Be a Supporter!

Bladewarriors: Renewed

  • 223 Views
  • 3 Replies
New Topic Respond to this Topic
GlaciesFlamma
GlaciesFlamma
  • Member since: Feb. 11, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 02
Blank Slate
Bladewarriors: Renewed 2012-02-16 03:29:09 Reply

Hello!

So, I'm trying to spread my story around a bit to drive up interest on it and hopefully get some decent feedback and constructive criticism. I've been writing now - seriously - for just over a decade, and the story I'm sharing here is actual a re-write of the first story I ever finished, updated and reworked now that I have a much better understanding of character development, plot, and wording. Plus better spelling and grammar helps too!

I'll try and update here every day or so until I actually catch up with where I am. if you really like the story, it's up in "full" at fictionpress.com. Or you can find it by clicking this link!. If you don't like, that's fine too. I'm happy to hear that, as long as you can explain why you don't like it intelligently. Otherwise, I'll likely just ignore you. >.>

------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
Teaser:

Eight Mystic Blades of untold power. Four uncertain wielders, thrust into adventure. One impossible quest to free the world. When the Gods fall, and the world is left in the cruel hands of a beast, can these conscripted warriors band together and succeed?

------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------
Prologue

In the beginning, there was âEU" as there always is âEU" nothing. Existence was empty, and time was meaningless âEU" a vacant void of everlasting and ever-encompassing proportions. And then, from this nothing, there was something. A being whom created his own existence âEU" a man who could not be called a man: the god of all creation, Kamentheon.

With a power of creation strong enough to bring himself into existence, creating the cosmos was but a small task. Once the stars were born, the god of everything turned his attention to the land. Kamentheon molded the earth and ground together, and then sprinkled its surface with water. But the land was still desolate, so the all-powerful being summoned up the force of fire to bring light and warmth to the world and to balance its extreme heat, Kamentheon created coldness âEU" and from it was born ice. In order to balance the temperature of the world, the great deity exhaled, creating the air and the wind to circulate and mitigate the powers of fire and ice. He then graced the land with his own energy, creating the power of electricity. Its power, combined with fireâEUTMs glare, gave birth to the force of light, and the world was bathed in its glory. But the light was too strong, and overpowered all, so Kamentheon pulled down the emptiness of the cosmos and brought darkness and shadows to the world. The conditions then right, the mighty god turned the dirt green and covered the world in plant life. With all of these energies created, the world was nearly ready for the omnipotent oneâEUTMs greatest creation: life. But before he could create life, he needed to ensure the elements remained composed.

Kamentheon reached into himself and pulled from the essence of his being the incarnations of the elements; the gods and goddesses that would bring balance to these forces. There was Ajax and Ilayda, God of Earth and Goddess of Water. Next were Din, Goddess of Fire, and Khione, the Goddess of Ice. Mistress of the winds was Oya, and the Ruler of the Electric became Arashi. Luz took the power of Light, and Tamesis countered him with Shadows and Darkness. Then the goddess of flora, Fleur, was granted dominion over the plants of the world. Lastly, Kamentheon crafted one final god to stand above the rest âEU" the god with the dominion over life, and lack there of, Lance.

His children born, and their roles designed, Kamentheon plucked a hair from his head, and planted it within the earth. Like a burgeoning forest, the hair multiplied, becoming a thick forest, and from it emerged all manner of creature and beast. Each of KamentheonâEUTMs children watched, and admired their fatherâEUTMs creations.

âEUoeFather, might you allow us a chance to join in your creation?âEU Lance requested. The elder god thought a moment, then agreed.

