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Are humans monogamous?

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Sensationalism
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Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:37:15 Reply

What do you think?

Personally it annoys me when people say they are not and that monogamy is unnatural. But if you feel that way, please express yourself and whatever reasons you have for thinking that.

I think people seek a mate to raise children with and/or spend their life with because that's just what they're drawn to do. And not because of society's expectations either. With how long human offspring take before they "leave the nest" it does make sense that humans would seek longer relationships.

I'm also one of those people that would be unlikely to get a divorce because I believe once you devote your life to someone you love, you don't just give up on them. You work through whatever problems arise and support each other. With the exception of abuse/danger/cheating.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:40:33 Reply

They are.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:40:50 Reply

Depends on the individual. Some are perfectly happy with just one mate and others just can't keep their pants on.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:43:24 Reply

Nowadays polygamy is still possible but is looked down upon and I don't know whether it's illegal or not; however polygamy did probably exist a long time ago, but now that the population has become large or because of something else it's now towards monogamy.


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Sensationalism
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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:47:10 Reply

At 5/13/12 05:43 AM, Gimmick wrote: Nowadays polygamy is still possible but is looked down upon and I don't know whether it's illegal or not; however polygamy did probably exist a long time ago, but now that the population has become large or because of something else it's now towards monogamy.

The one thing I watched about four people in a polygamous relationship together just kind of strengthened my belief that humans are monogamous. The women would get jealous of each other even though they'd try not to be and even though this was something they wanted to do, it was still difficult. And really I think a relationship between two people is difficult enough, I couldn't imagine dealing with more. For the people who are capable of doing it, that's great. Especially when it's out in the open rather than people cheating. But I could not handle being in a relationship with more than one other person and I think most people are that way too.

I do agree with the guy that said some are and some are not. Though I think more are.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 05:53:58 Reply

I don't really think so personally. The only real reason people seemed to stay together more many years ago is due to stricter outlooks on that kind of thing.

As lovely as the idea of spending the rest of your life with one person is, I think its absurb to think it will truly make you happy once you're different people 20-30 years later.


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Sensationalism
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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 06:02:15 Reply

At 5/13/12 05:53 AM, Gagsy wrote: I don't really think so personally. The only real reason people seemed to stay together more many years ago is due to stricter outlooks on that kind of thing.

As lovely as the idea of spending the rest of your life with one person is, I think its absurd to think it will truly make you happy once you're different people 20-30 years later.

Maybe my belief has nothing to do with any sort of human nature and is completely based on personal experiences.
I know plenty of people that would agree with you, especially ones who have experienced divorce in their family.

My grandma was not my grandpa's first wife but I'm sure if they had met sooner she would have been. He didn't find the right woman until he found her. And they were a great couple. They had their problems but they stuck together. When my grandpa got sick, my grandma took such good care of him, even leaving her job. And you could tell they both really loved each other, even though they'd been together so long.

My parents too are still totally in love and have eyes for only each other.

Not even any of my aunts or uncles have divorced. They all found someone to spend the rest of their lives with.

I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad. I'm just saying maybe I'm wrong about it being a natural human response to seek one mate. Maybe I just think that because that's all I've really experienced.

I agree that people are always changing but I like to think you can grow together. Guess I'm just romantic/lovey dovey.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 06:17:02 Reply

Humans are unique in the sense that they have instinctual urges (like mating) but at the same time function in a society.

In society.... you have your girlfriend/wife/etc, and you know she will be waiting for you when you get home/go to see her/etc.

In nature, you'd mate when you have the urge to do so. You mate with every member of the opposite sex that you can and fight off other rival mates of the same sex.

You might get the urge to mate while you are at da club dancin with a honey... and then remember that you are dedicated to your women at da crib. Why? Because society frowns upon cheaters.

BUT!
Humans are just another animal without society.
Society is part of who we are, and therefore monogamy and marriage are what is expected.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 06:19:31 Reply

At 5/13/12 06:17 AM, Raab wrote: Society is part of who we are, and therefore monogamy and marriage are what is expected.

