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BizzyB73
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Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-27 14:00:57 Reply

Would like to know if you guys are at all interested in this story i have come up with. Show support for it if you do, constructive criticism is welcome as well. If you guys show that you like it, i will continue to post more chapters as i come up with them. The overall story may not be apparent here, having very little character focus in this chapter, but this chapter is just more a set-up for the main story.

Chapter One

First Contact

April 28, 2092

The biggest story in human history, our first contact with alien life. Their ship, large enough to house thousands, it crashed somewhere in Algeria, April 26, 2014. We didn't know what to expect, this was unreal to every human being on the planet. The only logical option was to prepare for a hostile response, and we did. The collective military might of all global superpowers, deployed immediately to the location. The logical option is usually the correct one, and this case only confirms that. On April 28, 2014, the doors of the ship opened, and out poured the plague.

From every opening in the damaged ship, the creatures poured out, their very presence corrupting the land around them. They moved with quickness, agility, and were at forward military base in a matter of minuets. While they seamed not to use weapons, they used their limbs, almost like animals, clawing, swinging, and biting at anything near by. They oozed a dark substance, never found out what it was, wasn't really the priority in a situation like that. We did suffer its effects however. That substance, it looks to be their equivalent of blood, when it came into contact with humans however...it became a sort of a mutagen. While still maintaining their basic shape and form, they did change, becoming one of those...things. It looked like the transformation was hell, but if those old zombie movies have taught us one thing, its that once they are infected, shoot, they are dead anyways.

We thought ourselves invincible, The apex of intelligence, Earth was ours, and it would remain so. It was said that this would be only a "minor setback" to humanity, a simple stumble in our cosmic journey. This was said as they rapidly spread across Africa, into the Middle East, and though they were met with stiff opposition every step of the way, they only kept coming. Sure, nukes would have been the logical option, back then, when they were contained to a, on the global scale, small area, but i guess no one had the sense to see it quick enough before the aliens made it over-seas. America, Russia, China, Canada, what would they do now that the enemy was here, coming for them, right at home. The answer was simple. They, along with most of civilization, would die. This simple stumble would be one that humanity may never recover from.

The eradication of a race is a slow process, even for those monsters. Though they hit fast and hard, it was the well populated areas that fell the quickest, with less populated areas having a decent chance at survival, if only for the fact that they may just go unnoticed. Making things easier was the fact that after the initial blitz, the aliens just seamed to break off, just becoming unorganized mobs wandering the planet rather than the solid, continuous flood they once were. Encounters became actually survivable, not easy in any way, but survivable. The few cities and towns that remained intact became forts, locals doing whatever they could to defend their home. Many still died, even more turned, but we at least had one thing going for us, guns. Thank god for guns. To get into a fistfight with one of those things would be suicide, as long as we could keep them at a distance, we at least felt a small bit safer. The aliens appear to have, both in their possession and sometimes even on their person, very advanced and destructive weapons and general technology. It is odd that very few actually make use of it, but better not to question good fortune.

We were once the hunters, the alpha species on this planet. We took what we wanted with little regard for anything else, but guess our time on top is over. We are now the hunted, we finally remember what it is to truly fear. Any structure able to be fortified was done so quickly. There were some still intact towns, though all inside quickly having to become very self sufficient. Those that couldn't did the only thing that made sense, move. Many people became nomads, exiles in their own land. We scavenged what we could, their technology was an especially valued thing to find. Though we did not have many uses or understanding of their tech back then, it was always a nice reminder to people that these things can, will, and are being killed.

A man can only run for so long though, he can only lose so much before he feels has nothing left. It is at that point he is at his most dangerous, because it is at that point he will stand his ground, he will fight, and he will either succeed or die. The great fortress city of Haven was only possible because of such people, a bastion of humanity, the first, true, post-contact city. It was where a group of survivors made their last stand when it was nothing but a husk of a city, near the Mediterranean Sea, in Libya. It was the best, maybe even last, hope for humanity, and it is where this story begins...

BizzyB73
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-27 14:02:11 Reply

Disregard the April 28, 2094 at the beginning

Gunmage
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-27 14:56:52 Reply

Not bad!


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Deathcon7
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-27 20:58:43 Reply

At 4/27/12 02:56 PM, Gunmage wrote: Not bad!

Be constructive in the future; explain yourself.

@OP: Have you ever heard of the phrase "Show don't tell?" It means when you're telling a story, you're supposed to show with your words, not tell with them. The entire post is just telling us what's happening, like a recap. That's something you typically reserve for just before you jump into your story. In this case, my recommendation is to figure out your story, and tell it from a more appropriate point, rather than simply dumping it all on us. For example, the alien's arrival would make a great story, albeit trite. You also have a lot of opportunity between "now" and "then." I'm sorry, but as things stand this should not be considered a chapter. It shouldn't even be considered a preface. I'd say this is more of a forward, before you get into the story proper.

Good luck.

BizzyB73
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-28 04:19:46 Reply

At 4/27/12 08:58 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:
At 4/27/12 02:56 PM, Gunmage wrote: Not bad!
Be constructive in the future; explain yourself.

@OP: Have you ever heard of the phrase "Show don't tell?" It means when you're telling a story, you're supposed to show with your words, not tell with them. The entire post is just telling us what's happening, like a recap. That's something you typically reserve for just before you jump into your story. In this case, my recommendation is to figure out your story, and tell it from a more appropriate point, rather than simply dumping it all on us. For example, the alien's arrival would make a great story, albeit trite. You also have a lot of opportunity between "now" and "then." I'm sorry, but as things stand this should not be considered a chapter. It shouldn't even be considered a preface. I'd say this is more of a forward, before you get into the story proper.

Good luck.

I thought this intro might be problematic. I never could figure out a way i liked to tell the back-story within the actual story, as the actual story begins near 100 years from now, which is around when these events begin. An explanation just never felt like a good fit anywhere in the story, i had thought of a few possible ways, but they all just felt forced in. I understand (i think) what you are saying, and you are right in saying this is not a proper chapter, though i guess i never really meant it to be, just more a back-story. I will be posting chapter two soon, and that i do consider a proper chapter. I would love to hear your opinion on it once it is up.

Deathcon7
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-28 11:21:58 Reply

At 4/28/12 04:19 AM, BizzyB73 wrote: I thought this intro might be problematic. I never could figure out a way i liked to tell the back-story within the actual story, as the actual story begins near 100 years from now, which is around when these events begin. An explanation just never felt like a good fit anywhere in the story, i had thought of a few possible ways, but they all just felt forced in. I understand (i think) what you are saying, and you are right in saying this is not a proper chapter, though i guess i never really meant it to be, just more a back-story. I will be posting chapter two soon, and that i do consider a proper chapter. I would love to hear your opinion on it once it is up.

You see, that's what is so FUN about writing. Integrating this information into the story, building the world alongside your characters and the plot. A data dump is just so blase and sucks the fun out of the whole process. If you want, think of this as just another character, with a clearly defined character arc. It'll bring the world to life. I'll look forward to reading what you post up next.

BizzyB73
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Response to Haven: Chapter One 2012-04-29 12:26:49 Reply

Chapter Two up