PAULO, WINSTON, LIA, and HARRY arrive at the town of Gloom Hollow. It's the average fantasy town, and we see the exterior of a worn stone wall. They are greeted outside the gate by CURTIS, the town guard, wearing typical guard clothing.
CURTIS
Hey, hey, wait a second there. You can't just stroll in here like you own the place and expect Curtis to just roll out the welcome mat. And I have a welcome mat, it's right here. (he reveals a Welcome Mat) But you don't get it.
HARRY
What the hell Curtis?
CURTIS
You think you can just take what you want? Not with Curtis manning the gate.
LIA
Listen, Curtis, we're here to help.
CURTIS
You bitches can't do nothing for Curtis. Curtis is a lone wolf, ain't relyin' on nobody but Curtis.
HARRY
Goddamn it Curtis open the gate. We have a quest.
PAULO
Please, Curtis?
CURTIS
Aw, the little bunny rabbit in the pointy hat. It speaks. You wanna carrot, little bunny? Curtis got a big carrot you can gnaw on.
PAULO
Dear god.
HARRY laughs.
LIA
That's vile.
CURTIS
What? (he digs into his pants and produces a carrot. He bites off the end.) Curtis gotta eat.
As CURTIS munches on his pants carrot, the group steps aside to discuss the obstacle.
HARRY
What the hell, Winston? Where's the back-up? Can't you cast charm again?
WINSTON
I dunno, can I?
LIA
Try it.
WINSTON tries several hand gestures, to no avail.
PAULO
You clearly don't know what you're doing. Here, do this.
PAULO waves his hands around dramatically, getting very involved in the spell-casting process. Lights start swirling around him. We hear CURTIS from behind them.
CURTIS
Hey! No magic!
The lights fade and PAULO stops.
CURTIS
Curtis don't like magic. Keep it corporeal on Curtis's time.
WINSTON
So what now?
LIA
This is part of the quest.
WINSTON
That guy is part of the quest?
LIA
We have to work together and figure out how to get by him.
HARRY
Let's just call him names until he quits.
PAULO
You can't solve every problem by being a dick, Harry.
HARRY
Find me a problem that you can't.
LIA
Come on guys, think.
WINSTON
Can we, I dunno, bribe him? He likes carrots, does anyone have a carrot?
HARRY
Shut up. No one has a carrot. You're stupid.
PAULO
Harry, please. He's new.
HARRY
I was new before too, and I didn't go ON and ON about goddamn carrots.
LIA
No, you went on and on about how lazy black people are and how much you hate gays. All of my friends are gay, that was unkind.
PAULO
You called me a newfag at least 27 times.
HARRY
I-
PAULO
-in your first session.
HARRY
I'm sorry, okay? I apologized for that like, a million times.
LIA
You never apologized for drawing troll faces all over my Moleskine.
HARRY
Your stupid little diary? The one that's filled with all the lame poetry about how your soul is ice and you live in darkness and something something fire? Yeah, I don't care.
LIA
You're such a dick.
PAULO
Guys! What about Curtis?
CURTIS interrupts from the background.
CURTIS
I can hear you talking about Curtis!
WINSTON approaches Curtis cautiously.
WINSTON
Hello, Curtis.
CURTIS
What do you want, Pignuts?
WINSTON
Can you do me a favor?
CURTIS
Curtis ain't in the business of doing no favors. Curtis is in the business of watching this gate.
WINSTON
And you're very good at it.
CURTIS
Damn right.
WINSTON
So how about you do me a little favor? We have to get inside, to talk to the princess. She needs our help. And it would be great if you could just help us out. Can you do that, Curtis?
CURTIS
What if you lyin'?
WINSTON
I'm a paladin. I don't lie. If you let us in, I'll be sure to tell the princess what a wonderful job her man Curtis is doing at the gate. Maybe you'll get a raise.
CURTIS
If Curtis got a raise, that's like, another carrot? That's amazing!
WINSTON
(to the group) I told you he likes carrots. (to Curtis) You'll get all the carrots you can eat.
CURTIS opens the gate and lays out the welcome mat.
CURTIS
Welcome to Gloom Hollow. May your stay not result in your untimely death. You best tell her now! Curtis needs them carrots!
WINSTON
Of course.
