New Story of Mine: Prologue

[CrazySquirrel124]

Guys, I've been writing this short story for the past couple weeks, and I want you to tell me what you think of the prologue. This will pretty much tell the background behind the story here. Tell me what you think!

Crazy Squirrel

Prologue
The Beginning

This tale could be regarded as legend, or as mere heresy. But whatever you think occurred is for you to decide. The real answer however, lies in the stars above...

Eons ago, before all had been created, there existed two omnipotent beings. Mother Nature and Father Time. Mother Nature, with the power of the elements, created the earth, the mountains, and the oceans. Father Time, with the laws of the Universe, rose from the ground all which moved about. They watched over the world they created, from outside of reality itself.

Pleased with their work, they had an idea. They pooled together their immense powers over time and space, and created six more beautiful worlds. There were now seven worlds which Mother Nature and Father Time watched over. They were proud of their work. And they needed rest.

They were tired. Even though they had limitless power, creating the seven worlds exhausted them. Mother Nature and Father Time then lied down in the stars together and rested for countless millennia. They felt confident to leave their creations in the hand of fate.

When Mother Nature and Father Tine had awoken from their eternal slumber, they looked down upon the Universe and noticed something terrible...

Each of the seven worlds had been cast into evil shadows by malevolent beings. They were torn apart by war, famine, uprising, and unrest. And none had the power to stop the darkness from spreading.

With the power regained from their slumber, they decided to stop the evil forces. They created seven beings, pure of heart, to descend down to the corrupted realms and cleanse the world of evil. These beings became known as the Heronicans; the Heroes of Light.

From the heavens, they came down to the worlds and battled evil in a war of the ages, never to be forgotten. With the powers over time and space entrusted to them, they cast away the forces of evil and restored the worlds to their former peace.

After they defeated the evils, their spirits ascended into the sky, leaving the now repaired worlds behind them. However, Mother Nature and Father Time informed them that when the time came, they would be reborn into the worlds to save the people once again. However, they were never told when this destiny shall be fulfilled.

This time is drawing near, and they shall be born into us. However, nobody knows who it will be. But when the time comes, the new Heroes of Light will be reborn into new bodies and save us once again...

[Deathcon7]

At 4/27/12 06:45 PM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: Guys, I've been writing this short story for the past couple weeks, and I want you to tell me what you think of the prologue. This will pretty much tell the background behind the story here. Tell me what you think!

I'm sorry but I cannot subscribe to the notion that this is a prologue. I don't say that to be mean, but the entire "prologue" all you're doing is telling backstory/data-dumping. This would be better as a forward before a story. Remember that if you want to show the story, not simply tell it. For reference, here's another example of this same issue: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1303216

Please be sure to at least read my review as you could also benefit from it.

[CrazySquirrel124]

At 4/27/12 09:03 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:

At 4/27/12 06:45 PM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: Guys, I've been writing this short story for the past couple weeks, and I want you to tell me what you think of the prologue. This will pretty much tell the background behind the story here. Tell me what you think!

I'm sorry but I cannot subscribe to the notion that this is a prologue. I don't say that to be mean, but the entire "prologue" all you're doing is telling backstory/data-dumping. This would be better as a forward before a story. Remember that if you want to show the story, not simply tell it. For reference, here's another example of this same issue: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1303216

Please be sure to at least read my review as you could also benefit from it.

To be honest, I couldn't really think of the right term for this. I guess backstory would be a better term for this chapter. The next couple chapters really go into the early life of the main character. Or would that be backstory, too?

[CrazySquirrel124]

Nobody else wants to comment? Ok.

[DeftAndEvil]

At 4/28/12 01:10 AM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: Nobody else wants to comment? Ok.

Not really. I mean, you can't just come in here and expect a bunch of (mostly undeserved) attention. You should read other peoples' work and comment on it. Besides making you a better writer/reader, this will help the forum, and might convince others to read your work (reciprocity).

[Deathcon7]

At 4/28/12 01:57 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote:

At 4/28/12 01:10 AM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: Nobody else wants to comment? Ok.

Not really. I mean, you can't just come in here and expect a bunch of (mostly undeserved) attention. You should read other peoples' work and comment on it. Besides making you a better writer/reader, this will help the forum, and might convince others to read your work (reciprocity).

