What do you think of this idea?

[Soviet]

*Note âEU" A lot of this is just a very short summary of the story, It is quite hard to squeeze so much detail into small chunks and make it interesting to read at the same time. I have attempted to write this as good as I can, so I hope you can be interested enough to read most of it and at least give me some feedback and ideas.
Also because it has been shortened, many details and characters have been skipped and blanked out. Entire Chapters have been skipped. The writing shown throughout this summary is also not quite as good in comparison to the full written story. It is also still in its first draft. Lastly (Just for safety precautions, sorry if I sound a bit crude on this) I have enough evidence to prove that the story itself is my original creation. Any attempt to steal my ideas, then publishing them, I will not hesitate to file some sort of lawsuit unless you give me credit. If this summary inspires ideas of your own, you may take those ideas for yourself as long as you use them creatively and originally. If you feel the need to take a large chunk from my story, please give me credit for the idea. (As mentioned above, my apologies if this sounds crude, but I am very paranoid about this.)

Almost a year ago, I wrote a narrative in English for school and ever since then, I have been adding more to the story, so far I have 65,000 words in it. I have always wondered if the story is good enough for a book. Also give me suggestions if possible.

THE WORLD
The book is set in post-apocalyptic America after a large war. The world has become very lawless because of the war. The world pretty much is a combination of The Wild West and modern day environments. There are many small settlements scattered throughout the desert. One of the only known cities shown in the story is a large serving city known as Free-City which is under-control by a newly formed US government who are determined to bring back law and order to the United States.

NOTABLE TOWNS/PLACES
Free City - The largest city in the book. Free City is made up of large buildings and industrial factories. In the middle of the town is a large skyscraper where the US Military along with their president are stationed. It is the presidential building and the political hub of the zone. Free City is also made up of Casinos and crime gangs.

Red Town - Red Town is the first town shown in the book. Red Town is surrounded with a thick metal-plated wall to protect the citizens within. Outside of the walls is a large farming community. People who do great service for Red Town are allowed into the walls. Those who are rich may also buy their way into the town.

The Shelter - The shelter is a shelter inside a mountain. The shelter is where many families hid in the great war. Since the war, the decedents of the families still live there. The Shelter keeps little contact with the outside world. Every few months, they send someone out to buy supplies from outside, they also sell the iron they mine.
Westside âEU" A part of Free-City that has been over-run with savages, bandits and mercenaries. West-side is a constant war-zone and is surrounded by a large wall protecting Free-City from these bandits. *Possible mutated super-humans may be included, but no decision has been made on this yet.
The Zone âEU" This is a place-holder name for the general large area where many of the books locations are set in. I would say the Zone is made up of only two states of America. Much of this is still being determined.
THE STORY.
The story is about a young 17 year old man named Clint (This is just a place-holder name). Clint at the beginning of the book lives in a shelter in the base of a mountain. This shelter has been where his family has lived in for four generations. Since then, it has become a large town with a population of 112.

The shelters President is a cruel man who has forced many of the younger citizens to mine iron. Because of this, Clint and his friends organize a Rebel group. One night they decide to raid the shelters armory to supply their gang with fire-arms. With a coordinated distraction plan, Clint is able to sneak into the armory. Upon sneaking into the armory, he discovers that the President of the shelter had murdered the previous President. Clint is later captured and outcasted from the Shelter along with his friend Freddy.

Freddy was wounded in the raid, leaving Clint no choice but to leave Freddy and find medical aid and food. Soon Clint arrives in a town known as Red Town (See above for more info on Red Town) When Clint approached Red Town's gate-guard, the gate-guard mistakes Clint for the shelters supply man because of the clothes Clint is wearing, so he lets Clint in. Not to long afterwards, The Sheriff catches Clint and arrests him.

When being interviewed by the Sheriff, The Sheriff gets a call on a HAM radio that some bandits are heading towards Red Town. The Sheriff promises Clint that if he helps protect the town with the towns Militia, he will provide Clint with a place for him and Freddy to stay. Clint is forced outside of Red Towns walls where the Militia provide him with a pistol. The leader of the Militia is a large and strong 'giant' named Fortis. The Bandits approach with three hostages including Freddy. The Negotiations turn into a shoot-out between both sides. Through most of it, Clint hides behind a wall watching people around him die. Soon, a bandit wielding only a knife attacks Clint, In a quick reaction, Clint shoots the bandit. The Bandit is shot in the neck killing him almost instantly.