This is the first script I've seen on these parts of the forum. Uhhh, one thing to keep in mind when showing a script around: you gotta layout your characters to the reader. Cuz reading through this I couldn't tell if they were all rabbits or what. You want to give a good image of what's happening in the script, so character descriptions and even a description of the background area helps a lot.
So about the script....it's good! It's very casual with the dialogue and I kinda like that. I like Curtis out of everyone here. The other characters seem a little flat, but some strong character descriptions could fix that easily.
Thanks for the reply. This is actually just a portion of ep. 3, I put it on here for people to sort of get a feel for my style more than anything else. Now that I think of it though, I think I should put the 1st episode/character sketches in here. I just hesitate because it's quite long, but I suppose people can just not read it if they don't want to. Hopefully with some exposition and motive the characters will seem more 3 dimensional. I'd love for you to read through it. Keep an eye out in this thread.
Characters:
Dr. Reginald - A thin, awkward, older man. He wears glasses, and is balding. In game he is Reginaldus, an all powerful guiding character who appears when the group is lost, conflicted, arguing, or dying. He also performs the role of Dungeon Master.
Kita - A dark-haired, lazy, seemingly-perpetually-miserable early twenties female college student. She serves as Dr. Reginald's secretary and assistant, and in game, she will act out the parts of various key NPCs.
Winston - An ultra shy teenage boy. Very awkward. His issues go beyond the shyness and withdrawn demeanor. In game will play a paladin, becoming the group's moral compass.
Lia - An effervescent teenage girl, with shaggy hair and retro-kitch bracelets. Sent to Dr. R. because of her experiments with alcohol, specifically PBR (though very mild, she likes to play up her rebelliousness) and her fascination with black and white photography, Parliments, and French avant-garde musicians, all of which terrified her parents. In game she is the ranger.
Harry - A true /b/tard, his shocking statements and irresponsible behavior landed him in Dr. R.'s care with the goal to show him that anonymous trolling does not translate well to real life. Overweight and seemingly always drinking some sort of soft drink. In game he is the barbarian.
Paulo - An overly sensitive teenage boy. The one who most exemplifies the stereotype of a nerd. He doesn't really have any problems unless one considers just being totally lame a problem. He's the one guy that, at parties, starts berating the crowd for prefering Twilight to Ender's Game. Which is a lie, because he doesn't get invited to parties. In game, he's the wizard.
EPISODE ONE
Scene opens at a rising shot of an exterior door of a house in a state of mild disrepair. The camera follows the door frame to the handles, then to the sign on the window that reads SESSIONS BY APPOINTMENT ONLY, DR. REGINALD. The camera rotates to reveal a teenage boy, WINSTON, staring at the door. He motions to knock, then hesitates. He looks back and watches a beat up car drive away. He motions to knock again, and as he does, the door swings open and his knock lands on the porcine midsection of DR. R. WINSTON recoils in horror. DR. R chortles.
DR. R.
You look too boylike to be the prostitute I ordered.
WINSTON
I'm uh...what?
DR. R.
I guess you're young enough that I can pretend.
WINSTON
I think I got the wrong-
DR. R. erupts into more chortling.
DR. R.
No, I'm just kidding! You think I need to order prostitutes?
WINSTON
I don't-
DR. R.
Winston right? You're late. Get in here. Shut the door behind you.
WINSTON enters the house and shut the door into the camera.
-
DR. R. leads WINSTON down a hall decorated with swords and posters of dragons and other fantasy paraphenalia.
DR. R
You ever do anything like this?
WINSTON
I don't even know what this is.
DR. R leads WINSTON into a side room. Inside is a small desk littered with papers and manilla folders. KITA, a twenty something female, sits at an adjacent desk with her feet up, sipping a coffee.
DR. R.
Sit.
DR. R. sits behind the big desk and leans back a little too far and sits up with a start. He sifts through folders and fails to find the one he is looking for. He motions for WINSTON to sit across. WINSTON does so.
DR. R.
So, Winston...you like that name? Do your friends call you Win?
WINSTON
I-
DR. R.
Trick question. I know you don't have any friends. That's why you're here, right? You're a sad, lonely, depressed little weirdo.
WINSTON
Well-
DR. R.
I'm not done. A sad, lonely, depressed little weirdo with a goofy name and a mother who would rather pay a strange man who may or may not actually have a degree to be her kid's therapist than address the real problems.
They sit in silence for a few seconds.
DR. R.
Kita, dear. Do I pay you?