Your whole post is true, in my opinion. Although, while monogamy and marriage are what is expected, polygamy is extremely common as well.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 06:24:50 Reply

At 5/13/12 06:19 AM, Skaren wrote:
At 5/13/12 06:17 AM, Raab wrote: Society is part of who we are, and therefore monogamy and marriage are what is expected.
Your whole post is true, in my opinion. Although, while monogamy and marriage are what is expected, polygamy is extremely common as well.

agreed.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:04:14 Reply

I'd like to think so, we can love one particular person and resist the urge to ride any person comes into view.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:11:46 Reply

Monogamy is for those who are prepared for one thing; one story of their life; one path of experience.

Polygamy is for those who can not make their own decisions. Lacks the responsibility to handle a single agenda. A vampire flea that sucks the blood out of numerous victims for their own lack of gain. Like someone who crumpes up an unfinished story, throws it away, then starts on a whole new story, then end up crumpling up and throwing it away as well. They can't be committed to their responsibilities...


You do not make examples, you make excuses; you do not solve problems, you shift problems; you do not stand behind your statements, you stand behind your stasis.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:13:36 Reply

At 5/13/12 07:04 AM, Lunaful wrote: I'd like to think so, we can love one particular person and resist the urge to ride any person comes into view.

Yeah. Probably because we put more focus on long-term satisfaction than instant gratification. I could have hot, passionate sex with some hottie I see. But jeopardizing the happiness I have with someone else is probably the main thing that prevents me from doing something like that.


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Sensationalism
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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:17:16 Reply

At 5/13/12 07:11 AM, Insanctuary wrote: Monogamy is for those who are prepared for one thing; one story of their life; one path of experience.

Polygamy is for those who can not make their own decisions. Lacks the responsibility to handle a single agenda. A vampire flea that sucks the blood out of numerous victims for their own lack of gain. Like someone who crumpes up an unfinished story, throws it away, then starts on a whole new story, then end up crumpling up and throwing it away as well. They can't be committed to their responsibilities...

In the case of polygamy where one person chooses to spend the rest of their life with say, three people, I disagree with you. Relationships take work so I imagine it's more complicated and more work the more people are involved. I must say I do respect them for being willing to work that hard to keep all of their spouses content. I really don't think it's easy or more fun.
What you're talking about also sounds more to me like someone who keeps starting families, then leaves to start another, never sticking with any of them. Which is pretty uncool for anyone to do.
Bottom line though I think a person's intentions should be clear. No playing with people.


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Insanctuary
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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:23:59 Reply

At 5/13/12 07:17 AM, Sensationalism wrote:

In the case of polygamy where one person chooses to spend the rest of their life with say, three people, I disagree with you. Relationships take work so I imagine it's more complicated and more work the more people are involved. I must say I do respect them for being willing to work that hard to keep all of their spouses content. I really don't think it's easy or more fun.

Do you think anyone actually makes that sort of commitment? 3 on-going promises? I'm sure you know more about it than I do, which is why I'm asking. : )

What you're talking about also sounds more to me like someone who keeps starting families, then leaves to start another, never sticking with any of them. Which is pretty uncool for anyone to do.

For some reason, my mind was focused on that actually. It is 6A.M in the morning. Not exactly my best right now, but I can give you a second opinion once you share some info. : )

Bottom line though I think a person's intentions should be clear. No playing with people.

I agree with you. Their intentions should not be mangled, but clear. : )


You do not make examples, you make excuses; you do not solve problems, you shift problems; you do not stand behind your statements, you stand behind your stasis.