Clint sits there in pure shock until Fortis grabs him and takes him to where the rest of the Militia is gathered up. Fortis then leads the men he has gathered to a secret underground passage where Fortis had secretly been making robots in the event of an attack like this. Fortis unleashes the robots upon the Bandits forcing them to retreat. After gathering up the surviving militia, Fortis decides that he is sick of the bandits harassing them. Fortis then forces the militia to follow the Bandits trail to they can lead an assault on their lair.

After a few hours of tracking, they arrive at the Bandits lair. Another large battle erupts causing many casualties, in the end, the militia manage to win the skirmish. They find the bandit leader wounded through the pile of the dead. When questioning the leader, they discover that the bandits were mercenaries working for a slaver leader. He also unveils that the Sheriff had been secretly selling citizens to them to keep them away from Red Town. Before the leader could reveal more, the leader dies.
The Sheriff is out-casted and Clint is given a home inside of Red Towns walls. With the Sheriff gone, Fortis decides to take control of Red Town, he also offers Clint some training in survival skills. Freddy is no-where to be found after the battle. After that, 2 years pass. Clint is now a young adult and has never travelled very far away from Red Town. Because of this, Clint decides to leave Red Town and visit Free City with a new friend named Paul.
(Cont.)

[Soviet]

After several days of travelling, they arrive at Free City. A town full of crime. Since they need money, Paul decides to get themselves a job with one of the crime families set in Free City using some old contacts of his. Soon they are able to get a few petty jobs with a crime family known as âEUoeThe LabrozziâEUTMsâEU (Doing simple things such as debt collection and small robberies etc.) After three months of small jobs, they are given the opportunity to join in with an âEU~important dealâEUTM with another crime family in a secluded warehouse. The deal ends up being a trap for the enemy crime family. Unfortunately, the enemy crime family were prepared for a fight causing it to turn into a major shoot-out.
In the middle of the shoot-out, the US Military invade, many of the criminals end up surrendering to the US military including Clint. All of the criminals are then taken to the President. The President is interested in them because he believes their skills in combat are better than an average rookie soldier. He decides to give them a deal, either Join the military or face life imprisonment and forced labour. Clint decides to join the military.
Clint is sent to Westside (See above for more info on West-side) where he spends the next few months doing basic training and small military related tasks in an assigned squad. As time goes on, they are given the task of locating an important scientist who is in need of soldiers to protect him so he can continue his research on *Possible mutant super-humans (* - May be changed or altered). They do eventually locate him. Not too long after locating him, Clint and a few other soldiers from his Squad are captured by a squad of Soldiers in an organization known as âEU~The Sliver UnionâEUTM. (Sorry for the lack of detail in this section, this section of the story is very action focused)
Clint wakes up in the back of a truck along with several other people. They are soon taken to a slave camp in Mexico run by a mysterious man who is commonly seen sitting on a balcony is his Villa smoking cigars and drinking wine. When Clint and the new slaves arrive, they are forced to witness a man being burnt alive for attempting to start an uprising. They are introduced to the Slave-master, a large brute by the name of Kunta.
The slaves are forced to do work such as build munitions and mine minerals from dawn till dusk. They are fed basic rations and are usually treated cruelly. If any slave is caught slacking off or breaking other basic rules, they are publically beaten, tortured and executed in front of the slaves so they can have the message burnt into their mind. As the story progresses, the public executions grow worse as when one person misbehaves, Kunta executes an extra head as well as the person who broke a rule.