KITA
You know you don't pay me. This is an internship.
DR. R.
Well, I don't care. Find Winston's damn folder. This place is a mess!
KITA gets up and begins to rummage.
KITA
I tried to clean it but you yelled at me.
DR. R.
Your method of cleaning involves hiding things out of sight. I found a half-eaten bagel in my desk last night.
KITA
I was saving that.
DR. R.
It was my bagel!
KITA
You obviously weren't gonna finish it.
DR. R. sighs and rubs his temples, then smiles at Winston for a moment. Quickly the smile fades and he becomes serious.
DR. R.
Rule number one is never interrupt me. Never. Not even if you're having a stroke and you can't feel the left side of your face and you can taste, I dunno, cinnamon or something. Never. That's very important. You understand?
WINSTON hesitates to answer.
DR. R.
Rule number two: If you are addressed directly, for instance if someone says, 'hey Winston, what's your favorite slashing weapon?' you must answer them swiftly and honestly. Let's try it. Hey Winston, what's your favorite slashing weapon?
WINSTON
I don't...I have no idea.
DR. R.
That's good. A terrible answer, but a swift and honest one. Okay, rule number three: We are all equal in game.
WINSTON
Game?
DR. R.
You really have no idea what this is, do you?
WINSTON
Therapy?
KITA snickers as she tosses the folder on Dr. R.'s desk. She returns to her coffee. He opens it and peruses the one sheet of paper inside.
DR. R.
Who told you that?
WINSTON
You did. Just a second ago.
DR. R.
Oh yeah. Was it your idea?
WINSTON
My mom made the appointment and dropped me off. She told me we were getting ice cream, but obviously that wasn't true.
DR. R. writes on the piece of paper.
DR. R.
Well, it's not entirely false. I do have ice cream if you really want some. But I think instead of explaining what this is about, it'd be good for you to have to figure it out on your own. The problem with kids these day, no innate problem solving skills.
WINSTON
I'm a product of my environment.
DR. R.
Oh don't give me that. Diamonds are a product of their environment. You're just a lump of spoiled coal. But here, I make diamonds.
WINSTON
Are you going to crush me underneath tons of pressure and superheat me?
DR. R.
We'll find out soon, smartass.
DR. R. gets up abruptly and leaves the office. WINSTON stays seated until DR. R. pokes his head back in the doorway and motions impatiently for WINSTON to follow. KITA follows also, begrudgingly.
-
A wooded area. PAULO, dressed as a wizard, LIA, wearing ranger garb, and HARRY, the barbarian warrior, sit on logs. We meet the three in mid-argument.
PAULO
No. Stop. What's wrong with you?
HARRY
What?
PAULO
You can't have sex with every person you meet!
HARRY
Why not?
PAULO
It's against the rules. I wish you would both shut up. Just, shut up. Shut it. Reginaldus leaves for one second, and it's all 'have sex with this elf,' and 'I wonder what would happen if I had sex with this elf?'
LIA
Elves were so 2005. Where are all the Frankensteins? That's what's in right now...Frankensteins.
HARRY
He said, "the dark elf lounged seductively." How am I supposed to interpret that? I don't recall the rules specifically stating this game was asexual. That elf slut wants my +1 spear and I plan to crit.
PAULO
Come on. Focus up. There's gonna be a quest to do when Reginaldus gets back, and we'll have to work together.
LIA
He's on a quest, Paulo.
HARRY
A sex quest.
LIA
Yeah, for sex.
PAULO
You'll contract syphilis again, like the last time you tried to pull this.
LIA
Not again!
PAULO
You did it to yourselves.
LIA
I'll cast "absolve blight".
PAULO
"Absolve blight?" What the hell is that?
LIA
Oh, you've probably never heard of it.
PAULO
Probably because it doesn't exist. Besides, I'm the damn wizard. I'll do the casting.
HARRY
I cast cure disease.
PAULO
You're a barbarian, Harry. Stop trying to cast spells.
We hear a door open and shut. On the sound of the shutting door, the scene shifts back to DR. R.'s house. The group sits around a large round table covered with paper, pencils, books and dice. Everyone is wearing normal clothing, except for PAULO, who is wearing a comically oversized conical wizard hat. DR. R. sits at the table in a seat seemingly specifically for him. He leans back almost too far and sits up with a start. He begins organizing papers and pens and dice for WINSTON.