âEUoeChoose thee each one creature to bless with a gift of your power.âEU

The gods and goddesses rejoiced and each in turn picked one majestic beast to call their own and bless with their gift. Ajax chose the Armadillo, crafting its powerful and thick shell from the rock and metal of his soil, giving it an impenetrable defense. Ilayda chose the serpent of the sea, granting it ability to move through water quicker than any beast, and spew the liquid from its mouth in times of need. Din blessed the simple salamander with her power, granting it immunity to heat and flames, and a tongue that could burn. Khione gifted the leopard with an immunity to her powerful chill, and claws that could cleave her sturdy ice. Oya lifted up the eagle, granting it the power to harness her winds and rise into the air, as well as the vision of clarity. Seeing his sisterâEUTMs choice, Arashi stole the hawk, and gave it the power to create storms, and move with lightningâEUTMs speed. Luz turned away from the pattern of her brothers and sisters, and looked toward the small butterfly perched on a branch, which she granted the power to shine with her strength. Tamesis glanced at the small bat and took pitty on the creature, allowing it the power to see through his darkness and the fangs with which to feed and fight. Fleur plucked a small tree frog from the earth and smiled, blessing it with her power, and the frog became as colorful and vivid as any flower, and able to cling to any plantâEUTMs surface with ease.

Nearly all the godsâEUTM choices made, Kamentheon turned to Lance and asked him why he did not choose a beast to grant his gift.

âEUoeI see none here I feel deserving of my power.âEU Lance replied, looking out across the creatures.

âEUoeIf you see not one to grant your gift, then I grant you the option to create your own.âEU

Lance humbly accepted his fatherâEUTMs gesture, and began to gather pieces of all the elements, crushing them together into a single form. Mold created, Lance leaned forward and rested his forehead against the head of his statue, and then breathed upon its flesh. With that breath of life, man was born unto the world.

His work complete, Kamentheon retired to the cosmos, leaving his children in charge of the world and creatures he had made. But as time past, strife began to grow amongst the gods and goddesses. Each became proud of their creature, and each began to argue over whose was better. Eventually these arguments escalated to being less about their beasts and more about their powers, each god claiming to rule of the most powerful or most important element. Each god, except for Lance. The god of Life removed himself from his siblingsâEUTM bickering, focusing instead on the development of his creation.

Lance had not gifted his creature with fangs, or flight, claws, or armor. The god of life had gifted them with incredible intelligence, and the ability to adapt, evolve, and change. He used a gentle hand to guide their development, watching as they grew from primitive ape-like creature, into the masters of their dominion. But as man grew, so did the bitterness between the gods.

Lance finally turned from his creation when his siblings were on the verge of a divine war, stepping between them. He attempted to soothe their aggravated tempers, ensuring them that each of them had a role to play in the world, and that none were more or less important, but his brothers and sisters would not hear it. They shooed him away, and continued their fight.

|continued in next post|

GlaciesFlamma
GlaciesFlamma
  • Member since: Feb. 11, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 02
Blank Slate
Response to Bladewarriors: Renewed 2012-02-16 03:31:55 Reply

Prologue (Continued)

âEUoeFather.âEU The god of life called out. âEUoeFather, you must intervene!âEU

Lance beseeched Kamentheon, but the elder god did not return from the cosmos. The elder god did not reply. The god of life, fearing the chaos a battle between his siblings may cause, took up his role as leader among them, and formed his decision.

âEUoeIf you cannot learn to get along,âEU Lance told his siblings, âEUoethen I will separate you!âEU

And the god of life did just that, erecting enormous magical barriers across the world, dividing its area amongst his nine brothers and sisters. Each god received an equally sized domain to do with as they pleased, with only one restriction placed upon them: they were not to interfere with his creature âEU" they could not intervene in the lives of men.

The gods and goddesses agreed, and filled their realms with their influence. Lance did what he could to ensure the creatures in each realm survived the sudden imbalance of elements, as one power spontaneously surged above all others. Many creatures died, but many creatures also evolved, giving birth to the races of Monsters. But the gods and goddesses kept their promise after that, and did not interfere in the lives of man, focusing on the other creatures of their realms.

