Immediate Feedback Requested

[DragonPunch]

http://hiryugouki.newgrounds.com/news/post/735747

In this link, there is a picture I need immediate feedback on. If you see something flawed, please let me know. I WILL NOT begin this piece without knowing what's wrong and what I can do to fix it.

Ready? GO!

[Aigis]

At 7/15/12 07:11 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: In this link, there is a picture I need immediate feedback on. If you see something flawed, please let me know. I WILL NOT begin this piece without knowing what's wrong and what I can do to fix it.

I'd get rid of those faces. They seem a little out of place on the picture, and I don't think you drew them.

[Kinsei]

At 7/15/12 07:11 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: http://hiryugouki.newgrounds.com/news/post/735747

In this link, there is a picture I need immediate feedback on. If you see something flawed, please let me know. I WILL NOT begin this piece without knowing what's wrong and what I can do to fix it.

Ready? GO!

Well, she needs two me gustas on her chest, I don't really care for a one me gusta chested woman. It makes her seem deformed since the standard is two me gustas.

She really lacks any sort of actual mid section. you go straight from the upper torso to the hips leaving out any sort of mid section
You should show a bit more weight in the legs. They would be compressing against the ground from her weight. Her back right leg is really suffering from this lack of weight.
Also her tibia on her left leg looks broken.

Her left sholder looks smaller and higher than her right one in the back of the pose.
The face is pretty generic, nothing real special about it. Its not bad, and works for the moment, but I don't see it as something sticking in my mind.

The hips feel a little weird, but that might be because the torso issues and the me gustas in the way. Really get rid of them, were adults, we don't need censors. The also interfear with seeing much of the torso anatomy, which looking back on, is something you need some work on in previous pieces.

[DragonPunch]

He's trying to be the next Alex Ahad... he's Hiryu's "Flavor of the month" until he finds another artist to mimic their style from..

Can you leave me alone for ONE DAMN DAY?!!

[Flowers10]

At 7/15/12 07:30 PM, Escalus wrote:

At 7/15/12 07:27 PM, HiryuGouki wrote:

He's trying to be the next Alex Ahad... he's Hiryu's "Flavor of the month" until he finds another artist to mimic their style from..

Can you leave me alone for ONE DAMN DAY?!!

Dude, I only commented on you twice today (Once explaining why you were un-scouted for OBVIOUS REASONS when you were ranting about how oh so horrible the moderators are) . Calm yo tits. You're 21 for rice sake..

Her pose is somewhat unsettling, the legs on the ground don't seem to be the same size.
Give her some hips and a butt.
I'd like to see how the finished version will be!

[DragonPunch]

At 7/15/12 07:36 PM, Escalus wrote: Now now, is that anyway to talk to someone who answered your questions as to why you were un-scouted and constantly tried to help you get better as an artist?

You haven't been doing a good job of teaching to me a better artist as of late. All you have been doing is harassing me. NOw just leave me the hell alone.

[bigjonny13]

At 7/15/12 07:44 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: You haven't been doing a good job of teaching to me a better artist as of late. All you have been doing is harassing me. NOw just leave me the hell alone.

Actually, all of the PMs (like that) which you have been sending actually makes you the harasser.

[DragonPunch]

Her left sholder looks smaller and higher than her right one in the back of the pose.
The face is pretty generic, nothing real special about it. Its not bad, and works for the moment, but I don't see it as something sticking in my mind.

What kind of expression should I use? Should it be something more aggressive and fierce?

[PatBest22]

Ok this may be just me, but I've been seeing this in many of this guy's drawings ( I went to have a look at them after all the commotion that had been going on in the now-locked thread ) but her feet seem bent horribly out of shape in relation to her legs and ankles in order to accommodate those high-heeled shoes?

[DragonPunch]

At 7/15/12 07:48 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 7/15/12 07:44 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: You haven't been doing a good job of teaching to me a better artist as of late. All you have been doing is harassing me. NOw just leave me the hell alone.

