At 6/19/12 01:53 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote:
At 6/18/12 10:49 AM, kolosos666 wrote:
Hello everyone. So i was bored and decided to post some of my short stories on here. I hope you enjoy them, and do feel free to comment on them :DWell, I didn't read your story, but I have to tell you that the Newgrounds BBS doesn't recognize indentations. So, you have to separate each paragraph with a double space (skip a line) like I'm about to do.
I will definitely consider reading it, but first accustom yourself to the forum and how stories are transcribed, so they are easier to read ("wall of texts"--where the story just looks like one big paragraph--are frowned upon). It will also help you garner some input from the regulars. At a very cursory glance, it seems that there is too much dialogue.
Yes! Thank you for your advice. I THOUGHT it would paste right, but it didn't.
Also, thanks to everyone else who commented as well, and regarding the comment about being turned into an animation - i would love to see that, but i am no good at drawing or animating. But who knows, maybe a talented animator will read this story and like it :D Also, since i cannot doublepost, i won't be able to post a new story until there's at least one more reply after this post. Anyways, HERE is the fixed version (since i cannot edit my posts, or at least i can't find the button to do so):
Burlap and the girl - a short story
"Be good they say. Do good, and you will receive good in return. So they say, but i can't be good all the time, can i? Who am i, you ask? Why, i am a helping hand, a collector of odd, a seeker of the found!"
They called him Burlap. A man with a burlap sack for a head. How that came to be his case, nobody knew. All everyone knew was that he was a weird creature, witty and knowledgable in the art of magic. Always willing to help, and always with a price. "Hey, i gotta fill my bag with something, don't i?" His favourite excuse. He traversed the land carrying all of his posessions in a small patched-up bag. A magical inventory for sure, as Burlap was a collector of items above all, a scavenger, and he had plenty of those. All that inside a magical patched-up bag, hung from the end of a long stick, his makeshift fishing rod. Another one of his odd hobbies. "I fish, but only for the odd and peculiar. Everything else is but a waste." And so Burlap spent his days, alone and comfortable. Untill...
"Help me! Please... Somebody!" A young girl's voice reached Burlap, as he carelesly walked up. Yes, up. Up as in up a rocky wall that was a cliff reaching upwards to the edge of a small hill. He walked, not wondering about the source or reasoning behind the voice.
"What? I'll find out soon enough. No reason to wonder about it. Now on with the story!" As you wish.
It was a helpless girl with white eyes forced to the very edge of the cliff. Dressed in rugged clothes, the fabric drenched in filth and blood. In front of her was a pack of angry villagers, each armed with butcher knives, pitchforks and one with a wet sock...surely he was the most dangerous.
"Jump, demon! Begone! We don't want your darkness surrounding our village." A buff man with a white apron spoke, clearly the self-apointed leader.
"Please...you don't have to do this...I haven't done anything to you!"
"But you will! The prophet spoke. And he is never wrong! You and those two white eyed demons were going to destroy our village!
"Please....wasn't it enough killing my parents?!"
"We must abide to what the prophet says!" A stout, elderly man shouted, before being silenced by a stern look from the leader.
"Jump, or else we'll push you over!" The mob moved closer. And she had no choice but the move to the very edge.
"Why jump? Diving would be much faster to the bottom." With his bony finger grasping the patchy ground, Burlap hurled himself in the air, landing next to the girl a moment later, immediatelly causing the mob to pull back a foot in fear and wonder.
"How did you....no matter! Please, whoever you are, you have to help me!"
"Hmmm...what do you offer?"
"What?!Myself! If you save me, im yours!" Desperate, the girl was prepared to do anything to escape certain death.
"Hmmm...tempting...Alright then! I accept!" He spoke before showing off an old shoe torn in the front to the crowd, as if it was his most prized possession.
"Behold! I offer you this shoe in exchange for her life!"
"Are you mad?! Of course not! Now move!"
"Wait wait wait! You haven't seen the full offer yet!" He spoke as the mob neared him with ferocious looks.
"It's not just any shoe. It's a magic shoe. BEHOLD!" He shouted as he let go of it. In a flash of light the shoe increased in size tenfold, mutating and growing horrid fangs out of its broken heel. Like a monster's jaw unleashed, it hopped after the villagers, biting at them as they ran away in terror. Giving chase to the mob, soon both the villagers and the monster shoe were out of sight.
"Well darn. There goes a perfectly good shoe." Burlap sighed as he tightened his grip on the stick resting upon his shoulders, sitting down on the patch of grass beneath him. The girl, exhausted and famished, collapsed near him.
"Eh?! She can't just faint. It's not even the end of the story!" And he was right, it wasn't, not just yet. So he began poking her awake with his stick, until she jolted to her feet in a rush, thinking she was dead.
"What?!" The girl panicked, trying to remember what had happened to her. And then it hit her, in the form of a sock placed between two slices of meat and two slices of bread.
"Eat. Fill your stomach. After that we'll be on our way."
"Oh....thanks." Disgusted by the sock she pulled it off, ravaging the rest of the sandwich just like a girl who hasn't seen food or peace in days.
"Hey hey don't just throw away the best part!" he jumped after the sock, nearly falling off. Finally grasping it, he slurped it like a spaghetti.
"Thank you. If it weren't for you..." Finally calming down, she spoke with her mouth half-full.
"Hey, a deal's a deal. Come now partner, we have the whole day in front of us." Leisurely he began walking down. Yes, down, and leaving his newfound partner in shock and awe.
"Hey! Wait! How am i supposed to get down?! And the name is Serene, if you care!"
"Hmm...do you happen to know of a dusty old lake somewhere around here? The spookier the better." Ignoring her, he simply walked, talking on and on. Somehow both soon ended up on the ground, walking off in the distance together.
And so, Burlap was off to another misadventure, now with a partner to share it with...