Casualty

[ManiacCop2]

Casualty

Above is a link to a horror story I wrote for another forum over a year ago. It's not perfect, there are a number typos, but I'm interested to see what everyone here thinks of it.

[BubblyMac]

It's not bad. Obviously, the typos are there but you're working on that. Some of the sentence structure could use some improvement.

"He thought about confronting this person but then decided against it in his current condition he was in no state to put up a fight."

Things like this should probably be separated into a few different sentences. You'll find some other examples like that. The narrative is looking good so far. Good work!

[ManiacCop2]

At 23 minutes ago, BubblyMac wrote: It's not bad. Obviously, the typos are there but you're working on that. Some of the sentence structure could use some improvement.

"He thought about confronting this person but then decided against it in his current condition he was in no state to put up a fight."

Things like this should probably be separated into a few different sentences. You'll find some other examples like that. The narrative is looking good so far. Good work!

Thank you. My grammatical ability is still less than stellar but I will attempt to edit this story and to fix any grammatical errors, such as the one listed above, sometime in the near future.

[ManiacCop2]

Casualty (Re-Write)

I apologize for taking so long but, I'm currently in the process of uploading this story onto another website and fixing some of the grammatical errors. If you spot any please let me know and i will do my best to fix them. Enjoy