Actually, all of the PMs (like that) which you have been sending actually makes you the harasser.

Do you not follow my art? If you do, you will notice numerous 0 star reviews often for no reason on some of my pieces. Not only that, but she blatantly insults me in some of these reviews.

[Vonschlippe]

At 7/15/12 07:56 PM, HiryuGouki wrote:

At 7/15/12 07:48 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 7/15/12 07:44 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: You haven't been doing a good job of teaching to me a better artist as of late. All you have been doing is harassing me. NOw just leave me the hell alone.

Actually, all of the PMs (like that) which you have been sending actually makes you the harasser.

Do you not follow my art? If you do, you will notice numerous 0 star reviews often for no reason on some of my pieces. Not only that, but she blatantly insults me in some of these reviews.

Calm the fuck down. You're making this way more important than it actually is. Stop giving a damn about scores.

[Kinsei]

At 7/15/12 07:48 PM, HiryuGouki wrote:

Her left sholder looks smaller and higher than her right one in the back of the pose.
The face is pretty generic, nothing real special about it. Its not bad, and works for the moment, but I don't see it as something sticking in my mind.

What kind of expression should I use? Should it be something more aggressive and fierce?

Well, any expression would be good. Right now it is blank and boring. A Generic Anime Smile at most, which really should't even qualify as a expression.
Give her some cockiness, or some flare, or some sex appeal. I really don't give a damn what you choose, just choose something.
Get away from the generic and push in to new territory.

[DragonPunch]

Well, any expression would be good. Right now it is blank and boring. A Generic Anime Smile at most, which really should't even qualify as a expression.
Give her some cockiness, or some flare, or some sex appeal. I really don't give a damn what you choose, just choose something.
Get away from the generic and push in to new territory.

I really hope I did good on this one. I fixed the feet, gave her waist a little bit more definition, and her face looks a little bit less generic. I really hope this turned out well. I'll post it in a few minutes and send you the link. Out of everyone here, you have by far been the most helpful. Thank you. :)

[Fifty-50]

Hello Hiryugouki! I didn't expect you to be hanging around here, you know since you have such an awesome reputation around here. Well anyway I'm here to offer you some minor criticisms provided that you asked for them. I'll try to be as gentle as possible as not to hurt your fragile ego.

I see you changed your style? Branching out is great, but in your case your "new style" still falls to the generic anime category. It's not really that notable compared to all the other "mangakas" out there. So yeah, find something that will make your style unique and interesting.

The spinal structure of your character seems to break the laws of human anatomy pretty badly. I never saw anyone with a back that permanently arches to an extremely steep acute angle. It seems that hip won't be able to support that torso due to it's frail structure. I never saw belly buttons go that low either, kinda strange yeah? The size of the head in proportion to the body isn't really stellar either. (the only people that has those kinds of proportions are either with meningitis or 10 year olds. Oh Hiryu.) In short, the head is gigantic!

I'm not seeing any structure at the pelvis area. No indication that there are joints that connect the hips and the femur. Like as if there's nothing there but a void that eats the mind of those who look at it. (kidding)

I'll rate it a 3 out 10 because I'm a nice guy.

[Tony-DarkGrave]

I find the you go straight from the upper torso to the hips leaving out any sort of mid section
You should show a bit more weight in the legs. They would be compressing against the ground from her weight. Her back right leg is really suffering from this lack of weight. her leg looks broke on one of them and what are those THINGS ON her CHEST?!Give her some hips and a ass jesus talk about half ass.

I find that it has no real soul to it just leaving a lifeless husk to wither away...

**hisses** Yeahhh.

[DragonPunch]

Okay, here is a better version.
http://hiryugouki.newgrounds.com/news/post/735747
Same post, but with (hopefully) an improved picture.

[DragonPunch]

Calm the fuck down. You're making this way more important than it actually is. Stop giving a damn about scores.

