Spanking your hamster.

[EyeLovePoozy]

There is a hamster.

His name is Shaky.

He has developed a habit of gnawing at the corners of his overpriced dwelling.

1. He has healthy food (overpriced bird seed).
2. He has interesting toys (most notably two wheels within he may run in, one even that's out of dwelling that he can get to via super awesome fun time hamster tubes, whenever he wants).
3. He's given crunchy treats. (organic baby carrots and stupid pieces of special wood specifically for Shaky to gnaw on).

The problem I pose to you dear reader is that the aforementioned hamster that doesn't exist insists on gnawing at corners.

If this were a real situation, how would you go about spanking Shaky so that he learns not to make that crazy ass "SHROOK SHROOK SHROOK SHROOK" noise when he decides to chew on his expensive house.

I'm looking for an effective spanking fashion that wouldn't actually harm this rhetorical and non existent Shaky....

[bman200]

Spray him with water. If it works with cats, why not hamsters?

[ih8dude]

You could yell at it since it's a pretty fragile creature. Or keep it in it's cage. Or umm put things it hates on places where it likes to gnaw on.

[SevenSeize]

At 5/1/12 09:04 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: There is a hamster.

His name is Shaky.

He has developed a habit of gnawing at the corners of his overpriced dwelling.

1. He has healthy food (overpriced bird seed).
2. He has interesting toys (most notably two wheels within he may run in, one even that's out of dwelling that he can get to via super awesome fun time hamster tubes, whenever he wants).
3. He's given crunchy treats. (organic baby carrots and stupid pieces of special wood specifically for Shaky to gnaw on).

The problem I pose to you dear reader is that the aforementioned hamster that doesn't exist insists on gnawing at corners.

If this were a real situation, how would you go about spanking Shaky so that he learns not to make that crazy ass "SHROOK SHROOK SHROOK SHROOK" noise when he decides to chew on his expensive house.

I'm looking for an effective spanking fashion that wouldn't actually harm this rhetorical and non existent Shaky....

I find that my theoretical small pets gnawed on the cage more when I had one of those fancy rainbow plastic ones with tubes and extra wheels and places to go.

My theoretical small pets now have a wire cage where only the bottom is plastic. (Everything else, including their theoretical wheel is wire).

I bought theoretical branches made for bird cages and hung them on the wire which my small pets that do not exist now like to climb on and chew. They cannot eat their cage anymore. If they existed.

If this thread is about masturbation, then yes.

[VJF]

My father used to put hot sauce on our fingernails when we kept biting them, so when we tried to the next time, it would burn our tongues. Not very effective since I love spicy foods, but it got the point across. That may be something to think about for the Shaky.

You could also take something light, like a feathery pipe cleaner, and everytime you see/hear him bite the corners,whap his nose a little. After doing that a few times, put the pipe cleaner near his home on the outside of the cage where he can see it. When he sees the pipe cleaner, he'll start thinking twice about biting the corners. Eventually, lightly whapping him on the nose when he does it, and seeing the pipe cleaner, could make him stop.

[Richard]

Poozy, why don't you find some sort of foul tasting yet safe for hamsters adhesive that would discourage it from doing that? They make it for dogs. Why not for hamsters?

[Sensationalism]

Play with it/give it more to do.

At 5/1/12 09:26 PM, DickBuns wrote: Poozy, why don't you find some sort of foul tasting yet safe for hamsters adhesive that would discourage it from doing that? They make it for dogs. Why not for hamsters?

They make it for birds too so they don't pick at their own feathers. This would probably work.

[ih8dude]

Make him play a game of "cave explorer" that would be more like him spanking you but it's mutually beneficial.

[bman200]

Another problem is you're feeding this hypothetical hamster bird seed.

[Richard]

At 5/1/12 09:16 PM, VJF wrote:
You could also take something light, like a feathery pipe cleaner, and everytime you see/hear him bite the corners,whap his nose a little. After doing that a few times, put the pipe cleaner near his home on the outside of the cage where he can see it. When he sees the pipe cleaner, he'll start thinking twice about biting the corners. Eventually, lightly whapping him on the nose when he does it, and seeing the pipe cleaner, could make him stop.

Or you know, it could make the hamster aggressive and make him want to bite the shit out of whatever approaches him.

[VJF]

At 5/1/12 09:31 PM, DickBuns wrote: Or you know, it could make the hamster aggressive and make him want to bite the shit out of whatever approaches him.

