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For fear of plagiarism, I'll keep this brief. This is an anime/manga, though preferably anime, set in a steam-punk era in a fictional world. It's about a character named Hayyan. He is a Homunculus, a breed of human-like creatures created by alchemists. They are completely indistinguishable from a normal human until they transform. They don an intricate suit of armor (which is pretty hard to describe). During their transformation, the homunculus draws their own unique weapon. Hayyan has a crossbow.
All Homunculus hate humans. Homunculus lead a painful, tortured existence and blame humans for creating them. They like to think of themselves as superior to humanity which is another place there is conflict. Contrary to Homunculus there are creatures called Anthroparions, which are like Homunculus but much more beastly and less organized. Each of the two species have there own society, the collected desert Homunculus society and the scatterd swamp Anrthroparion society. Hayyan has been banished from the Homunculus order and spends his time hunting other Homunculus. The show picks starts as the Anthroparion society mysteriously begins to change. Again, for fear of plagiarism, I'm leaving out why Hayyan kills other Homunculi, who the main villain is, how Anthroparions are created and what is happening to their society.
So what do you think? Questions? Constructive criticism? Suggestions?
At 4/23/12 10:15 PM, Micd00gs wrote: So what do you think? Questions? Constructive criticism? Suggestions?
It's ironic you'd be afraid of plagiarism when you borrow so heavily from Full Metal Alchemist. Either way, an idea does not a story make, and should only be considered a fourth of the process. What's the milieu? Who are the characters? What's happening? You briefly touch on these but it's so shallow there's no way to draw any conclusions.
My suggestion is: don't rely on the community for your motivation. If you're afraid of hitting walls, well, it'll be at those points you'll turn to us for help. Until then, either offer more for constructive commentary to be made upon, or work on this.
You should know that FMA, love it as I do, did not create the ideas of Homunculi, alchemy, or even the philosopher's stone. These ideas all originate in the alchemic science which is no longer practiced. As FMA did, my story also draws heavily from alchemic history. Full Metal Alchemist, did their research and named the seven homunculi in the show after the seven deadly sins, my homunculi are nothing like that interpretation. That'd be like saying anyone who used an orc or goblin in a story was plagiarizing LOTR.
Apart from that, thank you for the constructive criticism.
Don't know if one can really put much input on this.
Deathcon's right about one thing; an Idea is only a fourth of the process.
You're going to have to write up some drafts, and bring it to people you DO trust who can give you the right criticism, preferably friends who may know their plots.
Once you get an actual product down, then input will become much more accurate.
"A BLIND, DEAF, COMATOSE, LOBOTOMY PATIENT COULD FEEL, MY ANGER "
At 4/26/12 08:50 PM, Micd00gs wrote: You should know that FMA, love it as I do, did not create the ideas of Homunculi, alchemy, or even the philosopher's stone...
I was being incisive, and it appears I was correct. Like I said, good luck. You're in a really difficult position and run the risk of getting too close to FMA in premise and character. The line between veiled fan-fic and original piece will become increasingly difficult if you're not extremely cautious.
You also want to avoid drawing inadvertent comparisons. In this case, even though these things did not originate with FMA, you'll be in direct competition as soon as the similarities are noticed. Kids your age may not even bother giving you the benefit of the doubt, and may pass on your story as being a rip-off.
Please keep these things in mind as you proceed. I look forward to seeing the finished result.