As time grew on, Monsters and Man became enemies, each vying for survival in the harsh conditions of their realms. Man adapted well, despite the adverse conditions. Gifted with the power to grow and evolve on their own, Man diverged along different paths in each realm. While each path resembled each other, each was also particularly suited the element that surrounded them. And the same was true of the Monsters. While the beasts could not evolve on their own, the gods and goddesses were not above granting the monsters new abilities, powers, and intelligence.

Eventually, one especially cunning beast emerged in the Realm of Water. It was a strange creature that was said to resemble a ball of cotton, weak and small, but intelligent beyond measure. This creature approached Ilayda.

âEUoeMy goddess, why have you made me so weak?âEU the creature questioned. âEUoeI can not survive. I can not defend or attack. Please, grant me one request.âEU

The goddess frowned, taking pity on the small creature before her. âEUoeWhat is it you ask?âEU

âEUoeI want a simple ability.âEU The creature replied, grinning. âEUoeGrant me the power to pass through the mystic barriers and visit the other realms. With it, I might find a land where I am better suited for survival.âEU

Moved by the creatureâEUTMs plight, and unable to see the harm in granting such a weak being the power, Ilayda agreed, and granted the creature his request. The creature thanked his goddess, but did not leave the realm right away. Instead, this creature approached IlaydaâEUTMs Serpent and requested a portion of its power.

âEUoeGrant me a piece of the godâEUTMs strength that was given to you,âEU the tiny creature said, âEUoeand I will use it to invade the Realm of Fire and steal for you the power of the Slamander.âEU

Greedy and Rash, the Serpent agreed, and granted the tiny creature a piece of its power. The tiny creature grew to resemble a serpent, gaining the ability to survive underwater, like the Serpent, and the magic it possessed. With this new strength, the no-longer-tiny creature traveled to the Realm of Fire, and attacked the Salamander.

âEUoeI will spare your life,âEU the creature said after besting the lizard, âEUoebut in exchange you must grant me a piece of your power. With it, I will open the way to the Ice Realm, and perhaps I will bring you back the LeopardâEUTMs strength in return as well.âEU

Trusting and without option, the Salamander agreed, and broke off some of its divine gift, giving it to the creature. Again the creature grew, gaining resistance to heat, and the ability to spew fire. With the new power, the creature moved on again, entering the snowy Realm of Ice.

âEUoeIf you wish to maintain you rule,âEU the creature threatened after besting the Leopard, âEUoethen grant me a piece of you power, and in return I may be kind and bring you an equal power from the Realm of Plants.âEU

Territorial and injured, the Leopard agreed, blessing the creature with his ability. The creature gained powerful claws and fangs, and a resistance to cold, along with a portion of the Ice GodâEUTMs might. With his new strength, he invaded the greenest of the realms, torching the plants, and freezing the ground. The Tree Frog confronted the creature, demanding the strange thing stop.

âEUoeI will stop,âEU the creature replied, âEUoebut only if you give me a portion of your strength in return.âEU

Desperate to protect its home, the Tree Frog agreed, and gave the creature a portion of its power. The creature grew once more, gaining the Tree FrogâEUTMs abilities, and itâEUTMs mastery of plants before moving to its next target: The Eagle of the Wind Realm. Once there, the creature waited for the Eagle to land, then bound it to its roost with vines and roots, preventing it from leaving.

âEUoeWhy do you hold me!?âEU The Eagle demanded as it struggled to free itself. âEUoeRelease me at once.âEU

âEUoeI hold you because I am envious.âEU The creature replied. âEUoeYou can fly through the air, and I am stuck on the ground. If you grant me a piece of your power, I will release you so you may soar once more.âEU

At first the Eagle, selfish as he was, refused, but as days passed, and he stayed rooted to his roost, he conceded, and relinquished his power to the creature, granting it a mighty set of wings, vision like no other, and the mastery of the air currents. Grinning, the strange abomination continued on his path, moving toward the realm of the earth.

With his new wings, the creature took to the sky, quickly spotting the Armadillo as it rolled across the realm. The creature swooped down, snatching the creature with its mighty claws, and lifted it high into the air with its mighty wings.