PAULO
Reginaldus returns with our new companion! What strange attire you wear. Be you a fighter from some far away kingdom?
HARRY
Shut your face, Paulo. This isn't the RP server on WoW. We're not playing anymore.
LIA
(towards WINSTON) Oh, he'd be perfect as a model. Do you own any plaid shirts? I'd love to shoot you.
WINSTON blushes and turns away shyly.
PAULO
Goddamn it no.
HARRY
I wanna have sex with Lia.
LIA
No way, you have syphilis.
HARRY
So do you!
LIA
I don't want to combine our syphilises. That would be bad. I think.
HARRY
Reginaldus?
DR. R.
It's Dr. Reginald IRL, Harry. You know that.
HARRY
But would that be bad? Double syphilis? Would I be able to use my magic missile?
Dr. R.
No.
PAULO
You can't use magic missile anyway! You're a barbarian. God Harry. Stop being a dickbag.
LIA
You're a dickbag Paulo.
HARRY
Did I have an armor save against syphilis?
PAULO
If you guys don't focus I quit.
LIA
If you quit, can I wear your hat? That would be a sweet hat, in a thriftstore kitch style. With a few sparrow patches? Marvelous.
HARRY
You're not a wizard either! You can't have my hat.
LIA
You don't deserve that hat if you don't know why you should wear it.
KITA
Do I have to be here for this? I've been listening to your patients bicker like idiots all day. I have a headache.
HARRY
You mad, bro?
KITA
I'm not getting mad, "bro". I just want a break in between the wall of nerd.
HARRY
Maybe you should get a real job and stop being Dr. R.'s familiar. Ever try webcam stripping? With a little practice, I dunno, you might get a few dozen subscribers. They'd all be Paulo under different names, of course.
PAULO
Shut your stupid mouth!
HARRY
Paulo, she won't date you. Give it up.
KITA
I swear to God, Harry, I will tear out your eyes.
HARRY
You'll have to get past my Leather Helm of Protection.
KITA
No you idiot, your real eyes.
DR. R.
Five!
Everyone immediately stops arguing and focuses on DR. R. KITA sticks out her tongue at HARRY, who makes a "why-I-outta..." fist gesture.
DR. R.
Four, three, two, and me. Okay. I'd like you all to meet someone.
He gestures to Winston, who had been standing along the wall out of sight, sits down at the table and smiles awkwardly.
DR. R.
This is Winston. He wants you to call him Win. But only his friends call him Win. So you decide.
The group says various hellos, not saying WINSTON's name specifically.
DR. R.
He's going to join our little group. Remember the rules and be nice, and helpful, and stop arguing about syphilis and eye-gouging for maybe like five damn minutes for once and we can do some real good for Winston here.
LIA
Have you ever played before?
WINSTON
No.
LIA
What am I saying, of course you haven't.
The group giggles.
DR. R.
What part of 'be nice' did you not get? You think syphilis is bad? I will destroy all of you with unspeakably worse VD if you don't stop it.
They stop.
DR. R.
So! Anyway, Winston. The first thing you have to do is make your character that you will use in the game. Are you ready?
WINSTON
I think so...
DR. R.
Well, grab some dice and get to work.
The camera pans out to show the group sitting around the table, getting prepared to begin their gaming session. Fade to black.
With some more clearly delineated, and focused characterization, I think you could have a really great product. I was actually getting into the script despite some hiccups here and there. A few of the character's voices need to be adjusted to make them more identifiable, because otherwise they just sound like the same, prototypical WoW geek/forum troller. Diversity will ensure your characters are not only recognizable, but that you have enough conflict to drive your plots.
The biggest issues I had was with the Dr's character. He seems very Deus Ex. You need to iron out your idea of the character because as it stands his voice is no different from the other characters, and his purpose seems to simply function as the glue to your motley crew. I especially hated when he cursed. It's so out of focus with the character I was beginning to envision. Editing will clear this out for you. Also, I hope you have an outline for the arc of the stories, because that'll also help you poise your characters for their roles further along the story.
I appreciate your observations and also agree with them. The two characters proving to be most challenging to get onto paper how they sound in my head are Dr. R and Lia. Also, I do have a definite arc in mind, it's planned as a 5 part story to begin with, then if it goes anywhere, subsequent story arcs will form with the D and D campaigns as the centerpiece.
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