Old idea I got after watching a cheesy movie on encore. Figured i would post it here see if anyone likes it. Critisism is expected, and appreciated. I don't think it works too well on paper.
Hero: Foul worshiper of the foul demon i have come to avenge the death of my families and fulfill my destiny that my ancestors have bestowed upon me. With this spear i can slay your lord and send him back to the depths from which he arises.
Worshiper: Good because you are too late the ritual is complete and my master will soon end this world mwahhahaha.
The Hero kills the worshiper just as a fiery gateway opens in the ground. Out of the gate comes the demi god the hero has sworn to stop.
Hero: For centuries my family line has dreaded this day. For ages we have trained to stop your return. Now the final hour is hear. I shall not falter. I shall not give into to fear. I shall stop you foul demon it is my destiny. It is my fate.
Demon: Who are you talking to buddy
Hero: With this blessed holy spear i shall finish you off. Now return to hell where you belong.
The hero throws the spear but the Demon quickly dodges it and picks it up.
Demon: What the hell you dickhead that was completely irresponsible. Whats wrong with you!
The demon snaps the spear in half and tosses it on the ground. A look of pure shock takes over the hero's face.
Demon: Damn that could have been nasty.
Hero: I have failed whats going to become of the world now? How could this happen?
Demon: Well you have to be careful with weapons they hurt people. Why did you throw that at me?
Hero: I did it so that the world would not end. So that you would not end it. Now there is no hope.
Demon: Hahaha Are you kidding me? why would anyone want to end the world? What are they going to do when they are done sit around and play with themselves. I don't want to end the world i just got back. The first thing I'm doing is heading to the nearest bar and getting shitfaced after that I'm going mountain climbing. Then sooner or later I'm hoping to get lucky.
Hero: So everything i did was in vain. I did all of this for nothing.
Demon: You need to lighten listening to you is getting pretty depressing. Why are you being such a whiny little bitch. (Changes his tone)I mean bad things happen sometimes and then you just need to cheer up. Enjoy life a little have some fun.
Hero: My entire family was killed in front of my eyes. They made me watch as they peeled their skin from their skulls and fucked their eye sockets.
Demon: What that is messed up. Who did that they sound like a bunch of assholes you gottta get them back for that. I'll help don't even ask i'm going to enjoy it.
Hero: It was your cult that did that. They were sacrificed so that you could be resurrected. My entire life is ruined because of you.
Demon: How was that my fault?
Hero: It was your cult! they worshiped you!
Demon: Well i was dead man what was i supposed to do tell them to stop worshiping me? So where are they now? Since they worship me I'm going to want them around but I'll get to apologize it's the least i could do after all. The very least. So no hard feeling alright.
Hero: They are all dead i murdered them all.
Demon: Well good job So you have nothing to be mad about anymore.
Hero: They even robbed and plundered all of the wealth from the region.
Demon: What did they do with it.
Hero: It's over there.
Demon: I better return this to the economy right away. I'm off to spend as much as i can immediately.
Hero: But people will starve without that money
Demon: That's a good point it's been 2 thousand years since the last time i ate.
Hero: But that belongs to the people of the region.
Demon:(as he stuffed sacks full of coins) Does anyone mind if i take this. I don't hear anyone i guess it's ok.
Hero: I mind.
Demon: Well in that case i'm just gonna have to buy you something nice. I'll be real generous too! How about a hat?
Hero: A hat? How is a hat going to change anything. I have failed my ancestors. Everyone i have ever known and loved is dead. Entire villages were destroyed. Thousands of people are living in fear, and you are going to let it all happen. What is a hat going to do?
Demon: Some of them can keep the sun out of your eyes. Yours look real red.
Hero: I don't want a hat. It's not going to fix any of the damage caused by you and your cult.
Demon: I didn't do anything. I just got here. Do you blame all of your problems on other people.
Hero: Other people caused all my problems.
Demon: well you can be a guy who's life was ruined who has no hat, or you can be a guy who's life was ruined with one.
Hero: Fuck your hat.
Demon: Ok then see you later.