âEUoeWhat is this!?âEU The Armadillo cried, startled at the sight of the earth so far below him.

âEUoeIf you do not wish for me to drop you,âEU the strange creature replied, âEUoethen relinquish to me a portion of your power.âEU

âEUoeDrop me if you dare.âEU The Armadillo replied. âEUoeMy armor will protect me.âEU

So the creature did just that, releasing the Armadillo. While the ArmadilloâEUTMs armor may very well have protected him, the Armadillo was not ready to test the theory. As he plummeted toward the ground, he cried out.

âEUoeNo, no! I changed my mind! Rescue me, and the gift is yours!âEU

But the creature laughed, demanding he receive his payment first. Death looming before him, the Armadillo acquiesced to the demand, flinging a portion of his gift to the strange creature, causing the abomination to become covered in thick, dense, impenetrable scaled. And, true to his word, the strange creature returned the gesture by saving the Armadillo. The strong power of earth now also his, the abomination continued on his path, entering the Realm of Lightning, seeking the Hawk.

The Hawk, this abomination knew, would not be so easy to sway as the others. The Hawk stayed in the air, and while the abomination could overpower this beast of the sky, The Hawk did nothing but flee. With his lightning speed, The Hawk could not be chased, for he could not be caught. On top of that, as far as the abomination could see, The Hawk would never land, flying above the clouds in roost in the sky. Curious, the abomination followed one day, but above the clouds, he found no Hawk. He found nothing. But he heard something.

|Continued in next post|

GlaciesFlamma
GlaciesFlamma
  • Member since: Feb. 11, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 02
Blank Slate
Response to Bladewarriors: Renewed 2012-02-16 03:41:57 Reply

Prologue (Continued)

"I know what you are doing. You have traveled to many realms, and attacked many creatures. You want a piece of my power."

The abomination called out that he did.

"Then you must trade for it." The Hawk called. "You possess the power of The Eagle. Share it with me, and I shall share my power with you."

The abomination consented. "Reveal yourself, and we shall exchange gifts."

With his call, the Hawk rose from the clouds to meet the abomination, and the abomination attacked. He would not share his gifts. He threw the Hawk to the ground and held him to the earth as the creature struggled.

"I have changed my mind." The abomination told the Hawk. "Give me your power, or I will bind you to the earth for eternity."

Captured and powerless on the ground, the Hawk consented, and split off a portion of his power for the abomination. With the Thunder GodâEUTMs gift, the abomination became quicker than any other beast, and learned to harness the lightningâEUTMs power. New strength in tow, the abomination moved to the Realm of Darkness.

As he entered the realm, he heard a voice.

"You have finally come."

The abomination tried to find its source, but in the all encompassing darkness that filled the realm, he could see nothing. He set fire to the ground, but, as quickly as it rose, it was swallowed by the darkness. He sparkled with electricity, but the shadows would not waver and quickly ate its light as well.

"You cannot bring light in my presence." The voice of The Bat called out again. "I will eat it all before it can show you the world. But fear not, I do not wish to battle you âEU" you have become far too powerful for me. Instead, I wish to trade."

"The Hawk also wished for a bargain, but he did not get his wish." The abomination replied.

"But you cannot capture me." The Bat countered. "You cannot attack me. Because you cannot see me."

The abomination was silent.

"I want but a small portion of one of your powers." The Bat spoke. "I care not which. It is for you to decide. In return, I will grant you what you seek."

The abomination acquiesced to the request, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. The cunning of the Bat was on par with his own, and the creatureâEUTMs boldness impressed him to no end. However, the abomination was not to be outdone. In exchange for the BatâEUTMs power âEU" the ability to see in the darkness, and summon its strength âEU" the abomination offered a portion of his power of plants. In the bleak and endless shadows of that realm, the power would be meaningless. But the Bat did not complain, but grinned, and thanked the abomination as it moved to the final realm of Light.