Eh, well that's just a risk, and life is full of them.

Some war dude once said something like "In life, as well as war, risks are always worth taking".

[gamejunkie]

At 5/1/12 09:04 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: Theoretical Hamster Stuff.

I would not spank theoretical Shaky. I would try putting a theoretical mirror in his envirohub to make him think he's not alone. If he's not lonely, he probably wouldn't chew theoretical corners.

[Richard]

At 5/1/12 09:36 PM, VJF wrote:
Eh, well that's just a risk, and life is full of them.

Some war dude once said something like "In life, as well as war, risks are always worth taking".

You're clearly an idiot. Risks are only worth taking if the pay off is more substantial than the possible consequences.

This is not one of those times.

[VJF]

At 5/1/12 09:40 PM, DickBuns wrote: Risks are only worth taking if the pay off is more substantial than the possible consequences.

This is not one of those times.

Ah, but we are talking theortetically. This hamster doesn't exist, so we will not know and do not know what its reaction would be given the variables of the scenario I put forth in an earlier post. So theoretically, we will not know what this hamster will do.

Whatever will be, will be.

[EyeLovePoozy]

At 5/1/12 09:06 PM, bman200 wrote: Spray him with water. If it works with cats, why not hamsters?

When the theoretical hamster is doing it, he's in his little overpriced sleepy box reached by hamster friendly super fun time tubes.

So in this rhetorical situation I'd have to snap open the box and spray him in his stupid little face.

Which would probably make the possible hamster leap and break its stupid neck as it plummets to the floor.

At 5/1/12 09:09 PM, ih8dude wrote: You could yell at it since it's a pretty fragile creature. Or keep it in it's cage. Or umm put things it hates on places where it likes to gnaw on.

During testing, yelling did nothing positive and yielded only negative results from frightened and/or annoyed people that were sleeping.

Hamsters are nocturnal apparently.

At 5/1/12 09:12 PM, Xyphon202 wrote: Orally.

This is about jerking off, right?

Stop it. Touching your wee-wee makes baby Jesus sad...

:(

At 5/1/12 09:26 PM, DickBuns wrote: Poozy, why don't you find some sort of foul tasting yet safe for hamsters adhesive that would discourage it from doing that? They make it for dogs. Why not for hamsters?

Adhesive? Wouldn't that glue non existent stupid's mouth to the wall?

At 5/1/12 09:28 PM, Sensationalism wrote: Play with it/give it more to do.

In this scenario, the non existent Shaky has a ball he's put into and given free roam of not only the house but the front and back yard

At 5/1/12 09:26 PM, DickBuns wrote: Poozy, why don't you find some sort of foul tasting yet safe for hamsters adhesive that would discourage it from doing that? They make it for dogs. Why not for hamsters?

They make it for birds too so they don't pick at their own feathers. This would probably work.

So you agree that the hamster should end up with his face glued to the corner?

___________

So far the best solutions for this theoretical problem are:

1. Disposing of Shaky's mansion and placing it within a wire cage with no distractions except for fat juicy tits walking by sometimes.

2. Yelling at it.

3. Whapping it on the nose with a feather.

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

I know nothing about hamsters. But when my brother had pet rats, we got them to quit chewing by getting them something more delicious to chew on than plastic. I don't quite remember what it was made of though.

[CritcalOne]

Put a drip of hot sauce in his water feeder. Spanking it like a human will grievously harm.

[Squidbit]

At 5/1/12 09:04 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: I'm looking for an effective spanking fashion that wouldn't actually harm this rhetorical and non existent Shaky....

I'm pretty sure you mean hypothetical, not rhetorical.

[WadeFulp]

Pellet gun.

[Sensationalism]

I guess I didn't mean adhesive. Something similar to this.

http://www.vetshoponline.com/Stop-Pick-Spray-for-Caged-Birds -250-ml-P265C150.aspx

With birds when you want them to stop doing a behavior, you need to do something about it right away. If it chews up your plant and a few hours later you punish it, it makes absolutely no connection to the plant. So I don't know, clicker, make an annoying sound, do something to him every time you catch him and maybe he'll stop. I think this is where that one person was going with the spray bottle.

[Richard]

Pardon me for using the word adhesive instead of another more appropriate word.

[Loki]

Kill it and get a rabbit. They don't thend to do that and they're not ugly like hamsters.