Clint is eventually brought to a secret meeting led by a man named Henry. Despite the public execution, Henry decides to organize a secret uprising. (Only inviting people he could trust). After several months of planning, Henry discovers the date when he next load of slaves would arrive and is able to coordinate a way to weaken Kunta and the men and start the uprising.
On the night the uprising is meant to begin, Henry goes missing. Every slave that night is gathered to the execution stage along with the new slaves. There they discover Henry had been captured and was also about to be burnt on fire. As Kunta lights the match, Henry manages to knock over a canister full of gas. Kunta does not realize it and as he lights Henry on fire, the entire stage erupts into flames. One of the slaveâEUTMs parts of the uprising meetings manages to trigger the slaves to begin the revolt.
The slaves begin rioting and end up over-whelming most of the Silver Union guards and soldiers. After a large scale riot, hundreds of slaves die but Clint and many of the other main characters present throughout the camp manage to escape into the desert. *(Possible confrontation of Jed Newman) Where to begin a long travel back to Free City. (Many of the events that take place on the way back have been undetermined) Clint is later split up from the group he is travelling with but is able to arrive at Free City where he discovers that for the past few months, Free City has been under-attack by the Silver Union. Free City is now a city under constant war between Militia of Free City citizens, and the US Army against the Silver Union. Clint decides that Free City is not his problem and he should go back to Red Town. Clint decides to quietly sneak into Free City to retrieve all his money left in his motel room (Which he owned fully). As he makes his way through Free City, Clint witnesses the damages that the war has brought. Dead bodies litter the streets, many people have turned to looting and scavenging to survive, others fight helplessly against an army far superior to them. Clint also discovers that the President has pulled out every single soldier from across the zone to aide in the defence of Free City. This has led to much other settlements in the Zone to being unprotected causing much destruction. Westside has also been abandoned which has caused many of the gangs contained within to escape the walls.
As Clint enters his motel, he is greeted by the old owner. (The owner is a character Clint is briefly friends in for an earlier chapter) Clint later enters his Motel room where he catches a scrawny man missing an arm and an eye scavenging through his room. Clint grabs the man and starts threatening to kill him. This is to highlight on how ClintâEUTMs long journey has hardened him and changes his personality from a young adventurous kid to a âEU~hardened jerkâEUTM. The scrawny man flees his room and Clint grabs his money. As he leaves, the motel owner pleads and persuades Clint to stay. Clint refuses. Just as he leaves, he discovers the scrawny man he threatened was Paul. Clint tracks Paul down a back ally where he discovers Paul had lost his arm and eye to the Silver Union. Just as Clint finishes his conversation with Paul, they hear a broadcast on the radio telling all men in Free City to immediately report to the Presidential Tower. Clint who has now decided to stay, follows the signal.
When he arrives, he is given a gun and told to line up and get ready to defend the tower as the Silver Union forces have gathered up to make a final assault on the tower. After a large climactic battle, they discover the battle was a distraction. Whilst they were fighting, a squad of Silver Union soldiers had snuck into the tower. Clint is pulled aside by his old Sargent in the Army (Clint is mentioned throughout the book to have excellent running skills and agility due to a large amount of time spent running in an enclosed environment) Clint is sent in to scout the Presidential building with another team of runners. They all enter the building and split up.
As time goes on, Clint and the runners arrive outside of the PresidentâEUTMs office. When they open the door, each runner is gunned down instantly except for Clint. Clint is invited into the office by a familiar voice. FortisâEUTMs voice. Clint enters the office where he finds the president held hostage by Fortis, who has been the Silver Unions leader from the start. Fortis begins to explain who he is, what his goals are and how the Silver Union started (More of the details are written in the story). In a nutshell, FortisâEUTMs goal was to reshape the world and restore it to its former glory through the means of fear and enslavement. He offers Clint a position as an Overseer which gives Clint access to live the rest of his life in freedom and luxury. Clint sits down to think the proposal over. In this moment, Clint also finds himself with the possible choice where he can sacrifice his life to killing Fortis and putting an end to his goal for good. The President begins attempting to persuade Clint into killing Fortis. Fortis in a burst of anger grabs the President and throws him out of the window. This later caused a group of US soldiers to raid the room.

