Best Way To Fuck A...

[BasedBubbus]

Alright, any ideas on how I would sufficiently have sex with a poptart? They're so thin.

It's very difficult to fir your penis in the tiny slit of a poptart, without breaking the whole tart. I've tried toasting it first to see if it would loosen up for me, but It just cauterized my pee hole closed and now I can't even ejaculate in the first place.

Should I just give up on the Poptart altogether and go for a Toaster Strudel?

[Nor]

Cut a hole in the middle, then there you go.

[saqwert]

Open all the poptart bags in the box and align them
Fuck 8 poptarts simultaneously
Transcend reality

[BasedBubbus]

At 4/26/12 06:39 PM, NightOwlRoost wrote: Cut a hole in the middle, then there you go.

That kind of defeats my purpose. I want to feel the gush of the Poptart filling.

[MrPercie]

Well I would start with foreplay by licking its jammy centre before confessing I have a Vorarephilia fetish before eating it.

[Nor]

At 4/26/12 06:40 PM, MiloBased wrote:

At 4/26/12 06:39 PM, NightOwlRoost wrote: Cut a hole in the middle, then there you go.

That kind of defeats my purpose. I want to feel the gush of the Poptart filling.

cut a hole on the side, a very small hole, put lube on then there.

[MushookieMan]

You have to wrap it in duct tape first, so when it inevitably breaks apart it's still stays together in a fuckable bunch.

[Skaren]

Jesus Christ, kids, can't we figure anything out on our own?

[BasedBubbus]

At 4/26/12 06:41 PM, NightOwlRoost wrote:

At 4/26/12 06:40 PM, MiloBased wrote:

At 4/26/12 06:39 PM, NightOwlRoost wrote: Cut a hole in the middle, then there you go.

That kind of defeats my purpose. I want to feel the gush of the Poptart filling.

cut a hole on the side, a very small hole, put lube on then there.

Owl, I don't think you get this. The side is no different than the top or bottom of the tart. And lube would just destroy the whole process and be offensive at the same time.

[Nor]

At 4/26/12 06:45 PM, MiloBased wrote:

Owl, I don't think you get this. The side is no different than the top or bottom of the tart. And lube would just destroy the whole process and be offensive at the same time.

Damnit milo, ok....here suck on it's pussy.

[hitman1993]

Shave down your penis with an industrial grinder until it is thin enough to fuck the poptart without breaking it.

[Sanch]

take two poptarts and put your dick in between

or ram them inside your ass

[BasedBubbus]

At 4/26/12 06:52 PM, Sanch wrote: take two poptarts and put your dick in between

or ram them inside your ass

Tried the anal, the corners gave me small paper like cuts before they broke. And like I told Owl, I want to feel the gush

[Finalfina]

dude... Just warm up a whole box or two, then mash them all up, put them in some sort of container. Bam. Sex with sweet, warm, and juicy poptarts.

[Nor]

Basedmilo, look.
First lick it...then slowly start nibbling it.
Don't worry it will moan!
Then when you get it to moan hard enough
jelly/whatever will gush out! SPEWING YOUR FACE WITH STICKINESS.

[Jesse-Ray]

Travel to Australia, were poptarts are next to unobtainable. Offer many (many many) women the chance to have a poptart for sex.

Seriously I can't believe some nations eat them as a breakfast.

[Sanch]

At 4/26/12 06:54 PM, MiloBased wrote: Tried the anal, the corners gave me small paper like cuts before they broke. And like I told Owl, I want to feel the gush

well break them up first dumbass, or just crush em while jerking

poptards are horribly overrated anyway, they don't have any gush it's like eating toothpaste

[BasedBubbus]

At 4/26/12 07:09 PM, Sanch wrote:

At 4/26/12 06:54 PM, MiloBased wrote: Tried the anal, the corners gave me small paper like cuts before they broke. And like I told Owl, I want to feel the gush

well break them up first dumbass, or just crush em while jerking

Well what's the pleasure in that? I want to feel the whole thing.

poptards are horribly overrated anyway, they don't have any gush it's like eating toothpaste

So, Strudel?

[tox]

you want to what now

[ModernPatriot]

- Take several poptarts, and put them in toaster.

- Then put them in the blender.

- Pour warm milk, and a little bit of flower in the blender.

- Turn blender on, and leave it on until contents are at desired consistency.

- Apply substance to genitalia.

- Stroke.

And that is how you have sex with poptarts.

[Finalfina]

At 4/26/12 07:25 PM, ModernPatriot wrote: - Take several poptarts, and put them in toaster.

- Then put them in the blender.

- Pour warm milk, and a little bit of flower in the blender.

- Turn blender on, and leave it on until contents are at desired consistency.

- Apply substance to genitalia.

- Stroke.

And that is how you have sex with poptarts.

This is pretty much an upgraded version of my post and i agree with it entirely.

[TheLukeinator]

Screw the poptart, why not just stick your dick in the toaster?

[Finalfina]

At 4/26/12 07:57 PM, TheLukeinator wrote: Screw the poptart,

THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS

[Zippy-MyMusic]

What flavor of poptart is this? This will strongly affect my answer.

[Ta-kun]

Use protection you don't want to get some infection from someone who didn't clean their hands at the factory where it came from do you?

[Rallard]

At 4/26/12 06:44 PM, Skaren wrote: Jesus Christ, kids, can't we figure anything out on our own?

Doing that only applies when a question is asked that can easily be solved by a google search. What does typing in "best way to fuck a poptart" come up with in google? Totally irrelevant results such as "fuck a poptart, toaster strudles are better," how to fry poptarts, and stuff like that.

I'm starting to recognize you on NG simply because a blue pony is always followed by a stupid post.

Be proud. I don't remember anyone on Newgrounds other than the biggest morons. Welcome aboard, Skaren.

[EyeLovePoozy]

You are wasting your time, dummy.

1. Get a brand new jug of mayo.
2. Nuke it a bit.
3. Unroll a condom and stretch the opening across the jug.
4. Spit on your wee-wee.
5. Fuck the warm mayo jug while orally ejaculating things such as:

FUCK YEAH AHHHHHH!
MAYONNAISE IS MY BIIIITCH!

Etc, etc.

you're welcome

[Raab]

Come now, Milobased....
The best way to fuck a poptart is by not fucking a poptart at all, dear boy.

[BasedBubbus]

At 4/26/12 08:47 PM, EyeLovePoozy wrote: You are wasting your time, dummy.

1. Get a brand new jug of mayo.
2. Nuke it a bit.
3. Unroll a condom and stretch the opening across the jug.
4. Spit on your wee-wee.
5. Fuck the warm mayo jug while orally ejaculating things such as:

FUCK YEAH AHHHHHH!
MAYONNAISE IS MY BIIIITCH!

Etc, etc.

you're welcome

I dont think Im that hardcore, also the poptart is Blueberry.

[Finalfina]

At 4/26/12 09:00 PM, MiloBased wrote:
I dont think Im that hardcore, also the poptart is Blueberry.

Wait... Doesn't blueberry have those little razors also known as sprinkles on them???