[kisame]

Flick him on the nose. Thast's how I dealt with my ferret when she would bite people.

[Richard]

At 5/1/12 11:23 PM, Gambit wrote: Kill it and get a rabbit. They don't thend to do that and they're not ugly like hamsters.

Rabbits are also incredibly easy to gut, skin, and cook.

[MoriChax]

Hamsters dont learn well.
Best thing to do is just get something similar for him to gnaw on.

[Dosensuppen]

Don't keep non-existent shaky. You'll never have that non-existent problem.

[EyeLovePoozy]

At 5/1/12 09:30 PM, bman200 wrote: Another problem is you're feeding this hypothetical hamster bird seed.

Hypothetical Shaky is hypothetically fed brand name hamster food. Which mainly consists of bird seed, sunflower seeds and orange crunchy things. There are other things in there like green triangles and crystallized unicorn fartsicles, encapsulated in purple rings.

At 5/1/12 09:37 PM, gamejunkie wrote:

At 5/1/12 09:04 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: Theoretical Hamster Stuff.

I would not spank theoretical Shaky. I would try putting a theoretical mirror in his envirohub to make him think he's not alone. If he's not lonely, he probably wouldn't chew theoretical corners.

Possible hamster has a mirror, as well as all the trappings a coddled critter could use and enjoy.

At 5/1/12 09:51 PM, Squidbit wrote:

At 5/1/12 09:04 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: I'm looking for an effective spanking fashion that wouldn't actually harm this rhetorical and non existent Shaky....

I'm pretty sure you mean hypothetical, not rhetorical.

I meant rhetorical.

As in I posed a question rhetorically to any person squid related.

At 5/1/12 10:27 PM, Sensationalism wrote: I guess I didn't mean adhesive. Something similar to this.

http://www.vetshoponline.com/Stop-Pick-Spray-for-Caged-Birds -250-ml-P265C150.aspx

With birds when you want them to stop doing a behavior, you need to do something about it right away. If it chews up your plant and a few hours later you punish it, it makes absolutely no connection to the plant. So I don't know, clicker, make an annoying sound, do something to him every time you catch him and maybe he'll stop. I think this is where that one person was going with the spray bottle.

I clicked it and that shit is for birds. We are speaking about a hypothetical hamster that may be rhetorical...

At 5/1/12 11:23 PM, Gambit wrote: Kill it and get a rabbit. They don't thend to do that and they're not ugly like hamsters.

Don't they shit harder and eat more?

At 5/1/12 11:30 PM, LaForge wrote: if i ever became unhappy with a hamster or small, personality-devoid creature, i'd feed to a larger, more interesting animal for sustenance.

but if you were to insist on keeping a theoretical hamster as a pet, i doubt spanking would be an effective disciplinary option. consider using your idea-money to buy a non-existent hamster that doesn't chew rhetorical corners.

Nose flicking seems mean, like I stated earlier.

Their noses are very sensitive.

One could just lightly remove him him from his hamster mansion and lightly spank him on his fuzzy ass.

Right?

That is the question...

[Richard]

Try spraying it with water like you would a cat.

[EyeLovePoozy]

At 5/2/12 12:50 AM, DecimatorOmega wrote: DON'T DO THAT!

Hamsters don't live very long. Mine died when I was 11.

Just let him be.

Don't do what?

This is a hypothetical (rhetorical if you're squid related) thread.

No one is giving pow-pow to a possible Shaky.

______

Off topic, when I was a kid I owned a male and female set of hamsters. They were those purplish ones that are tiny.

Anyway, at the same time I also bred and raised oscars, wolf fish and piranha.

When big balls decided to start cumming inside of his bitch, I started saving money on food for the other animals.

The Oscar would gulp a pup in one fell swoop, the piranha would take turns stripping the flesh, the wolf fish behaved the same as the Oscar.

______

All that is besides the point.

[Loki]

At 5/2/12 12:46 AM, EyeLovePoozy wrote:

At 5/1/12 11:23 PM, Gambit wrote: Kill it and get a rabbit. They don't thend to do that and they're not ugly like hamsters.

Don't they shit harder and eat more?

They don't eat that much. Hay and stuff, cheap stuff. Veggies leftovers. Etc.

They poop a lot, but you can train them to do it in a litter. Just like a cat. They're very smart and they make 0 noises.