The sequel to "Outpost:Haven"4.06 / 5.00 37,889 Views
Hunt The Candy!!!3.82 / 5.00 11,799 Views
A thrilling rush through cyberspace!3.79 / 5.00 37,862 Views
Ok, I read it and it was pretty good! But, I do have some small suggestions for you, 1. You should try and use a few more descriptive words, or atleast more advanced, instead of saying that your character is "sad" you could use "It sickens me" or something similar to help make the story more immersive. 2. Go way more into detail then you already have, now don't get me worng you did good so far, but I believe it could use some extra punch to go with it.
All that aside, it was pretty good, but could use some work. Good luck with your new hobby though!