[Soviet]

Through the battle, a small explosion from a grenade caused most people in the room to be injured or killed. Fortis and Clint are among the injured. Clint manages to drag his injured body (He is mildly burnt in his Torso and arm, he is also covered in shrapnel) over to Fortis. Fortis begs Clint to save him. Clint feeling like he has the upper-hand over Fortis, says no to his offer. Fortis says his final words, âEUoeSo be it, if I must die, I will make sure you never forget the choice that may have given you the chance of eternal life of riches and luxury, and a chance to restore the worldâEU¦âEU Fortis then grabs Clint and injects him with an unknown needle. Fortis then pulls out a Grenade that bursts out into flames. Clint is set on fire where he experiences excruciating pain.
The story ends with Clint falling to the ground and blacking out. It is followed by a short narrated chapter that explains the results of the war and what happened to all the characters (*May be expanded) It lastly explains of a âEUoeMysterious ugly man who wounders across The Zone who constantly moans about his pain and always gets drunk in bars and Inns.âEU
STORY END

ADDITIONAL DETAILS.
EXTRA STORY âEU" I have already began writing parts of âEU~sequelâEUTM where Clint hasnâEUTMt been injured or burnt as badly as mentioned above. In this story, Clint always has to travel between towns because remnants of the Silver Union want him dead. The story focuses on ClintâEUTMs personality and on how he has become a man full of sorrow and regret, Clint Is now a grumpy and angry man also full of hatred. Throughout the story he constantly gets angry and he rarely ever feels remorse leading him to make more regrettable decisions such as murdering innocent people. Unfortunately, every idea I have came up with involving this story is either boring or lacks adventure. It also includes Clint returning to Red Town and his own shelter (where he is unrecognizable). *Please leave some opinions on how to expand upon this if possible. Give me some feedback.

[Deathcon7]

You have two goals ahead of you if you want a fair judgement on a premise:

First) Write an elevator pitch. This is a synopsis of the story in less than 25 words that can be delivered during the course of an elevator ride. Also, write the back cover copy. This should be about 250 words that goes over the story itself. This is the same in principle as the copy you read on the back of published novels.

Second) Write an accurate synopsis. This is a one to two page briefing on the story itself. It's a spoiler filled overview of the story that focuses on the major events of the story arc, the character arc, and any additional arcs you may have (romantic, sub-plot, additional character arcs). This should be very well polished, and very clearly written.

Once this is done, I would then suggest posting the first and offering the second. As it stands, what you've posted is a wall of text that not only turns me off, but in briefly scanning it, I can tell it is incomplete. Trust me, in trying to do the above two things, a lot of ambiguous elements of the story will settle into place. This is what you want: a final overview of the story. If you come at me with an unfinished overview, I'm going to go the other way, simply because, in the revision and finalization process, things tend to change. Sometimes drastically.

For example, Robert Jordan originally envisioned The Wheel of Time as a story about a messianic figure who learns his true destiny when he's old. By the time The Eye of the World was released, the premise had morphed into having a young central character, and focusing on the individual journey of six total characters growing into the world.

[mhzinski]

I don't think it's an idea, so it cannot be evaluated.

Your idea is something that everybody who creates original fiction on this forum likes to roll around and honestly is an idea that starts your story off on life support. You are not going to do yourself any favors creating an environment that everyone is already using and that totally displaces us from the human race as we know it. Post Apocalyptic Earth is a fear that is played on to the point we are desensitized to its seriousness.

This works for fallout because it is a GAME. It is the player's job to characterize the main character and the story is there to entertain the future you want to create for yourself. It does not work in a significant way to help entertain a reader. If you want to take a cue from video games. Take a cue from games with excellent writing. Lucasarts' awesome array of adventure games would be a good place to start from if you want to see powerful writing. Tim Schafer is the master of creating deep and intelligently motivated video game characters.

I'm not giving you advice by saying be original, I'm giving you criticism. Since you will be like most people in this forum and will only read your own thread instead of learning from others' I will tell you plenty of people are trying to do the same thing you are in writing Fallout whatever number instead of a story that glorifies their own individuality and intelligence. Write a story that shows me what a good writer you are, not how much you liked Fallout.

[Fluffychickens]

It may make me an awful novice writer, but I try to never write about my characters- either I write about how they interact with what is around them, or I write about the setting, and how it's influencing their thoughts. I feel as if my characters take on their own personality, and I should probably let them. It either makes all my characters unique, or none of them, I haven't figured out yet.

But please paste as plain text, I know it sucks putting everything back together, but it's easier for you overall to get feedback.