Sensationalism
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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:30:42 Reply

At 5/13/12 07:23 AM, Insanctuary wrote:
At 5/13/12 07:17 AM, Sensationalism wrote:

In the case of polygamy where one person chooses to spend the rest of their life with say, three people, I disagree with you. Relationships take work so I imagine it's more complicated and more work the more people are involved. I must say I do respect them for being willing to work that hard to keep all of their spouses content. I really don't think it's easy or more fun.
Do you think anyone actually makes that sort of commitment? 3 on-going promises? I'm sure you know more about it than I do, which is why I'm asking. : )

I'm pretty much basing all my knowledge off of one example I saw on tv. Which is generally not good enough to form a solid opinion of but honestly it doesn't really interest me very much so I have never cared to spend any more time "learning" about people who do this. The group I saw, it did seem very much like it was a commitment that was serious and the intention was for them to be together for the rest of their lives. Each woman would get her own special "date" night and obviously get laid that night too. Even if he was feeling hot for one of his other women, they adamantly stuck to only getting with the woman whose day it was.

I honestly was surprised there were no threesomes or group sex. It did kind of seem a bit like when he'd go and get another woman to marry it was because he was a bit bored of the one/two he was currently with and wanted a new spark. But he did continue to be with all of them and didn't completely abandon the previous wife/wives for the newest one.

What you're talking about also sounds more to me like someone who keeps starting families, then leaves to start another, never sticking with any of them. Which is pretty uncool for anyone to do.
For some reason, my mind was focused on that actually. It is 6A.M in the morning. Not exactly my best right now, but I can give you a second opinion once you share some info. : )

Aha! At least I pretty much understood exactly what you meant! Yeah I should be sleeping now too but don't really want to. We must be in the same timezone.

Bottom line though I think a person's intentions should be clear. No playing with people.
I agree with you. Their intentions should not be mangled, but clear. : )

Nice to agree on something!


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 07:41:19 Reply

At 5/13/12 07:30 AM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 5/13/12 07:23 AM, Insanctuary wrote:
At 5/13/12 07:17 AM, Sensationalism wrote:

In the case of polygamy where one person chooses to spend the rest of their life with say, three people, I disagree with you. Relationships take work so I imagine it's more complicated and more work the more people are involved. I must say I do respect them for being willing to work that hard to keep all of their spouses content. I really don't think it's easy or more fun.
Do you think anyone actually makes that sort of commitment? 3 on-going promises? I'm sure you know more about it than I do, which is why I'm asking. : )
I'm pretty much basing all my knowledge off of one example I saw on tv. Which is generally not good enough to form a solid opinion of but honestly it doesn't really interest me very much so I have never cared to spend any more time "learning" about people who do this. The group I saw, it did seem very much like it was a commitment that was serious and the intention was for them to be together for the rest of their lives. Each woman would get her own special "date" night and obviously get laid that night too. Even if he was feeling hot for one of his other women, they adamantly stuck to only getting with the woman whose day it was.

I'm willing to bet - that just like any other thing seen on TV - it is only showing the side they want us to see. I am not saying that there aren't real commitments, but the way I see humans act every day, I'm willing to say that - IMO - there is always going to be quarrels and secrets behind closes doors.

I honestly was surprised there were no threesomes or group sex. It did kind of seem a bit like when he'd go and get another woman to marry it was because he was a bit bored of the one/two he was currently with and wanted a new spark. But he did continue to be with all of them and didn't completely abandon the previous wife/wives for the newest one.

Said the babysitter (TV) Haha.

What you're talking about also sounds more to me like someone who keeps starting families, then leaves to start another, never sticking with any of them. Which is pretty uncool for anyone to do.
For some reason, my mind was focused on that actually. It is 6A.M in the morning. Not exactly my best right now, but I can give you a second opinion once you share some info. : )
Aha! At least I pretty much understood exactly what you meant! Yeah I should be sleeping now too but don't really want to. We must be in the same timezone.

Yea, I have chronic insomnia. My mind never wants to shut off - ever. I'm always at a constant with this world due to endless contemplation.

Bottom line though I think a person's intentions should be clear. No playing with people.
I agree with you. Their intentions should not be mangled, but clear. : )
Nice to agree on something!

