At 7/31/12 02:54 AM, Akionagatera wrote:
This all I have so far tell me what you think of it i was gonna create this like a comic book or book at first but decided to make it a game. :)
Game starts out with the main character Akio being around 2 or 3. Then your village/clan/ whatever you want to call it. Gets attacked. The thing is you village/clan are very special and you survive. Only you. The reason your village/clan was so special and so powerful that made people fear them was because of these 3 things: the first one they possessed a sealing technique that could seal anything away and could never be broken unless released by the sealer. the second thing was their will to never give up no matter what the odds. They will try to stop or do anything even if it kills them. Finally the third thing. They can control blue fire the hottest type of fire. No other village/clan can do this. They were the only ones able to control any type of element.
Anyway they protected the kingdom and the Royal Family for ages. But they have been all taken out besides Akio. The game then starts with Akio in a foster home in the kingdom. He is Turning 18 and he can finally go try out to be 1 of the protectors of a royal family member. But before he signs up the kingdom gets under attack. You pick up a sword off one of the dead guards body. You are fighting protecting yourself. When you notice a girl in trouble you run and jump in front of her to protect her. ItÃ¢EUTMs 4 against one you know you're overpowered and will lose if don't come up with a strategy to get her out of here or to beat them. As youÃ¢EUTMre fighting them you get severely hurt you canÃ¢EUTMt use your left arm. You look back at this girl she looks to be same age as you crying looking at you with sad eyes because she thinks you're going to die. You turn around there's still 3 of them you managed to kill 1. They charge at you. But you won't give up even knowing you're going to die. As there charging you. You notice a crest on his shoulder and you flashback to when you were just a child and remember that crest on the warriors that attacked you village/clan. That murdered your entire family and friends. you come back from your flashback and your body is black and you're holding your hands out in front of you a ball of blue fire you shoot it and it blows up and disintegrates them and and creates a big divot where they were. Your body goes back to normal and you pass out because of your left arm lost to much blood.
You wake up in the castles hospital. Find the king sitting next to your bed look on the bed next to yours the girl you protected laying there. The king tells you she's never left your side since you saved her and then tells you that's his daughter and thanks you for saving her. Talks about how special you are for being the last one of your kind. He makes you his daughters protector. Tells you your job. Tells you must take her to the Kingdom of Snow. The Kingdom of Snow is very far away from where you are. He tells you the journey gonna be hard and rough. But he tells you he believes in you because you are from the most feared village/clan in the Kingdoms and your father was the leader of them all. You are taking her to the Kingdom of Snow to get married. Your real test starts now. You will find secrets and you will have your revenge on this mysterious group that murdered your village/clan and that attacked the Kingdom of Blaze.
I hate to say it, but you're gonna have to put in a lot of work to make this story passable. Right now all you've got is a string of cliches. You need to develop your setting more. Especially the main village. How is "They will never give up?" a special trait of an entire people. If they're the most powerful clan, how were they all killed? How was one small child able to survive the attack?
I see you've named the main character after yourself. That's a slippery slope. Reading the rest of it sounds like the fantasy of a teenaged boy. Find girl, almost die to save her, she loves you forever. There is absolutely no chemistry in that kind of relationship. Way too unoriginal. And suddenly the king tells you you're the son of the leader of your old village. He even tells you how special you are. This whole plot just sounds like a wish fulfillment. You need to go back and give your characters and settings some depth.
There are too many holes in the plot right now as well. Only his clan were royal protectors. They all died. Now he is training to become a royal protector? Does that mean all the royal guards were assassinated too? Not just the ones in the village but the ones who were away doing their job? Sounds fishy. And who are these people who conveniently attack the castle just as the boy turns 18? Too many coincidences. I know that this is just a short summary of your idea, but you have no reason why these guys are attacking. Or why they killed the main character's village.
You also need to rethink the names "Kingdom of Snow" and "Kingdom of Blaze". Get creative with em.
All in all, this seems just too generic the way it is. Go back and add some reasons for why the various factions act the way they do. Think about the motivations and politics of each side. Create the world and everything in it will move more naturally. Develop a backstory, or a history for your world. This will go a long way to getting rid of the feeling that this is just a fantasy for you to insert yourself into.
But don't give up! It needs a lot of work, but all the best stories require lots of research, editing, and planning.