In the Realm of Light, upon seeing the Butterfly, the abomination scowled at its weakness. Even with the power of Light, the small insect was pathetic. Rather than bargain with the creature for its power, the abomination crushed it, destroying the Butterfly.

Enraged, Luz descended to his realm, and attempted to strike down the abomination, but with the gifts of all his brothers and sisters, the abomination could not be stopped. Luz found himself in a losing battle against this beast with wings, and scales, and power akin to a god. He fled, returning to the heavens with his siblings.

"Brothers, Sisters!" Luz called out. "This creature has traveled our realms and stolen our gifts from our creatures. He has become strong, and powerful. We must bring him to an end before it is too late!"

But his brothers and sister merely laughed.

"That is why your element is weak."

"Our powers would never wane against some pitiful beast."

"He is of no concern to us, who are much stronger than you."

None would heed his word; none save for Lance.

The God of Life turned his eyes to the creature, studying it carefully. It was indeed powerful, a being like none the world had seen before. It had grown from a tiny ball of fluff, to a massive creature with impenetrable skin, mighty wings, incredible speed, and mastery of nearly all the elements. But the beast, its journey complete, seemed to now be content with its strength. It settled in the Realm of Light and rested. Lance concluded the beast would need to be watched, but that it was not a threat to them âEU" or at least to him. He turned away, but not before gifting the abomination with a name; The Dragon.

Feeling the eyes of the gods shift away from him, The Dragon grinned, and turned to the realm around him. He realized now that he was no longer weak, and that nothing was beyond his grasp. With his power, he gathered an army of Monsters, gaining influence in the realm, and decided to conquer the lands. But he needed to be smart. He turned to one of his followers, The Dove, and explained to it his plan. He then granted The Dove the same ability he had began with âEU" the power to travel between realms âEU" and set it on its way.

The Dove traveled back to each of the realms, speaking with the GodsâEUTM Creatures once more. The Dove asked not for a piece of their power, but for all of it.

"The Dragon demands you bow before him," The Dove related, "The Dragon demands you have all of your followers bow before him. With the power of us all, The Dragon will make these realms ours, and take them from the humans who now rule."

Fearful of The Dragons power âEU" having heard how he turned away a God âEU" the Creatures agreed, and the Monster Army was formed. With his Dove as messenger, The Dragon launched a war on the humans, attempting to subjugate them.

Seeing the chaos breaking out in their realms, the Gods above suddenly grew fearful. They lowered their selves to the world, attempting to control their creatures, but the monsters no longer listened to the gods, for they no longer feared them. They had a new god; The Dragon. And, in turn, as each god came to earth, they were turned away by the combined forces of The DragonâEUTMs Army.

Seeing this, Lance could no longer stand idle, but he was not foolish enough to intervene himself. He instead turned to his siblings and asked for them to share their power with him. His brothers and sisters were wary of gifting their gifts to their already superior brother, but with little option, they agreed.

Lance pulled from the Gods and Goddesses the essence of their element, and, mingling it with his own power, he forged the mighty Mystic Blades. These swords, containing all the power of a God, were the ultimate weapons, one existing for each Element.

"Give us the blades, Brother!" his siblings pleaded.

"These blades will be useless in your hands." Lance denied them. "They were not crafted for Gods, for they will give nothing to a God that they do not already have. These blades are for my creatures. I will give them to Man."

|Continued in next post|

GlaciesFlamma
GlaciesFlamma
  • Member since: Feb. 11, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 02
Blank Slate
Response to Bladewarriors: Renewed 2012-02-16 03:45:47 Reply

Prologue (Continued)

Lance lifted the swords and rained them down upon the world, throwing each sword to its corresponding realm. Once they reached the earth, they called out to mankind, seeking a worthy wielder from each land. These humans responded, seeking out the blades, and raising them in defense of their lands. Lance had crafted many powers into these blades, including the ability to migrate through the magical barriers.