Yes, it is a very marvelous thing to be able to share common ideas. It makes you feel, less alone? That isn't exactly the reason, but you understand the wonderful cohesion I am referring to. : )


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 09:40:12 Reply

I personally think it's all very dependent on a number of things. I think every (average) person goes into a relationship wanting to remain faithful. But if that relationship is based solely on a physical attraction or sex... it's bound to fail sooner or later. Hopefully you go into a relationship with more connections than that. But even then you're not home free. We tend to put on a mask when we are in public. We act differently and as a result, relationships can be built on false connections. Once a person can no longer hold up their mask, things change. Sometimes partners change together and they still find each other enjoyable to be around... other times not so much.

"Insert quote about good intentions not always panning out or something like that"

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 09:43:34 Reply

We can be monogamous, as most penguins are.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 09:56:36 Reply

It's interesting you should mention that, but humans have "evolved" in an unnatural way. Our pursuits are no longer of survival, but of luxury. This, of course, means that laws, rules and restrictions in the societies our forefathers provided us with for our own betterment are supposed to enforce us to stifle our instincts and natural urges and requirements. Don't get me wrong, it's good to stand in the way of unnatural quantities of sexual requirement in terms of power and greed, but we are not a monogamous animal. The sole purpose of our existence is that we should procreate so that our children might live to see daylight and do the same, hunting for food like leaping panthers, tigers, or rather monkeys instead of wasting away, watching television, sitting in front of our computers and toiling to contribute to the society that rids our race of creatures from its very primordial essence.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 09:59:29 Reply

I'd also like to say that I think it's wrong for people to say "Human isn't a monogamous animal" just because they want sex with multiple partners. That's not a simple excuse you can shove into modern-day society as it is. If you have such urges, you need leeway to be able to express them, but not necessarily act upon them. Corrupt as it may be, I feel that I do still believe in a standard of monogamy as a good thing, dedicating my life to one partner as it would be more honorable and less "beastly", as it were. That not necessarily being the case, because I realize that that factor only attributes to us feeling better about ourselves than we really are; especially compared to other animals.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 10:03:16 Reply

Unlike popular opinion, I believe Humans are Monogamous. Basically because of the mother's instinct to care and provide for their children, which isn't always present in other animals.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 10:43:15 Reply

Being monogomous has it's advantages, in days of yore getting a sexually transmitted disease wasn't exactly ideal with the medicine of the time.

It still isn't great getting uncurable shit like herpes.

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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 11:27:00 Reply

I think it's obvious from this thread that your opinion on this matter comes from where you grow up. OP grew up in a family full of monogamous relationships so it will probably be easier for him to have one himself when he decides to settle down. Other people who grew up in divorced families or find many problems with monogamous relationships in their life may choose not to go that route. I think it's strange that this thread is trying to link down one way that humans can live in terms of love. Why not both? I think that's where society is today, a world where relationships work best for the people involved in it rather than the image of society


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 12:14:15 Reply

Some are, some aren't. Polygamy is looked down upon and illegal in most western civilization, but Islam still allows for a man to have at most four wives. So it depends on your culture as well.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 14:18:36 Reply

I think it depends on the individual. It's more convenient to have one, but some people like to get it on with many others.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 14:21:45 Reply

You can choose to be monogamous if you like, but it is clear that people are not institutionally monogamous. With divorce rates around 40-50% and plenty of single parents out there, I don't see how anyone could make the claim that we are a one mate species.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 14:26:30 Reply

Back in the day when populations were just getting started, it was a common practice to have more than one wife at a time to spread their seed faster; but nowadays it's unnecessary since there are so many people everywhere who reproduce daily around the world.

One mate is good enough to spread the genes


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 15:30:51 Reply

It's not in our nature, but it is expected of us in this broken society.


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Response to Are humans monogamous? 2012-05-13 15:32:23 Reply

In most monogamous species, if a mate dies, the other mate goes crazy.

With humans, if a mate dies, the other mate mourns and usually finds another.