I got shat on

[Dean]

Before I disappoint you, no this is not some kind of German/Dutch/Japanese sexual experience.

So there I was, walking along the pavement/sidewalk when I noticed a guy approaching me in the opposite direction. This was a narrow pavement, so obviously one of us was going to have to make way for the other and so the contest began. Who was the most masculine? Who would submit and move aside? Who would appear the stronger man?

Obviously my Norse stature was too intimidating for the poor chap so he moved to the side. As he was walking past I felt something land on the crown of my head. At first I thought it was a water droplet from the trees above, but it made too much of an impact for it to be water. Then I assumed that maybe the guy threw something at me as he walked past, but he didn't seem the sort. So I raised my hand to my head and felt it. It felt like water at first, but then I looked at my hand.

You've maybe already guessed it, but yes, it was bird shit. Bird shit was in my hair and now smeared over part of my fingers. It was pretty disgusting at first but then I couldn't help chuckle to myself. If this had happened a few weeks back I wouldn't have cared because I would have had a shaven head and a leaf would have cleared most of it off before I got home to wash it. But no, it happened now. Now that I'm in the process of growing a mohican/mohawk and the shit so perfectly landed right in the centre of it. Then as I used my fingers to inspect what it was, I just made it worse by rubbing it into my hair.

So guys, no matter how bad your day is or how down you might be feeling, at least you haven't been shat on... yet.

[Sensationalism]

I live with birds, that has happened to me plenty. One time I had some on the back of my shoulder on my shirt and went to school. I noticed it when I took a bathroom break. Though when I told my boyfriend, I had to point it out so I was slightly less embarrassed because maybe my classmates didn't notice it.

[Blounty]

I was at the bus stop this morning, and suddenly a bird started shitting quite alot from the tree above me. I looked to my friend and chuckled but really I was just glad it hadn't got on me. Next thing we know all the other birds in the tree decided to start shitting together. I got out of there as quick as I could and sat on the bench. My bus was also late.

[BumFodder]

At 5/30/12 08:49 AM, Dean wrote: Before I disappoint you, no this is not some kind of German/Dutch/Japanese sexual experience.

What has it got to do with the netherlands or japan?

[tox]

How do yoclean up after taking a shit in the shower?

I just kind of place it over the grate and mash it in with my heel

[Dean]

Pet birds do look cool, sitting on your shoulder and stuff but it was the shitting that always put me off getting one. Flying around your house taking a dump when they please.

At 5/30/12 08:56 AM, BumFodder wrote: What has it got to do with the netherlands or japan?

The Dutch are into some freaky shit. Pun intended. The Japanese come into this because they're one of the countries most associated with shit porn. There was an episode of Dirty Sanchez (essentially the British Jackass) where they went to Japan and this was one of the things they looked into.

[masheenH3ad]

Now we move one.

[GoryBlizzard]

I'm no stranger to experiencing bird shit (in NYC, it usually happens when I'm underneath elevated subway tracks, random buildings or lamp posts), though I obviously prefer human female shit way more because of the much better texture and smell.

[Sensationalism]

At 5/30/12 09:06 AM, Dean wrote: Pet birds do look cool, sitting on your shoulder and stuff but it was the shitting that always put me off getting one. Flying around your house taking a dump when they please.

I'm not sure they would fly around enough to poop while flying. Mine will walk around the floor/furniture when I take him out sometimes and go there. I've had him 15 years and he's only pooped on me gotta be less than five times. He pooped on a friend's head once. So it actually doesn't occur that often. If I carry him around, he usually waits to go until he's back at his cage. Or I just have good timing. But it certainly beats potty training a dog or dealing with kitty litter. The most off-putting thing about pet birds shouldn't be the poop, it should be their screeching when they want attention.

[dogpup4]

When I started reading this, I thought the man had knocked you to the ground and shit on you. At least that didn't happen.

[Dean]

At 5/30/12 09:08 AM, GoryBlizzard wrote: I'm no stranger to experiencing bird shit (in NYC, it usually happens when I'm underneath elevated subway tracks, random buildings or lamp posts),

I had a feeling you might post in this thread when I spotted you online but I'm surprised by your response Gory, I was expecting something about huma...

though I obviously prefer human female shit way more because of the much better texture and smell.

Oh wait, there it is.

At 5/30/12 09:15 AM, Sensationalism wrote: I've had him 15 years and he's only pooped on me gotta be less than five times.

Well, that's way less frequent than I thought. I thought getting shat on five times a week would be considered low.

Even though your bird isn't a parrot, do you still walk about with him on your shoulder pretending you're a pirate? I would.

At 5/30/12 09:34 AM, dogpup4 wrote: When I started reading this, I thought the man had knocked you to the ground and shit on you. At least that didn't happen.

lol you make a good point. Although perhaps Gory might have argued that it would have been a slightly better outcome if that were to have happened.

