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WhatIsLife
WhatIsLife
  • Member since: May. 8, 2012
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Help With My Hobby May. 8th, 2012 @ 06:59 PM Reply

Please enjoy this story I am progressively working on in google documents and comment and rate for me :D

This could help me more than you could believe!

ShaggyJoe
ShaggyJoe
  • Member since: May. 20, 2012
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Response to Help With My Hobby May. 20th, 2012 @ 03:37 AM Reply

Ok, I read it and it was pretty good! But, I do have some small suggestions for you, 1. You should try and use a few more descriptive words, or atleast more advanced, instead of saying that your character is "sad" you could use "It sickens me" or something similar to help make the story more immersive. 2. Go way more into detail then you already have, now don't get me worng you did good so far, but I believe it could use some extra punch to go with it.

All that aside, it was pretty good, but could use some work. Good luck with your new hobby though!