It's the insults and harassment that get to me, not the score.

[Kinsei]

Oh Art Forum, U So Crazy!

[DragonPunch]

At 7/15/12 08:30 PM, Kinsei01 wrote: Oh Art Forum, U So Crazy!

So...Uh what did you think of my new version of the pic? Better?

[Fifty-50]

At 7/15/12 08:27 PM, HiryuGouki wrote: Okay, here is a better version.
http://hiryugouki.newgrounds.com/news/post/735747
Same post, but with (hopefully) an improved picture.

Better but there's still that painful acute angle. Also the arms are too thin.

[Tony-DarkGrave]

So when is it getting released to the public and submitted?

[Kinsei]

Well, to start, You know how to fucking upload a picture to the forms. I know you do, you know you do, the crazy hobo down the street knows you do, so how about you actually try that next time rather than editing your blog post. And because you haven't uploaded properly, we don't have a point of comparison, making a proper critique much more difficult. If you are just going to make this complicated to do, then why is anyone bothering.

And this isn't even digging in to the rules of the Art Forum.

Ok From memory since I didn't bother to save the random picture from a blog post cause I seemed to lack the foresight that this would actually get this far.
I don't think I'm seeing any improvements on the torso, other than lacking the Gustas.
The breast do seem aligned with each other, but they feel very fake. Part do to lack of shading, another part of just lacking breast structure. If memory is correct the outside of the breast lead up under the arm, you don't indicate that at all with your left breast. So Yeah go study some boobs, who knows it might get you to cool off a bit.
The left leg looks less broken, but it still lacks some weight. The Right left leg looks like it has been adjusted a little, but as someone mentioned earlier,m it looks like the foot is not attached to the rest of the leg. It seems simply penciled in there as an after thought.
The shoulders don't looked fixed neither does the thickness of her left arm.

Her face doesn't look any better. Her center mark is gone and you just gave her slanted eyebrows rather than alter the face composition .

Its kind of quick and dirty, but I think I got it all.

[Kashi]

You should really put a NSFW tag in your thread name or first post, because if I knew you wanted me to see badly drawn titties I wouldn't have bothered clicking the link.

[DragonPunch]

At 7/15/12 08:58 PM, Kashi wrote: You should really put a NSFW tag in your thread name or first post, because if I knew you wanted me to see badly drawn titties I wouldn't have bothered clicking the link.

Tell me what's wrong with them and HOW TO FIX them instead of being a jackass, please.

[ImpendingRiot]

At 7/15/12 09:04 PM, HiryuGouki wrote:

At 7/15/12 08:58 PM, Kashi wrote: You should really put a NSFW tag in your thread name or first post, because if I knew you wanted me to see badly drawn titties I wouldn't have bothered clicking the link.

Tell me what's wrong with them and HOW TO FIX them instead of being a jackass, please.

Start with your attitude, and then we'll move on to your art, kay?

[DragonPunch]

Tell me what's wrong with them and HOW TO FIX them instead of being a jackass, please.

Start with your attitude, and then we'll move on to your art, kay?

Then maybe he shouldn't have come out with an insult, ya?

[Fifty-50]

NSFW

See how better everything looks when you do it the right way?

[Kinsei]

At 7/15/12 09:25 PM, HiryuGouki wrote:

Tell me what's wrong with them and HOW TO FIX them instead of being a jackass, please.

Start with your attitude, and then we'll move on to your art, kay?

Then maybe he shouldn't have come out with an insult, ya?

That would be a "She" and I wouldn't say that Kashi was wrong. She has become a very accomplished artist in her time here.

[Fifty-50]

Don't call Kashi a Jackass. At least she's better than you by a long shot.

[Tony-DarkGrave]

At 7/15/12 09:31 PM, Fifty-50 wrote: NSFW

See how better everything looks when you do it the right way?

woah you should submit that!