Era Vulgaris

[Gladysvere]

Ever since humanity mastered how to collapse time, we have been traveling throughout the known universe, transforming colonized planets into reflections of Earth. As more galaxies were found, the original earth faded into obscurity. It had become forgotten by its previous inhabitants. After four hundred years the humans found themselves unknowingly returning to their original solar system, no habitable planets were found. Earth Prime had turned into a toxic gas ball whose sickly green color awarded it the name of Vulgaris. When a research team landed they found something truly unique, a race of creatures who could only survive in the arid climate of Earth. These beings possessed an immense level for cognitive thought which unfortunately led to their isolation. Humanity feared the creatures and labeled Vulgaris as a "Dead Planet". It would never appear on any solar map nor be mentioned in any pre-planned routes.
It was never questioned how earth became the gas planet it is known as today, for none remember where the original Earth had been.
____________________________________________________________
_______

Taskila looked over at the monitor next to her, "What is so important that you felt the need to inform HASA?"
She hated these dockers, they got scared over everything. One time she was called in to inspect a possible stowaway. It wound up being nothing but a moldy sandwich stuffed in the corner of a broiler room.
"This is the bioscan from freighter 8452 Janessa. The captain claims there are 14 crew members including himself, and one pet. Yet this scanner is running up with sixteen on board. Fifteen sapien biosignatures and one dog."
Taskila stared closer at the screen, fourteen crew and one pet made for fifteen. She couldn't help admitting the docker may be right, there had to be a stowaway this time.
"Keep the ship ins stasis, if the feild goes down for even a second we might lose this." Now would be an awesome time for Haskern to get back from vacation, she thought, biting her lip in angst.
"8452 Janessa, this is docking bay, our scanners are picking up a foreign sapien biosignature aboard your vessel, please wait patiently while I assemble a scour team to inspect your ship."
There was a brief moment of swearing over the comm.
"Listen I have to get this shipment to the Gaddea Trading Company by eighteen 'o' five or I lose money."
"I'm deeply sorry sir," she replied hiding her anger, "I am an elite officer of the Health and Safety Administration. I will notify the company of your tardiness, now please remain calm and list the current races under your command."
As the captain named each crew member, Taskila radioed a scour team to inspect the ship.
"Alright," she said to the docker, "When I tell you, lower the stasis field for ten seconds. That should be enough time for the team to get aboard."
The docker nodded, his hand hovering inches above the required key. Taskila waved her hand signalling to drop the field. Then closely inspected the camera feeds in case whatever it was on the ship chose that moment to drop off. Nothing.
She waved again and the docker set the stasis back.
"While we're waiting run another scan."
The docker sighed deeply, then began plugging away at his computer.
"Um... you might want to look at this."
Taskila hid her face in anger. It better not be another bio sign, she thought. Instead her eyes were greeted by a normal scan. Fifteen lifeforms aboard. No more, no less.
"Dammit," she whispered under her breath. Whatever was on the ship must have jumped during the ten second stasis shutdown.
"You," she said angrily, her finger directly in the docker's face, "You better get me a record feed from these cams wired directly to my account, as well as documentation from these bioscans."
Then pulling her radio to her mouth, "Scour team get your asses out of there, the scanner isn't picking up an access anymore. This has gone from stowaway to jumper."
Her boss was going to have her on a platter, HASA doesn't take kindly to foreign sapiens running rampant on Hestrina. Especially in the planet's largest and most populated city.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She chanted as she ran out the door.
____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________

this is the beginning of a story I have always wanted to write but never had an excuse to. Anything on your mind go ahead and post, or if you prefer you can mssg me. I'll be trying to stay on top of this one so updates to the story will be popping up in this feed. kthnxbai

[EKublai]

At 6/11/12 05:30 AM, Gladysvere wrote: Ever since humanity mastered how to collapse time, we have been traveling throughout the known universe, transforming colonized planets into reflections of Earth. As more galaxies were found, the original earth faded into obscurity. It had become forgotten by its previous inhabitants. After four hundred years the humans found themselves unknowingly returning to their original solar system, no habitable planets were found. Earth Prime had turned into a toxic gas ball whose sickly green color awarded it the name of Vulgaris. When a research team landed they found something truly unique, a race of creatures who could only survive in the arid climate of Earth. These beings possessed an immense level for cognitive thought which unfortunately led to their isolation. Humanity feared the creatures and labeled Vulgaris as a "Dead Planet". It would never appear on any solar map nor be mentioned in any pre-planned routes.
It was never questioned how earth became the gas planet it is known as today, for none remember where the original Earth had been.

I think this is an intriguing storyline, and I often don't say that about space sci-fi. The problem is that I find your writing style a bit lacking, which shouldn't be taken as an insult if you're not that experienced of a writer.

It might be worthwhile to set this story aside, because right now it may be too epic or ambitious, and the last thing you want is for yourself to get tired of your own ideas, particularly if they are good ones. I do this all the time with my stories. I get an idea, but just don't feel like I'm ready yet, skillwise or for another reason, to try to create the best piece of writing that the storyline can produce.