Exactly.

Also, what you have to realize is that, beside what I've said, there isn't much else to say. Quality of writing, level of interest in the story, it can't be commented on because, as stated, this is a forward and not an actual story. What your next step should be is to isolate your story within this world you've built, and start working on that. Maybe even post up a snippet of your outline. I would be happy to comment on that, or help with direction, pacing, etc. You just have to work with us here, y'know?

[CrazySquirrel124]

Exactly.

Also, what you have to realize is that, beside what I've said, there isn't much else to say. Quality of writing, level of interest in the story, it can't be commented on because, as stated, this is a forward and not an actual story. What your next step should be is to isolate your story within this world you've built, and start working on that. Maybe even post up a snippet of your outline. I would be happy to comment on that, or help with direction, pacing, etc. You just have to work with us here, y'know?

The next 3 chapters explain the very early life of the main character, Kayne. I guess that would be a better prologue, because everything after that is told from his point of view, while the three chapters before that are told from an omnipotent third-person point of view.

[Deathcon7]

At 4/28/12 03:07 PM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: The next 3 chapters explain the very early life of the main character, Kayne. I guess that would be a better prologue, because everything after that is told from his point of view, while the three chapters before that are told from an omnipotent third-person point of view.

Where the story "starts" and where you start it could be two drastically different things. Remember that when you're telling a story you want to start In Medias Res. This will allow you to, within the scope of the narrative, conveniently deliver pertinent background information in dialogue, flashbacks, or any other device you want to use. The issue with starting a story Ab Initio is you have to go through the exposition of setting the story up. This can be extremely boring. If a novel tried to push me through three chapters of exposition, I'd burn it on the spot.

Note, my favorite author used exposition to set up each of his novels. It's typically 2 or 3 paragraphs describing the nature of the world, and a wind that blows. He follows that wind through its path until it intersects the character whose perspective will take priority in that chapter. It's stylized, he gives poignant information regarding the world and makes it work for him. It's poetic. Any more exposition, though, and the spell would be broken.

Here's an exercise for you: pick up a book, any book, and read the first couple pages, then read what you've written. You want to bridge the divergences you'll find so that you'll be on target. Background inforamation, blah blah blah stuff, that should be between the lines, left for interpretation.

Anyway, I'm beating this horse into a pulp. I'll stop. Just keep in mind what I've said.

[CrazySquirrel124]

At 4/28/12 05:11 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:

At 4/28/12 03:07 PM, CrazySquirrel124 wrote: The next 3 chapters explain the very early life of the main character, Kayne. I guess that would be a better prologue, because everything after that is told from his point of view, while the three chapters before that are told from an omnipotent third-person point of view.

Where the story "starts" and where you start it could be two drastically different things. Remember that when you're telling a story you want to start In Medias Res. This will allow you to, within the scope of the narrative, conveniently deliver pertinent background information in dialogue, flashbacks, or any other device you want to use. The issue with starting a story Ab Initio is you have to go through the exposition of setting the story up. This can be extremely boring. If a novel tried to push me through three chapters of exposition, I'd burn it on the spot.

Note, my favorite author used exposition to set up each of his novels. It's typically 2 or 3 paragraphs describing the nature of the world, and a wind that blows. He follows that wind through its path until it intersects the character whose perspective will take priority in that chapter. It's stylized, he gives poignant information regarding the world and makes it work for him. It's poetic. Any more exposition, though, and the spell would be broken.

Here's an exercise for you: pick up a book, any book, and read the first couple pages, then read what you've written. You want to bridge the divergences you'll find so that you'll be on target. Background inforamation, blah blah blah stuff, that should be between the lines, left for interpretation.

Anyway, I'm beating this horse into a pulp. I'll stop. Just keep in mind what I've said.

One more little thing: There are events later in the story that will be explained in ways such as flashback and dialogue referencing to events prior to the story. While we learn about the main character's life, we'll also learn about extensive history of the world in which the story takes place, where other characters come from, and more.

Ever played Ocarina of Time, Skyward Sword, or Wind Waker? I'm using a layout similar to those, even though they are video games. They tell the history of the world at the beginning, but go much more in depth the further you go along. I'm not dumping all of the information at the beginning, just what leaves in impression in the reader's mind as to what the story is going to be about.