[Sensationalism]

At 5/30/12 09:36 AM, Dean wrote: Even though your bird isn't a parrot, do you still walk about with him on your shoulder pretending you're a pirate? I would.

Actually he is a parrot. But I suppose you are referring to macaws ;) And yes, he chills on my shoulder. And I have pretended to be a pirate lolol. Once I considered doing that for Halloween but I don't trust other people and he doesn't either.

[Dean]

At 5/30/12 09:38 AM, Sensationalism wrote: Actually he is a parrot. But I suppose you are referring to macaws ;) And yes, he chills on my shoulder. And I have pretended to be a pirate lolol. Once I considered doing that for Halloween but I don't trust other people and he doesn't either.

I thought he was a cockatiel. This is the part where you tell me that a cockatiel is a breed of parrot or something and I look like an idiot :(

[Shade]

You need to find the bird that did this, and shit on his head.

See how he likes it.

[Coop]

At 5/30/12 08:49 AM, Dean wrote: Before I disappoint you, no this is not some kind of German/Dutch/Japanese sexual experience.

Why did you not call this debauched tale "2 guys, 1 pavement"?

So guys, no matter how bad your day is or how down you might be feeling, at least you haven't been shat on... yet.

Oh, not yet, I've barely been out into the wider world today. I've got a cricket match this evening, so anything could happen. I might even get savaged by a buzzard, for all I know :P

[Dean]

At 5/30/12 09:55 AM, Coop wrote: Why did you not call this debauched tale "2 guys, 1 pavement"?

I'm actually devastated that I didn't think of this.

Good luck with your cricket. Watch out for those flying red balls!

[Sensationalism]

At 5/30/12 09:44 AM, Dean wrote:

At 5/30/12 09:38 AM, Sensationalism wrote: Actually he is a parrot. But I suppose you are referring to macaws ;) And yes, he chills on my shoulder. And I have pretended to be a pirate lolol. Once I considered doing that for Halloween but I don't trust other people and he doesn't either.

I thought he was a cockatiel. This is the part where you tell me that a cockatiel is a breed of parrot or something and I look like an idiot :(

You are right he is a cockatiel. And yes, it's a form of parrot. Most pet birds are, their beaks look the same too. And I wouldn't say this makes you look like an idiot because it's probably only common knowledge to people with interest in birds.
Like I could be all "my bird is a normal grey(visually) split to pied and lutino(genetically) and any normal person is gonna be like "oookay whatever that means!"

[Coop]

At 5/30/12 10:13 AM, Dean wrote:

At 5/30/12 09:55 AM, Coop wrote: Why did you not call this debauched tale "2 guys, 1 pavement"?

I'm actually devastated that I didn't think of this.

Good luck with your cricket. Watch out for those flying red balls!

Within the last 10 seconds it has started absolutely pissing it down. I'm not so sure about flying red balls, but swimming ones could become an issue tonight...

[Gagsy]

I thought I got shat on last week by a bird. I lifted my hand to my head and felt nothing so deluded that it was just a twig falling and hitting me gently from a tree above.

This must mean; me > you

Also they DO say that its lucky to get shat on by a bird, personally I think its all bollocks and just trying to make you feel better about being a pigeons toilet for the day.

[Grub-Xer0]

lol karma

[Prinzy2]

I remember hearing a story about my Opa during a summer and he took everyone out to the lake for a family BBQ. He had just finished BBQing for 40 people and there was one burger left for him. He dolled it up and had it up to his mouth about to take a bite when a seagull flew overhead and shit smack dab in the middle of his burger. He went to A&W shortly after because they at least had a roof.

[phrozonfire]

Poor Dean.

[Boomstick]

I'm pretty sure in some cultures that's a sign of good luck.
I knew a guy who got shat on, it happened as I was sitting next to him. I dunno how he dealt with that.

[MaartenC]

At 5/30/12 08:49 AM, Dean wrote: Before I disappoint you, no this is not some kind of German/Dutch/Japanese sexual experience.

I'm Dutch and I'm confused.

[BizzarroPMP]

A cardinal keeps shitting on my car. He has been targeting it! It's been happening for weeks!

[BlubbOnly]

I have never been shat on. Success !

[homsarrunner3]

Reminds me of this old Sour Patch Kids commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GINmvzOpfvc

[BumFodder]

At 5/30/12 09:06 AM, Dean wrote: The Dutch are into some freaky shit. Pun intended. The Japanese come into this because they're one of the countries most associated with shit porn. There was an episode of Dirty Sanchez (essentially the British Jackass) where they went to Japan and this was one of the things they looked into.

The only country associated with that is Germany.

[NeutralObjections]

Hey, you're one lucky motherfucker according to China.

[Idiot-Finder]

I thought the title is a metaphor about getting thrown under the bus which is exactly what happened to me just now. But this is pretty disgusting and hilarious at the same time.

Thanks, I really needed this.