The Bladesmen moved and gathered, passing through the realms, fending off the Monsters, until all of them converged in the Light Realm to counter The Dragon. The Dragon, though, had gained one more ability in his travels âEU" an unexpected side-effect of his acquisitions. The Dragon gained Man's ability to evolve, and with it, his power became even greater.

Despite being faced with the power equivalent to nine Gods, the Dragon was not worried. He was cunning, and strong. The Dragon changed forms, masking himself as a human and approached the Bladesmen, each in turn.

"I should not tell you this," he said, his sinister scheme enacted, "but your comrade has told me he will use his power to conquer your realm when this battle is over."

"He says that you are weak."

"He says your people are simple."

"He says that only his element should rule."

The Bladesmen of Lightning, Wind, Earth, and Shadow turned a distrusting eye to their companions, swayed by the words. The Dragon grinned and turned to Fire.

"I should not be telling you this, but Water swore to me they would drown your realm and extinguish your flames with this battle it over. They said your land should be theirs."

"Water said no such thing."

The Dragon was shocked as Fire responded, turning an eye to him. He was not swayed by his pretty words. He was not deceived by his cunning scheme. The Dragon scowled, and moved away to Ice, Water, and Plant.

"Fire would not betray me." Ice told him. "We need each other. Fire provides warmth for my people, and in turn, I cool his off."

"Plant would not destroy me." Water replied. âEUoeWithout water, Plant would wither."

"Ice would not war with me." Plant answered. "I provide him sustenance. He needs me."

The Dragon scowled, unable to deceive these Bladesman, he looked to Light, and decided to cut his losses. With four minds deluded, he would make due. He turned back to Wind, Lighting, Earth, and Shadow, and with more clever words, he moved them to attack their brothers of Fire, Ice, Water, and Plant. As they fought, The Dragon shifted back to his true form, and stood before the Bladesman of Light. He had bested the God of Light before, and one on one, the Light Bladesman fell.

The Dragon raised the Blade of Light, and turned back to the other warriors. Only Fire and Ice remained standing, beaten but alive. The rest lay on the ground, having killed one enough over The Dragon's treacherous words. Try as they might to defeat the Dragon, in their weakened state, Fire and Ice could not withstand the beast's power, and fell as well.

The Dragon smiled, and gathered the blades crafted by the God of Life. He began to dissect the blades, attempting to pull of them their power. The Dragon slowly stripped the blades of their powers, beginning with the ability to open paths through the magical barriers. Before The Dragon could finish stealing the blades gifts, though, the blades were torn from his grip, and the God Life appeared before him.

"Those blades and their powers are not for you, Dragon."

"I have won them. To the victor go the spoils." The Dragon called back.

"Not this time, beast." Lance summoned his powers, and sent the blades flying, scattering them out across the realms, hiding them from the eyes of monsters. In the act he also sealed their powers, ensuring no beast could ever touch the blades, then alone pick out their abilities. Enraged, the Dragon attacked Lance. It is said the two battled for a hundred years with no clear victor. It wasn't until their battle uncovered the Blade of Light once more that the tide was turned.

The Dragon, eyeing the blade, transformed himself into a man once again. In the form, his fingers could grip the sword, though he could not wield its true power. Still, with blade in hand, The Dragon used the weapon to pierce The God of Life through the chest.

Lance fell, weakened as the Dragon pulled back the blade. He looked at the mighty beast and fled, leaving the world in the monster's hands.

The Dragon grinned, his dominion complete, and took a new name: The Dragon King. He turned to rule the land. The Dragon shared his power to evolve with The Creatures of the Gods âEU" as well as powers he had stolen from the Mystic Blades âEU" and in turn those creatures shared their gifts with others. Humans lost the wars, and were conquered by the beast. Some became slaves, some became food, but others chose to continue the fight, holding there own against the Monsters. Each realm made their own choice to fight or surrender, and each person made their decision on whether or not to follow this example.

And so it has been for ten thousand yearsâEU¦