her on fb and she found out.

there was no physical sexing, so there for there was no cheating, therfore terah is a bitch.

At 8/10/12 03:16 PM, Travis wrote: If your girlfriend was talking to another guy about how she wanted to fuck him, don't tell me you wouldn't dump the bitch or at the very least be pissed off at her.

I would be pissed but its not cheating. there has to be physical contact for that to happen at least Im not petty like the majority of you fucking white knights in this thread

At 8/10/12 03:45 PM, Travis wrote: What you constitute as cheating doesn't matter. The fact that the guy was talking about seriously trying to have sex with someone THAT WASN'T HIS WIFE is WRONG.

yeah it was wrong but not cheating, jesus what tarah told us the dude has just been chatting chicks up on the internet. wrong but not cheating

At 8/10/12 03:48 PM, Bees wrote: cmon tony it's already been established throughout the years you've been here that you're basically a testosterone fueled grunt whose first and only option is to punch something/nuke it then ask questions after it admits america is the greatest country in the world

that has nothing to do with this thread keep the personal attacks on low I admit I did it and for that I apologize

if your slut of a wife was doing what she does best (being a dumb whore) and chatting up other dudes while you're married which, according to this thread, is some sort of divine bond

not married plus talking is different from actually DOING IT. and marriage is hardly a divine bond anymore all with it being sullied.

There are so many grey areas, not everyone sees things the same way. That's why not everyone is compatible with everyone.

I will agree that this guy is a douchewad though.

From what you've given us I wouldn't call it emotional cheating. He wasn't emotionally invested in you, it really sounds like he just wants to get his dick wet.

In a mature/long-running relationship I would think true emotional cheating is more damaging than physical cheating.

bees for King, Tony-DarkGrave for Joker.

The ONLY reason it wasn't cheating, or wait I forgot to bold.

The reason it wasn't cheating was only because Tarah did not want to exchange nudes/meet him for sex. Just because she didn't actually do the dirty with the guy does not make the guy innocent. Not in the slightest. He still wanted to, tried to, hence he was in the wrong and Tarah was right for telling her wife (who'd want to know) exactly what he tried to do with her.

You're really letting your American users down you know. Cause if you're the typical American then I weep for your nation.

Once again it depends on the person. What is cheating with you someone else will be okay with.

Personal example. A friend of ours was told by his girlfriend that she makes out with girls when she goes out and he's not there. This to us is cheating, but to him it is okay because it is with girls.

You did the right thing. If it were me, I'd want to know so that way I'd get out of that marriage ASAP and not waste anymore of my time with that scumbag.

At 8/8/12 06:52 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: If you were cheated on, would you want someone to tell you? Or rather not know unless your significant other told you?

I would want to know if my GF was cheating on me. If I find out, I'll drop her like a hot potato.

Am I a total cunt for letting his wife know what janky shit he'd been doing?

Nope. It would be better if she could find out what he had been doing sooner than later. There's a joke I've heard that says "A man can't keep secrets from his wife." I can't disagree with that.

At 8/10/12 08:33 PM, ScaryPicnic wrote: 6 bloody pages

really

i can't believe people have a problem with this

I've only seen Xenomit have an actual problem with it.

At 8/8/12 06:52 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: Am I a total cunt for letting his wife know what janky shit he'd been doing?

Nah. I think cheating's one of the worst things you can do to someone. If you want to be in a relationship then act like it and give your partner the time, honesty and respect they deserve. If you don't, end it. There is no good reason or justification for cheating and my respect for anyone who does it instantly plummets. Everyone has the right to know if their partner isn't holding up their end of the relationship, otherwise who knows how long they'll keep living the lie?

I fully support what you did.